The Vent Thread

[MycathatesyouAMV]

Thanks for the support Miaka. You seem like a general fun person to talk to from what I've seen here on the org, if you have a Skype feel free to add me (Mycathatesyou0000).

And as painful as a charley horse is, I couldn't help but chuckle at the dramatic change of topic between the two posts haha.

[Kitsuner]

I've made alot of awesome friends through amvs and some that I've even gotten to meet and enjoy time with in real life. But alot of the times and especially lately, I'm just really paranoid and feel like I'm just a bother to everyone. It's frustrating because I don't want to make those people feel like I don't trust them or think badly of them, I just have a history of low self-esteem and feeling like I'm unwanted by everyone. Mainly in general, but due to me being completely silent at my new college and all of my local/highschool friends being back home, my editor friends are the ones I currently have the most social interactions with. I just wish I had a better perspective of what people thought of me and that I didn't have to feel so paranoid about myself all the time.

Following up on this, my life has just been a bit downhill as of lately. So I'm struggling with a ton of shit and this is just one of the many things on my mind I felt like venting about it. Sometimes I wish I had the guts to ask people if I was doing something wrong, but I dont want to feel like a huge drag to them and create an awkward situation out of it. So it's like this back and fourth struggle in my head where I'm afraid of what my friends think of me, but I'm also always afraid to talk to them about certain things, which leads to me feeling guilty about myself because I feel like I'm not treating my friends with enough trust.

I can empathize with this 100%. Feeling like you're not doing things right or missing out on something or that your friends are only pretending to like you is rough, even if you know objectively that things are going all right. It took me years to fully believe my AMV friends genuinely like me and want me around, but I still have a lot of trouble disabling my social filters and actually connecting with people. I can't even count the number of times I've held back from posting vents and complaints because I felt it wouldn't accomplish anything except making other people upset. On top of that, I feel like most of my problems are caused by me, so whenever I do complain I get very self-conscious about how much I let myself wallow in self-hatred. I've seen people get worn out by it and leave, and it doesn't fix anything anyway.

I guess the main reason I'm actually posting it now is to show you you're not alone in feeling alone and that maybe you're doing better than you realize. Enough people have been surprised to find out I have social anxiety that sometimes I think maybe I really don't. Maybe I convinced myself that I'm not as socially experienced as other people. Maybe you did too. Or maybe I'm just talking nonsense. Believing your problems are imaginary doesn't make them go away, of course, but if certain problems really are imaginary, maybe they can be unimagined or reimagined at some point.

[Castor Troy]

fuck i hate getting a charley horse!!!

I had 2 last night.

[Miaka999]

aww thanks for your kinds words MycathatesyouAMV. Unfortunately I do not have Skype, but have yahoo and msn instead. You seem like a fun person to talk to as well and that goes for everyone as well. You know... I've been thinking how tragic it is to go day by day and missing out on getting to know people all because you feel insecure about yourself. Its tragic because you are missing out on getting to know many wonderful people. When you think about it, that really sux. I know its hard to not be afraid....but sometimes you got to be strong and a little selfish about what you want. Its perfectly alright to be a little selfish. Don't let things get you down and don't hold back in what you have to say because your afraid to make people upset. We all have one life in this world, and if we hold back in what we have to say, feel, and act, then what kind of a world are you living in? Its not really a world where you feel free. Just be free and let go, have some free spirit and believe in yourself for what you are worth.

[BasharOfTheAges]

I've made alot of awesome friends through amvs and some that I've even gotten to meet and enjoy time with in real life. But alot of the times and especially lately, I'm just really paranoid and feel like I'm just a bother to everyone. It's frustrating because I don't want to make those people feel like I don't trust them or think badly of them, I just have a history of low self-esteem and feeling like I'm unwanted by everyone. Mainly in general, but due to me being completely silent at my new college and all of my local/highschool friends being back home, my editor friends are the ones I currently have the most social interactions with. I just wish I had a better perspective of what people thought of me and that I didn't have to feel so paranoid about myself all the time.

Following up on this, my life has just been a bit downhill as of lately. So I'm struggling with a ton of shit and this is just one of the many things on my mind I felt like venting about it. Sometimes I wish I had the guts to ask people if I was doing something wrong, but I dont want to feel like a huge drag to them and create an awkward situation out of it. So it's like this back and fourth struggle in my head where I'm afraid of what my friends think of me, but I'm also always afraid to talk to them about certain things, which leads to me feeling guilty about myself because I feel like I'm not treating my friends with enough trust.

I can empathize with this 100%. Feeling like you're not doing things right or missing out on something or that your friends are only pretending to like you is rough, even if you know objectively that things are going all right. It took me years to fully believe my AMV friends genuinely like me and want me around, but I still have a lot of trouble disabling my social filters and actually connecting with people. I can't even count the number of times I've held back from posting vents and complaints because I felt it wouldn't accomplish anything except making other people upset. On top of that, I feel like most of my problems are caused by me, so whenever I do complain I get very self-conscious about how much I let myself wallow in self-hatred. I've seen people get worn out by it and leave, and it doesn't fix anything anyway.

I guess the main reason I'm actually posting it now is to show you you're not alone in feeling alone and that maybe you're doing better than you realize. Enough people have been surprised to find out I have social anxiety that sometimes I think maybe I really don't. Maybe I convinced myself that I'm not as socially experienced as other people. Maybe you did too. Or maybe I'm just talking nonsense. Believing your problems are imaginary doesn't make them go away, of course, but if certain problems really are imaginary, maybe they can be unimagined or reimagined at some point.

Truthfully, I've spent most of my life assuming any time people (who I didn't know for a long time) were being extra nice to me it was a set up or it was some sort of pity friendship - like how people are extra nice to the mentally handicapped. Always thought of it as skepticism or caution instead of paranoia...

[Miaka999]

lol yeah the pain was building up slowly as I was writing and it became painful to the point of unbearable...ugh really its a nuisance. That is why I couldn't ignore the pain anymore and had to vent about the charley horse. Castor Troy, I had five last night. Its a miracle I could walk this morning

[Ambiati]

Unfortunately I do not have Skype, but have yahoo and msn instead.

MSN is now skype.

[Ambiati]

I'm just sitting here, minding my own business, being happy and all. Then my brain think it's fracking cute to remind me of all the embarrassing things I've done in the past month.
I know it sounds awful but it gets WORSE.
I'm suddenly reminded of all the depressing shit I've been through AND my mind keeps replaying this one scene from my childhood that was seriously very embarrassing.

I can't sleep now.

[Pwolf]

Think of kittens.

[Miaka999]

meow