Funny Convos

[Ileia]

MOAR LIEK BOREDROOM, AMIRITE?!

[Pwolf]

Boss: Where's my new label maker?
Me: What's wrong with the old one?
Boss: You guys are using it all the time but don't worry, I'll let you use the new one when you're labeling all the cables in the server room.
Me: Isn't that a job for the intern?

(Later on in the convo he's looking at the physical inventory we (interns and myself) took of the city's computer equipment. Also the current intern is a pilot when he's not working here.)

Boss: Whats up with all the blanks in the inventory spreadsheet?
Me: I didn't do those, it was the intern.
Boss: What about these? (points to more blanks)
Me: The intern. Man that guy is always up in the clouds! (pilot reference, har har)
Boss: Seriously.
Me: Who keeps hiring these guys? (him obviously, har har)
Boss: Exactly, which is why you're labeling the cables in the server room. You're the responsible one.
Me: I hate you.

[CodeZTM]

Boss: Zack, can I get a printout of our subscriber database?
Me: Sure, just a sec..
/goes to print out the 100+ page subscriber database from "THE BIG COMPUTER"
/Boss gets the database and reads over it for about an hour
Boss: Hm... Just as I thought. We've been giving hundreds of free subscriptions every year that aren't being paid.
Zack: WHAT?! How'd that happen?
Boss: Turns out that our last manager decided to not update the database at all.
Zack: Good grief. That's like.... Thousands of dollars. Gone.
Boss: Which is why it's now your job! [Laughs]
Zack: What! I'm already doing the online database, the payroll database and I manage everything we do online!
Boss: They're all up to date too. I think you need a promotion and should be managing all our databases. You're the only one here that knows Access Anyway.
Zack: That'll teach me to work hard in life!
Boss: God Bless America!

This was my conversation about 30 minutes ago, and the story how I now have nearly 15+ databases to manage, as well as all my other responsibilities around the office. Not that I'm complaining, the pay raise and extra hours will be awesome, but it will be nearly a month before I fix everything our last manager fucked up, not to mention the countless akward phone calls saying "Sorry, we now realize you have been mooching off of our mistake, so you're going to have to start paying again" >_>;

[Which, by the way, my resume SHOULD be AWESOME, but why have I been turned down from like 10 different jobs in the last year?]

[Prodigi]

Tim: Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted. WUUUUTANNNGGGGGGGGG
Richard: I am nut impressed
Cal: Almonderwhelmed by your jokes.
Richard: Don’t let me cashew making any more of those jokes
Cal: Stop pecan on him.
Tim: 3 beavers were heading upstream for the winter. One stopped, looked at the other and said: Lets macadamia.
Richard: These jokes are getting acorn-ier and acorn-ier
Cal: I think we’ve hit a walnut with these jokes. (critical mass?)

Critical mass has been hit. Joke over.

[Prodigi]

Conversation via email. Lots of images, hidden beneath spoiler to save loading and shiz.

Spoiler :

[Prodigi]

Seth is returning from a meeting.
As he walks past we high-five.
Seconds later someone gets a text message, and their tone sounds very similar to the 'level up' sound from FF7
Cal: Did you just level up?
Seth: I think it was the high-five that did it.

[CodeZTM]

Me: I GOT THE JOB!
Buddy: Where at again?
Me: Duvall Accounting!
Buddy: The really fat guy?
Me: Uh... Yeah?
Buddy: I swear that guy's a pedophile.
Me: WHAT?
Buddy: Haven't you seen his bumper sticker?!
Me: No, what is it?
Buddy: ITS PEDOBEAR!
Me: WHAT?
Buddy: He's just got a really lame hat on and looks really realistic.
Me: ...
Me: You mean Smokey the Bear?
Buddy: Oh. Well, if you want to get technical.
Me: Why do I still talk with you?
Buddy: Why are you working with a guy that has Smokey the Bear as a bumper sticker?
Me: Touche'
Buddy: I always win these things.
Me: LIEZ
Buddy: Did I mention I'm going to glitter something to appease my Twilight girlfriend?
- CodeZTM has logged out

[Pwolf]

Wouldn't really call this a conversation but i thought it was pretty funny...

My coworker is going to be on maternity leave for 3 months starting early September. We are understaffed as is so this is going to be a difficult time for the office and the rest of the city. So, today, while she's in a meeting with the boss, the Public Works Director submitted a help desk ticket asking if we can postpone her pregnancy for 6 months until we finish these high profile projects that are going on or starting while she's away. We all had a good laugh, hahaha.

[Prodigi]

Jesse [11:25 AM]:
send me some of your luck
Friend [11:25 AM]:
i cant
i store it in my dick
Jesse [11:26 AM]:
so
if i sleep with someone you slept with
i get third hand luck?
and syphilis
Friend [11:26 AM]:
pretty much

[BurningLeaves]

A girl I haven't spoken to in 5 years just called me up drunk to ask if I was going to our High School reunion... 3 years from now.


Her: Hey I haven't talked to you in forever! Are you going to the reunion?
Me: It's 2010...
Her: I know, but I don't want to be the only one going.
Me: Are you drunk?
Her: Yeah! Tomorrows my birthday.
Me: Happy Birthday
Her: Thank you! Remember that time in High School when you punched me in the face?
Me: Yeah, sorry about that.
Her: It's okay... Hey! Guess what tomorrow is?
Me: :/

And those were literally the only 3 things she wanted to talk about.