But why? What makes an internet relationship more destined to fail or succeed than any flesh relationship? Well, the medium is really the issue. Since relationships (of any type, any connection between two conscious beings that is not instinctive, which wouldn't be conscious) are based entirely on communication, the medium for which that is achieved is absolutely vital.
So, you really have to first consider the distinct properties of each communication medium. What makes or breaks a relationship, by and large, is the factors of medium, and intent. I'll get to intent later.
Medium. The differences in communication medium are pretty gradual, and ranging mostly in the areas of response time, and ex-language communication conventions. The poles for the most part are written communication and physical communication. The basic elements range from mail (e or not), to instant text communication, to verbal contact, and finally to direct physical contact.
Now, about those properties. Physical contact requires almost instant response time, making it essentially the most impulsive and basic form of communicating. On the contrary, it has to it's benefit body language, vocal cues, and other inpulsive but descriptive communication aids outside of language. However, when you get down to it, the ability to truly describe and communicate things in that state is only very basic and error prone. Even in-depth conversations rely on drawing from the front of the mind to continue discussion without introducing an awkward break, and, even with pauses, the pressure to continue talking often keeps one from going too deeply into contemplation.
Speaking communication (I.E. over the phone) offers little over direct contact, however, it has an element of less tensity and impulsiveness as your direct actions aren't under scrutiny and you have a better environment to decide how to communicate what you want to.
Text-based communication ultimately offers something contact-based communication makes impossible. The ability to really think out and properly word what exactly you want to say. You have no cues to go by, but you have infinitely more time to figure out how to transpose those complete expressions of thought into written language. In that way, you're able to form more complete thoughs and bend your wording better towards your will. For instance, I would never be able to say all this at once. Only by writing it out and refining my thoughts can I express it this way. In addition, the reciever has more time to read over and interpret/comprehend what I'm saying.
In that respect, since not only is your persona totally fluid, it is also able to reflect what you want it to to an exacting degree, text communication almost completely bends to the will of the person behind it. This brings up the subject of intent. Intent can range anywhere from true and benevolent to entirely malicious and false. It is this factor, coupled with the vesatility and inversatility of the aforementioned communication mediums, that ultimately determines the true nature of a relationship. Due to the very nature of the mediums, it is much harder to fake intentions in real contact. Text communication, on the other hand, as said, totally bends to the will of it's master. In that way, you can express something absolutely true better than you can in real contact, or you can express something completely false. That is the reason success and failure is accentuated with internet relationships. Both poles are intensely magnified.
So how does all of that tie into relationships? Well, quite simply, text communication coupled with honest intent makes for a far greater indicator of a person's true nature and personality, making it vastly better for forming psycho-spiritual attraction. That is by far the key to a successful relationship, as physical attraction without it is nothing but primitive lust, and attraction in spirit/mind is far more permanent than that of the flesh. The combination of the two is essential. However, I would not be surprised in the least to see any serious text relationship outlasting a purely physical one.
At this time I'll just insert a short debate on these issues out of my LJ.
Tab wrote:This was really nice to hear
Brigrel Q (7:40:11 PM): You stay long with one type of communication... Like Text, and then you meet her... They're not the same to you. They're two different people.. Text-girl and then girl... You love text-girl more than girl... so you only fall in love with half of them... =\
Taberez (7:40:37 PM): interesting
Taberez (7:41:55 PM): the veil of physical reality shrouds the true person
Taberez (7:42:12 PM): it's possible to assimilate the two
Brigrel Q (7:42:12 PM): I guessif you put it that way... =\
Taberez (7:42:17 PM): hard.. but possible
Taberez (7:42:20 PM): if the will is there
Taberez (7:43:20 PM): the internet is the closest to a metaphysical existance as we can get here I guess
Taberez (7:43:27 PM): it's a purely emotional and mental place
Taberez (7:43:44 PM): you're just a set of ideas being expressed to me through written language
Taberez (7:44:03 PM): it more directly reflects and molds to the will of the person behind it
Brigrel Q (7:44:04 PM): Tab, you're a very complex person.
Brigrel Q (7:44:13 PM): I wish you could meet someone who could understand everything you type.
Ashton (originalskin), in reply, wrote:"Taberez (7:43:44 PM): you're just a set of ideas being expressed to me through written language
Taberez (7:44:03 PM): it more directly reflects and molds to the will of the person behind it"
But the problem with this line of thought is that, as with any form of communication in our society, there are certain formalities, and things expected of the way one communicates. Chatting is so slow (compared to the other forms) that the part that's lost isn't the formality, instead the actual meaning of the communication is lost. So to say that it's a more pure form of communication is incorrect. I think the sub-verbal clues (body language, tone of voice,... hell... pheromones) are the things that really make up love. Well, love, and all forms of deeper relationships (brotherly/sisterly/motherly/fatherly.) I think that there is less emotional investment in a relationship you can simply "turn off."
That's the truth behind it, for any idiot who would blindly say "lforl ratfatg itnretne relationship[ s are for pepol whao re to uly to get a fgf irl@@!111111!lmao!". ALMOST as stupid a statement as, say, "my religion holds the one single absolute truth"And in response I wrote:Reguardless. Basic attraction, surely. But I really see no correlation between true emotional and mental attachment and physical gestures. In fact, even less so. Sure, communication is faster in some senses when it's direct physical interaction, and sure cues and outward-based emotional expressions have to be codified into language, but as far as essential language and transfer of pure idea, text is a far more versatile medium. In person, communication tends to be more broken and inaccessible. You have a limited amount of time to postulate and respond, to gather thoughts and word them out. In that respect, it's far more impulsive and less exacting, less meaningful.
With text, on the other hand, a person has the chance to process and refine his thoughts until he obtains the best possible imprint of them into language. This way, as I said, it is much more apt to reflect the will of the person, since it can essentially go deep into any concept and thouroughly describe the idea being portrayed.
Not only is it better for imprinting ideas to any complexity desired, but at the same time it is better for recieving and decoding of those ideas. Even if text is less beneficial to, say, a well versed public speaker, it may not always be so for the reciever. With text, anyone can read over and process the info as per desire. Admittedly, it may be easier for one to misinterpret, but that's a danger faced by essentially any in-depth form of communication.
Case in point, nonphysical forms of communication where response time is irrelevant surely show a more precise picture of one's true mind and inner self. That by and large is more essential to true love than any form of physical contact. The joining of the three, however, body, emotion, and mind, make for the truly quintessential union. Sadly, few can regulate these three aspects within themselves, much less as a junction with another. I sure as hell can't. Maybe some day.
