Which do you prefer, being single or being married?

Gaikotsu · Post by **Gaikotsu** » Sun Oct 05, 2003 3:59 pm

This is probably going to sound strange, but I don't really believe in marriage. Basically, I believe that every meaningful relationship is based on trust, and if you truly love someone, you should be able to trust them completely. By requiring proof of that love, (i.e. a marriage certificate), to me that indicates a fundamental lack of trust at the core of the relationship. Even if the doubt/lack of trust is small, it still exists. IMHO, that's why a lot of marriages fail. Needless to say, I've had kind of a hard time finding someone who can understand or respect my viewpoint, but that's society for you.

Sure, I'd like to find someone who I could spend the rest of my life with, but I don't see that happening any time in the near future, at least not here. (I live in a rather small college town where the population is about 2:1 guys to girls. And I'm not a frat boy, so that doesn't help my chances at all).

Lyrs · Post by **Lyrs** » Sun Oct 05, 2003 4:10 pm

the marriage certificate is less for the husband and wife then for the public. it signifies that yes, these two people are married and therefore able to access whatever benefits and perils that public law has made for such situautions. it's a physical proof.

Flint the Dwarf · Post by **Flint the Dwarf** » Sun Oct 05, 2003 4:36 pm

Lyrs wrote:the marriage certificate is less for the husband and wife then for the public. it signifies that yes, these two people are married and therefore able to access whatever benefits and perils that public law has made for such situautions. it's a physical proof.

Beat me to it.

It's not supposed to be a label that says, "You're mine."

Gaikotsu · Post by **Gaikotsu** » Sun Oct 05, 2003 4:44 pm

Lyrs wrote:the marriage certificate is less for the husband and wife then for the public. it signifies that yes, these two people are married and therefore able to access whatever benefits and perils that public law has made for such situautions. it's a physical proof.

I see where you're coming from, and that does make sense. On that note however, I've never liked having people trying to pressure me into things. Whether it's signing up for a long-distance telephone service, buying a tv or computer, or displaying my love for another person, I live my own life my own way. Why should I have to prove anything to the public at large?

There's no law that says two people have to marry each other if they're in love, and (not that it should matter really, but) I'm an atheist, so the whole "living in sin" guilt trip that society would try to force on me wouldn't be a factor. I guess I just see things differently.

Flint the Dwarf · Post by **Flint the Dwarf** » Sun Oct 05, 2003 5:07 pm

Gaikotsu wrote:I see where you're coming from, and that does make sense. On that note however, I've never liked having people trying to pressure me into things. Whether it's signing up for a long-distance telephone service, buying a tv or computer, or displaying my love for another person, I live my own life my own way. Why should I have to prove anything to the public at large?

There's no law that says two people have to marry each other if they're in love, and (not that it should matter really, but) I'm an atheist, so the whole "living in sin" guilt trip that society would try to force on me wouldn't be a factor. I guess I just see things differently.

"Living in sin" guilt trip? Maybe if you've got a hardcore religious family or society, but that mostly ended in the 1800s. It was still big in the early 1900s in some areas, but... not really anymore.

I don't know, I'd marry someone for the same reason I'd buy them presents or do random acts of kindness. Simply out of love and/or appreciation. However, I would buy things or do random acts of kindness for several people that I like, but I'd only want to marry one woman.

Kazutaka · Post by **Kazutaka** » Sun Oct 05, 2003 5:11 pm

Gaikotsu,
I see your point about the marriage issue and I agree with you, however as Lyrs stated there are benefits to marriage. I see the BIG problem being that people do not take marriage seriously any more. I have been guilty of that as well.
The first time I got married it was through pure and extreme pressure from my family as well as his. I know now that I should have gone with my inital instincts and run like hell but I didnt. I tried to do the RIGHT thing, which was really the wrong thing. Neither one of us could take care of ourselves at the time (We were very young) and we depened on our families for a lot (1st BIG mistake).
The Second time was for pure and complete Love (on my part at least). I did live with him for a couple of years before we got married and I tried like all hell to make it work and do the right thing. But.... story of my life, being a revolving door, the love was not quite equal on his side and he took the call of the wild and left after 7 years....
It was perfect while it lasted at least on my part, I took the sacrifices (and they became many toward the end) without complaint. I did every thing to the point of making an utter and complete idiot out of my self (Pisces trait I guess) to stay and try every last ditch effort to make it work, but when some one thinks that there is something else out there for them there is nothing that you can do.
So.... my view on marriage is getting a bit tarnished. I dont think I will ever do it again. I went through the whole making a commitment to someone in front of God and the Law, and I meant to keep it come hell or high water and I got burned and drowned, so as long as I have these "trust" issues going the whole marriage thing is a failed insititution to me.

Gaikotsu · Post by **Gaikotsu** » Sun Oct 05, 2003 5:14 pm

flint: I do have a pretty religious family, actually. Guess I forget sometimes that not everyone is like that, so I guess you can disregard that comment I made. Sorry for any offense I might have caused.

Gaikotsu · Post by **Gaikotsu** » Sun Oct 05, 2003 5:29 pm

Kazutaka wrote:Gaikotsu,
I see your point about the marriage issue and I agree with you, however as Lyrs stated there are benefits to marriage. I see the BIG problem being that people do not take marriage seriously any more. I have been guilty of that as well.
The first time I got married it was through pure and extreme pressure from my family as well as his. I know now that I should have gone with my inital instincts and run like hell but I didnt. I tried to do the RIGHT thing, which was really the wrong thing. Neither one of us could take care of ourselves at the time (We were very young) and we depened on our families for a lot (1st BIG mistake).
The Second time was for pure and complete Love (on my part at least). I did live with him for a couple of years before we got married and I tried like all hell to make it work and do the right thing. But.... story of my life, being a revolving door, the love was not quite equal on his side and he took the call of the wild and left after 7 years....
It was perfect while it lasted at least on my part, I took the sacrifices (and they became many toward the end) without complaint. I did every thing to the point of making an utter and complete idiot out of my self (Pisces trait I guess) to stay and try every last ditch effort to make it work, but when some one thinks that there is something else out there for them there is nothing that you can do.
So.... my view on marriage is getting a bit tarnished. I dont think I will ever do it again. I went through the whole making a commitment to someone in front of God and the Law, and I meant to keep it come hell or high water and I got burned and drowned, so as long as I have these "trust" issues going the whole marriage thing is a failed insititution to me.

First, let me say I'm sorry for all the pain you've been through. I know words can never change the past, but maybe they can make you feel a little better, (hey, it worked once today).

From what they've told me when I haven't been able to avoid the subject, it seems my parents got married for the same reason I highlited in bold in the quote. They hate each other now; they have for as long as I can remember, actually. The only reason they stayed together was to try to give me a happy childhood. That was the worst decision I've ever seen anyone make, although part of me admires them for trying. We all would have been happier if they'd gotten divorced though... I'm going to stop now, because I really don't like talking about my parents or my childhood, such as it was.

It is nice to see that someone can understand my views on marriage, though I'm sorry you had to go through such hardships to reach that perspective.

Flint the Dwarf · Post by **Flint the Dwarf** » Sun Oct 05, 2003 5:31 pm

Gaikotsu wrote:flint: I do have a pretty religious family, actually. Guess I forget sometimes that not everyone is like that, so I guess you can disregard that comment I made. Sorry for any offense I might have caused.

No harm done.

Trident · Post by **Trident** » Sun Oct 05, 2003 6:33 pm

Gaikotsu wrote:(I live in a rather small college town where the population is about 2:1 guys to girls. And I'm not a frat boy, so that doesn't help my chances at all).

Sorry to be completely random, but combining this with your location, are you up at Michigan Tech?

I'd add my thoughts on the subject at hand, but they've pretty much been stated before...