http://www.johndclare.net/Russ12_Jokes.htmarzuro wrote:They aren't russian.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Russian_jokeIn the Red Square in Moscow, a line is snaking toward the Lenin's tomb. A change of guard is watched by the onlookers. A kid asks, "Daddy, why do they always keep guard at the tomb?"
"Didn't you hear what they say all the time? Lenin lived, Lenin is alive,Lenin will live forever. What if , God forbid, he is indeed alive, and decides to walk out of the tomb?"
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On the occasion of the anniversary of the Great October Socialist Revolution, a meeting of Party members is held in a village. The Chairman of the local Soviet gives a speech,
"Dear comrades! Let's look at the amazing achievements of our Party after the revolution. For example, here sits Maria. Who was she before? An illiterate peasant woman, she had but one dress and no shoes. And now? She is an exemplary milkmaid known over the entire region. Or look at Ivan Andreev. He was the poorest man in this village, had no horse, no cow, and even no axe. And now? He is a tractor driver, and has two pairs of shoes! Or look at Trofim Semenovich Alekseev. He was a nasty hooligan, a lowest drunkard, a dirty gadabout. Nobody trusted him even with a snowdrift in wintertime, as he would steal anything his gaze fell upon. And now he's a Secretary of the Party Committee!"
At the 1980 olympics, Brezhnev begins his speech. "O!" -- applause. "O!" -- more applause. "O!" -- yet more applause. "O!" -- an ovation. "O!!!" -- the whole audience stands up and applauds. An aide comes running to the podium and whispers, "Leonid Ilyich, that's the olympic logo, you don't need to read it!"
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Lenin showed how you can rule a country; Stalin showed how you should rule a country; Khrushchev showed that any moron can rule a country; Brezhnev showed that not every moron can rule a country.