The Vent Thread

[Pwolf]

just tell her that you already gave her a chance last month, it was her obligation to step up and get a job and she didn't manage to do that. You worked hard for that money and you shouldn't be treated like a bank. If you have plans for what you want to use your money on, then do it, don't let your sister get in the way of what you want to do with your life.

It's not a lose-lose situation. You already gave her assistance and she doesn't seem to appreciate it enough to look harder for a job. That's her problem, not yours. By standing up to her and not giving her what she wants, you are only coming out on top. If you keep giving in to her demands, she'll never learn. Hopefully it will be a win-win situation because she'll figure out she's screwed and look harder to get a job.

[Otohiko]

Been/am there, sadly I lent my brother $2000 3 years ago. I couldn't have not done it, but the fact that I was soft about either setting conditions or prodding him to return it only ended up souring my relation with him even more. He just took it for granted and has since been a dick as a result. Complete with long-distance relationships on skype, exuberant entertainment spending and not getting jobs (until recently). In other words, I worked my ass off honestly and had to sacrifice my own social life to some extent, while he enjoyed his (all while complaining about how much life apparently sucks for him). And I still end up paying some bills for him. Long story short, people never learn from living on others' money. They just take it for granted, and worse, often ignore how good they have it and bitch incessantly about how terrible their life is.

Please cut it as soon as you can, cause it only gets worse for everyone if you let it drag out...

[Castor Troy]

Thanks for the advice guys.

I'm not looking forward to confronting her when I get back home since it'll end up disastrous, but the goal is to keep my wallet safe.

[Radical_Yue]

Don't think of it as a confrontation... think of it as giving her the wake up call she desperately needs ;p

[Otohiko]

Yeah, and I mean, confronting or not, there's also a point where you have to say "I can't". You can't make yourself responsible for other people even when you want to, especially when that involves into other commitments you already have.

[Castor Troy]

Well, I made my stand and it turned out more disastrous than I could possibly imagine.

Much yelling, screaming, throwing things, tempers flaring, and fists pounding walls. Sister tells me to fuck off as she storms out the door.

I don't even know if I'll ever get my money back. Fuck.

[Pwolf]

well, look at it this way. if not now, then at what point would you tell her no? This month? next month? the month after that? what would happen if you had given her another $1000 today and made your stand the next time? there's the chance you would be out of $2000 in that case. What if you kept giving her more money and she never pays you back anyway?

In stead of looking at it like, "oh crap now she hates me, i'll never get my money back", look at it like, "at least I didn't give her any more."

[Castor Troy]

While I made my stand, I'm afraid she's going to try to move to New York with her new boyfriend to get away from everyone she owes money to. That's gonna fuck up everything even worse and knowing how impulsive and prideful she is, she may actually do it.

[BasharOfTheAges]

Thank science for small claims court.

[Otohiko]

Yeah, don't fret over it, you've done the right thing. At a certain point, for all the good intentions, you can't let other people run your life, whether it be by bullying (as in your case) or just sheer manipulation. If she's so insistent on making her own mistakes, fine...

Sadly (or happily) I've learned that the best way to deal with family once you're more or less independent and able to look after yourself is to keep them at arm's reach. It was very difficult for me up until a few months ago, but then I think both sides finally realized that there's gotta be some sensible limits and that drama does nobody's nerves or wallets any good.