Mom Jokes

[Beowulf]

Post all the lame jokes your parents tell you. I'll start with a favorite my mom has been throwing around since I was 5.

"Where did Napoleon hide his armies?"
....
"In his sleevies!"

[SQ]

http://twitter.com/shitmydadsays

/thread

[Zarxrax]

"Where did Napoleon hide his armies?"
....
"In his sleevies!"

Well... I don't think I can beat that

[Kionon]

Well, before he passed away, my dad used to, without fail say this:

"Daniel, would you watch my purse," my mom.

"Why, is it going to do tricks?" him.

I remember thinking it was completely hilarious at the time. Granted, I was also four.

[Prodigi]

My parents told me this story:

My parents had just started dating. They'd been together for a few months. My mom decided to go to my dad's place and cook him something as a suprise for when he got back from work. She made scones. He ended up being quite late back so by the time he got home the scones had gone pretty cold and hard.

His first words when picking one of them up: "Christ, this thing could kill a dog at 10 paces".

And so began their dysfunctional relationship.

Does that count?

[surfsama]

My parents told me this story:

My parents had just started dating. They'd been together for a few months. My mom decided to go to my dad's place and cook him something as a suprise for when he got back from work. She made scones. He ended up being quite late back so by the time he got home the scones had gone pretty cold and hard.

His first words when picking one of them up: "Christ, this thing could kill a dog at 10 paces".

And so began their dysfunctional relationship.

Does that count?

Oh god, whether it counts or not I almost ruined a perfectly good monitor from the coffee spray...

[Prodigi]

My parents told me this story:

My parents had just started dating. They'd been together for a few months. My mom decided to go to my dad's place and cook him something as a suprise for when he got back from work. She made scones. He ended up being quite late back so by the time he got home the scones had gone pretty cold and hard.

His first words when picking one of them up: "Christ, this thing could kill a dog at 10 paces".

And so began their dysfunctional relationship.

Does that count?

Oh god, whether it counts or not I almost ruined a perfectly good monitor from the coffee spray...

There's also the stripper at the wedding reception, but that's a whole other story.

[RolltheStampede]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BjrG5QQZxE

[JaddziaDax]

My dad once told me that Aspirin is the best kind of birth control

"tell her to stick it between her knees and keep it there"

I don't think that will work if someone is determined :/

[dreamawake]

My dad never ceases to tell this joke every Halloween...

"Why couldn't the witch get pregnant?

'CAUSE HER HUSBAND HAD A HOLLOWEINER"

...It was sorta funny the first time.