random quotes.

grayplague · Post by **grayplague** » Tue Oct 29, 2002 11:19 pm

i got bored and started posting quotes in the AMV chatroom and was told to put em here too. So here are quotes:

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." - Jack Nicholson

"If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either." - Dick Cavett

"I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own." - Les Dawson

"The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with." - Marty Feldman

"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." - Mark Twain

"If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either." - Dick Cavett

"I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets." - Dave Edison

"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die." - Mel Brooks

"Security puts a premium on feebleness." - H.G. Wells

"I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals, I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants." - A. Whitney Brown

"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight." - George Gobol

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake." - Napoleon Bonaparte

"We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police." - Jeff Marder

"When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity." - Albert Einstein

"A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often." - Oliver Herford

"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." - Tiger Woods

"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally." - WC Fields

"All are lunatics, but he who can analyse his delusions is called a philosopher" - Ambrose Bierce

"I went to a fight the other night and a hockey game broke out." - Rodney Dangerfield

"It's not enough to succeed. Others must fail." - Gore Vidal

"Simple minds do stupid things for ignorant reasons." - Steve Pope

RichLather · Post by **RichLather** » Tue Oct 29, 2002 11:20 pm

"everyone has a right to be stupid, but some people abuse the privilege." -- Josef Stalin

grayplague · Post by **grayplague** » Tue Oct 29, 2002 11:21 pm

oops. I repeated one

FirestormXIII · Post by **FirestormXIII** » Tue Oct 29, 2002 11:45 pm

"Genius, unlike stupidity, has its limits."

Xanthrax · Post by **Xanthrax** » Wed Oct 30, 2002 2:39 am

I submitted about half of this site's content, and then it died before I could get the rest of my submissions through. There's a whole bunch of classy quotes hanging around it.[/url]

fyrtenheimer · Post by **fyrtenheimer** » Wed Oct 30, 2002 11:21 am

Xanthrax wrote:I submitted about half of this site's content, and then it died before I could get the rest of my submissions through. There's a whole bunch of classy quotes hanging around it.[/url]

Congress = "Suppose you were an idiot... And suppose you were a member of Congress...But I repeat myself." -Mark Twain

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO

btw ur sig rocks

Heero_Yuy84 · Post by **Heero_Yuy84** » Wed Oct 30, 2002 11:32 am

"Many people say I'm a monster, but that's not true, I have the heart of a small boy...I keep it in a glass jar on my desk" -- Stephen King

jonmartensen · Post by **jonmartensen** » Wed Oct 30, 2002 12:05 pm

I love these

Capitalism - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Capitalism (Global) - You have two cows. A multi-national company invests in them, buys the milk cheaply, and exports it to another country for processing. You have to buy imported yogurt at an inflated price.
communism (Pure) - You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk. (That's communism with a lower case 'c' )
Communism (Applied) - You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.
Counterculture - Wow, dude, there's like. . .these two cows, man. You have "got" to have same of this milk.
Democracy (Pure) - You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
Democracy (Representative) - You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
Democracy (American) - Politicians promise to give you two cows if you elect them. After you do, they redefine who qualifies for the cows so that only a select group of campaign contributors quality. The cows file a class action suit against you for breach of contract, while the milk price support floor is raised so astronomically that you switch to Coke.
Democracy (European) - You have two cows. At first, the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them Then it pays you not to milk them After that, it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
Dictatorship - You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
Facism - You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them. and sells you the milk.
Feudalism - You have two cows. Your landlord takes most of the milk.
Militarism - You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
Political Correctness - You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the warmongering, intolerant past) two differently aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specific gender.
Surrealism - You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
Totalitarianism - You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

fyrtenheimer · Post by **fyrtenheimer** » Wed Oct 30, 2002 12:16 pm

i learned that in Sociology class in HighSchool

ah...it's still funny

Declan_Vee · Post by **Declan_Vee** » Wed Oct 30, 2002 12:18 pm

"The escalator is the boxy one..." - Osaka

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random quotes.

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