The Vent Thread
- Otohiko
- Joined: Mon May 05, 2003 8:32 pm
Re: Vent Thread
Yeah you are being a cynical bastard scott
Not to be a philosophical jerk myself, but loss is the nature of life and love. If you're not willing to deal with loss, you might as well never get up in the morning. If you're not willing to seek out positives from defeat and rejection, that'll just grind you down in the long run, because if you can't affirm the value of your own feelings - even if they were in vain - then you're going to forefeit whole years of your life while building up more and more unrealistic expectations. That's where healthy fatalism, rather than pure cynicism, is helpful - in the end, you lose everything anyway, and value in life isn't found in trying to desperately hang on to things and people, but in making the best of what you have/had while you can.
Unrequited love is a bitch and it hurts, but you can still take away a lot from it. You just need to stop angry about it and disengage yourself from it first, then you might just end up looking back on it as something very good. Where it becomes a problem isn't loss, but denial. It's where you can't let go of feelings, however hopeless they are, nor can reformulate your relationship with that person into something that's manageable for both parties.
Personally, I'm far more upset that it's now been slightly over a year since my last serious (but hopeless) crush than I am over my failtastic love life that's been composed of nothing but unrequited feelings and lost causes. Cause even those weren't so bad, really, and sure made things interesting while they lasted. I'd rather feel engaged in emotional futility than emotionless cynicism. I find the latter a lot more poisonous, energy-draining and difficult to live with. That's my purely personal take on it, anyway.
Then there is, of course, the issue of trauma. Rejection in love? You bet that can make for some pretty nasty trauma, but that's not something that you can cure with pills, or somehow reverse by going back in time changing things. It's not even something that a sudden success will reverse or erase. It's something that you have to learn to deal with. Yes, by that logic, it might seem like a better idea to avoid it rather than live with it, but you get to a point when it becomes no better than a phobia. Sure you might end up wanting to avoid cars if you ever get into a car accident, but are you really going to be better off never driving in the future? Would you really rather be stuck to things in walking distance from you than get in a vehicle? Does it make all the places you've been to thanks to cars before you had the accident worthless?
I'm not saying at all that it's not a big deal - it is. But you can choose to shut down over it, or learn to live with it. And it's much easier to live with anything when you realize that hey, that had lots of positive aspects to it too, and the wreck that you ended up in doesn't really cancel them out.
Not to be a philosophical jerk myself, but loss is the nature of life and love. If you're not willing to deal with loss, you might as well never get up in the morning. If you're not willing to seek out positives from defeat and rejection, that'll just grind you down in the long run, because if you can't affirm the value of your own feelings - even if they were in vain - then you're going to forefeit whole years of your life while building up more and more unrealistic expectations. That's where healthy fatalism, rather than pure cynicism, is helpful - in the end, you lose everything anyway, and value in life isn't found in trying to desperately hang on to things and people, but in making the best of what you have/had while you can.
Unrequited love is a bitch and it hurts, but you can still take away a lot from it. You just need to stop angry about it and disengage yourself from it first, then you might just end up looking back on it as something very good. Where it becomes a problem isn't loss, but denial. It's where you can't let go of feelings, however hopeless they are, nor can reformulate your relationship with that person into something that's manageable for both parties.
Personally, I'm far more upset that it's now been slightly over a year since my last serious (but hopeless) crush than I am over my failtastic love life that's been composed of nothing but unrequited feelings and lost causes. Cause even those weren't so bad, really, and sure made things interesting while they lasted. I'd rather feel engaged in emotional futility than emotionless cynicism. I find the latter a lot more poisonous, energy-draining and difficult to live with. That's my purely personal take on it, anyway.
Then there is, of course, the issue of trauma. Rejection in love? You bet that can make for some pretty nasty trauma, but that's not something that you can cure with pills, or somehow reverse by going back in time changing things. It's not even something that a sudden success will reverse or erase. It's something that you have to learn to deal with. Yes, by that logic, it might seem like a better idea to avoid it rather than live with it, but you get to a point when it becomes no better than a phobia. Sure you might end up wanting to avoid cars if you ever get into a car accident, but are you really going to be better off never driving in the future? Would you really rather be stuck to things in walking distance from you than get in a vehicle? Does it make all the places you've been to thanks to cars before you had the accident worthless?
I'm not saying at all that it's not a big deal - it is. But you can choose to shut down over it, or learn to live with it. And it's much easier to live with anything when you realize that hey, that had lots of positive aspects to it too, and the wreck that you ended up in doesn't really cancel them out.
The Birds are using humanity in order to throw something terrifying at this green pig. And then what happens to us all later, that’s simply not important to them…
- Castor Troy
- Ryan Molina, A.C.E
- Joined: Tue Jan 16, 2001 8:45 pm
- Status: Retired from AMVs
- Location: California
- Contact:
Re: Vent Thread
I celebrate 10 years of being single this fall!Pwolf wrote:Something I have been thinking about recently but feel like sharing due to the circumstances:
Alfred Tennyson is a jerk. He wrote these famous words:
Which in my opinion is BS but i guess it depends on how you look at it (I'm feeling cynical today).'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
"You're ignoring everything, except what you want to hear.." - jbone
- BasharOfTheAges
- Just zis guy, you know?
- Joined: Tue Sep 14, 2004 11:32 pm
- Status: Breathing
- Location: Merrimack, NH
Re: Vent Thread
Order package. UPS shipping data! Yay! Lots of detailed data about pickup, and shipment through the first 2 facilities... Silence for 6 days. Scheduled for delivery tomorrow - the last day I can get it before I'm away for several days. Specifically need it while I'm away. Panic. Set delivery notification and status update emails. Hour later get an update email... Everything is still the same - update was from 6 days ago. FUUUUUUUUUUUU
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- Otohiko
- Joined: Mon May 05, 2003 8:32 pm
Re: Vent Thread
Pff, I celebrate 28 years of being single next weekCastor Troy wrote: I celebrate 10 years of being single this fall!
...
/rageface
The Birds are using humanity in order to throw something terrifying at this green pig. And then what happens to us all later, that’s simply not important to them…
- Flint the Dwarf
- Joined: Wed Jan 16, 2002 6:58 pm
- Location: Ashland, WI
Re: Vent Thread
To the first question, very possibly. To the second, why not? To the third, no, but it puts everything else into perspective. Your relationship with your more immediate surroundings becomes different.Otohiko wrote:Sure you might end up wanting to avoid cars if you ever get into a car accident, but are you really going to be better off never driving in the future? Would you really rather be stuck to things in walking distance from you than get in a vehicle? Does it make all the places you've been to thanks to cars before you had the accident worthless?
Having never had a license or having owned a car, I've walked most everywhere all my adult life. I've noticed my attitude toward the city or town in which I live ends up being fundamentally different from those around me. What you do have available to you becomes more essential, less liable to be taken for granted. If you want to compare vehicular transportation to love, because they both help you reach places you couldn't before (cars physically, love emotionally), you consider the alternative. Cars get people places quickly, help them do more in less time. Love focuses and intensifies emotional ties with one person, effectively reaching a higher ground more quickly. Both create a sort of dependency that make it difficult for a person to cope without.
Having loved and lost, I don't know if the convenience of love was worth the crippling afterward. In the last 3 years I haven't even approached the "crush" relationship with another person. I feel cut off and isolated. I interact with people, relate with them and empathize with them, but never really connect. I don't even think self-dependence is necessarily the best path, but the sort of focused purpose of love tends to exclude the scenery of life; meaningful interactions with other people. I think I can live a fulfilling life without that single relationship to which we could ascribe the word "love." I think I can walk, stroll, and saunter through the crowds and not feel alone. But I still feel crippled, like I could do more, and without that one extra thing I'll be missing something crucial.
At least you can get insurance with cars.
Kusoyaro: We don't need a leader. We need to SHUT UP. Make what you want to make, don't make you what you don't want to make. If neither of those applies to you, then you need to SHUT UP MORE.
- Castor Troy
- Ryan Molina, A.C.E
- Joined: Tue Jan 16, 2001 8:45 pm
- Status: Retired from AMVs
- Location: California
- Contact:
Re: Vent Thread
I'd LOVE to never have to drive again and just walk everywhere.Flint the Dwarf wrote:To the first question, very possibly. To the second, why not? To the third, no, but it puts everything else into perspective. Your relationship with your more immediate surroundings becomes different.Otohiko wrote:Sure you might end up wanting to avoid cars if you ever get into a car accident, but are you really going to be better off never driving in the future? Would you really rather be stuck to things in walking distance from you than get in a vehicle? Does it make all the places you've been to thanks to cars before you had the accident worthless?
Having never had a license or having owned a car, I've walked most everywhere all my adult life. I've noticed my attitude toward the city or town in which I live ends up being fundamentally different from those around me. What you do have available to you becomes more essential, less liable to be taken for granted. If you want to compare vehicular transportation to love, because they both help you reach places you couldn't before (cars physically, love emotionally), you consider the alternative. Cars get people places quickly, help them do more in less time. Love focuses and intensifies emotional ties with one person, effectively reaching a higher ground more quickly. Both create a sort of dependency that make it difficult for a person to cope without.
Having loved and lost, I don't know if the convenience of love was worth the crippling afterward. In the last 3 years I haven't even approached the "crush" relationship with another person. I feel cut off and isolated. I interact with people, relate with them and empathize with them, but never really connect. I don't even think self-dependence is necessarily the best path, but the sort of focused purpose of love tends to exclude the scenery of life; meaningful interactions with other people. I think I can live a fulfilling life without that single relationship to which we could ascribe the word "love." I think I can walk, stroll, and saunter through the crowds and not feel alone. But I still feel crippled, like I could do more, and without that one extra thing I'll be missing something crucial.
At least you can get insurance with cars.
I should probably live in new york.
"You're ignoring everything, except what you want to hear.." - jbone
- Otohiko
- Joined: Mon May 05, 2003 8:32 pm
Re: Vent Thread
You do have good points Flint, but I don't think any of them boil down to "better..." - it's just a different way perspective. Yes, relationships fuck you up. But as you can see, the possibility of success and reaching something better still makes it worth it. And in the weird way, I think even the hurtful experiences are or can be productive. You probably wouldn't learn anything without them.
Also, the irony....
So I suppose my analogy already has a bunch of holes in it. I love walking and I've never really felt a need to own a vehicle. I'm happy without one, though it doesn't mean that I consider cars somehow unproductive or unworthwhile. And other people still drive me places.
The bottom line is where you're going in the first place with your life and what you want out of it. If your life is focused on somehow possession, attachment, permanency and avoidance of loss, you're going to be sorely disappointed either way. The problem is that avoidance of loss doesn't actually work, and having less to lose doesn't mean that there's not going to be things you'll be unwilling to part with but will be forced to. Viewed from a fatalistic perspective, life is simply the unstoppable process of losing everything. It could happen slowly, it could happen quickly, but it will happen. And it will hurt. Degrees of hurt and degrees of loss don't even really matter - because like I said, in the end they equal the loss of everything. On the other hand, if your life is focused on acceptance of loss, affirmation of your ability to act and to love, and search for unity with (rather than safety from) the world, you will find that even in the most miserable places. Love - which can take many forms, not necessarily romantic - isn't just a "vehicle" to get you there. It IS the very experience of acceptance, affirmation, unity, and ultimately also of loss. It's all there is. That doesn't mean you should rush head-first into trauma and fuck yourself over as quickly as possible, of course. But it also doesn't mean shutting down any possibility for fear of loss. In the end, being dumped or rejected is a small loss compared to what awaits you in later life, and it's much better to take the risk and have someone to face that later life with later.
Also, the irony....
I've never owned a car in my life, nor really plan toFlint the Dwarf wrote: Having never had a license or having owned a car, I've walked most everywhere all my adult life. I've noticed my attitude toward the city or town in which I live ends up being fundamentally different from those around me. What you do have available to you becomes more essential, less liable to be taken for granted. If you want to compare vehicular transportation to love, because they both help you reach places you couldn't before (cars physically, love emotionally), you consider the alternative. Cars get people places quickly, help them do more in less time. Love focuses and intensifies emotional ties with one person, effectively reaching a higher ground more quickly. Both create a sort of dependency that make it difficult for a person to cope without.
So I suppose my analogy already has a bunch of holes in it. I love walking and I've never really felt a need to own a vehicle. I'm happy without one, though it doesn't mean that I consider cars somehow unproductive or unworthwhile. And other people still drive me places.
The bottom line is where you're going in the first place with your life and what you want out of it. If your life is focused on somehow possession, attachment, permanency and avoidance of loss, you're going to be sorely disappointed either way. The problem is that avoidance of loss doesn't actually work, and having less to lose doesn't mean that there's not going to be things you'll be unwilling to part with but will be forced to. Viewed from a fatalistic perspective, life is simply the unstoppable process of losing everything. It could happen slowly, it could happen quickly, but it will happen. And it will hurt. Degrees of hurt and degrees of loss don't even really matter - because like I said, in the end they equal the loss of everything. On the other hand, if your life is focused on acceptance of loss, affirmation of your ability to act and to love, and search for unity with (rather than safety from) the world, you will find that even in the most miserable places. Love - which can take many forms, not necessarily romantic - isn't just a "vehicle" to get you there. It IS the very experience of acceptance, affirmation, unity, and ultimately also of loss. It's all there is. That doesn't mean you should rush head-first into trauma and fuck yourself over as quickly as possible, of course. But it also doesn't mean shutting down any possibility for fear of loss. In the end, being dumped or rejected is a small loss compared to what awaits you in later life, and it's much better to take the risk and have someone to face that later life with later.
The Birds are using humanity in order to throw something terrifying at this green pig. And then what happens to us all later, that’s simply not important to them…
- Metallilyn
- Joined: Mon Feb 06, 2012 8:00 pm
Re: Vent Thread
I just actually got out of the Psychiatric Hospital, and I'm finally home. I feel like I really let myself and my family, heck, even Re-Evolution down since I let myself get to a low point and I finally broke. I feel comfortable telling you all this because I know there isn't any reason to judge, I basically Baker Acted myself to the nearest Psychiatric facility and I am home now. I was in for six days. I'm ready to go back to editing, with a clearer head. I think that all the stress with my grandfather being in and out of the hospital, sick kitties, no money, no job anymore, and I dropped out of schooling for Graphics Technology, I feel like a really big void in my life is building. I don't really enjoy doing anything anymore. I'll go outside when I'm home and have some coffee and a cigarette, but I'm quitting smoking because I don't even like THAT anymore. I'm just happy about one thing.. I'm alive. As sappy as that sounds I'm so happy to be here, to see and hear my grandpa say that he loves me which he rarely does, even though I know he does because he feels it, but raaaaarely says it.
- Flint the Dwarf
- Joined: Wed Jan 16, 2002 6:58 pm
- Location: Ashland, WI
Re: Vent Thread
Now you're just depressing me, George.
I'm gonna go back to being alone and totally okay with it. Okay with what I have to be okay with!
I'm gonna go back to being alone and totally okay with it. Okay with what I have to be okay with!
Kusoyaro: We don't need a leader. We need to SHUT UP. Make what you want to make, don't make you what you don't want to make. If neither of those applies to you, then you need to SHUT UP MORE.
- Castor Troy
- Ryan Molina, A.C.E
- Joined: Tue Jan 16, 2001 8:45 pm
- Status: Retired from AMVs
- Location: California
- Contact:
Re: Vent Thread
Today's been a fairly normal day and I'm not mad or anything.
But my mood has been constantly shifting from being normal to wanting to go into a wolverine like rage for no reason.
I think I'm pregnant.
But my mood has been constantly shifting from being normal to wanting to go into a wolverine like rage for no reason.
I think I'm pregnant.
"You're ignoring everything, except what you want to hear.." - jbone