doubt anyone will read this but ummidk how many people here remember me, i used to be really active about 4-5 years ago and kinda left the community due to some dumb drama. it was kind of complicated, but the more I look back on it, I realize how stupid it really was.
theres a lot of shit i posted here that im not particularly proud of. i was young, stupid and immature. i know a lot of people here have done stuff in the past that they regret. but everyone has their "naruto" stage i guess, for lack of a better term. but for me, the past 10 years ive been dealing with a lot of personal issues that really affected who i was as a person. every day i had really intense stress - but it seemed so normal to me it just became routine and I never thought much of it. a little over a year ago it came to a head and i was probably at the darkest point in my life where i was crying every day, cutting myself, even attempting suicide. i literally stopped eating for days and lost over 30 pounds. i had to make my family and friends deal with so much, all because i didn't speak up. all because i didn't get help for what i was going through at the time.
but i finally did get help. i was in therapy for about 6 months and it helped change my perspective on a lot of things. now im really becoming that positive, happy person ive always tried to be, but never really was back in the day. ive changed. ive changed a lot, and i'm still changing. i'm finally able to enjoy things in life that i never though i'd be able to.
so you might be wondering the point of this post. The point is this: I'm sorry.
now im not going to try to defend my actions by blaming it on what i had to deal with. the fact is, things ive said and done have hurt a lot of people. too many people really, to go out and message them all myself. hell, chances are a lot of these people have forgotten what ive done to them. but the guilt remains and i have to let this out so I can become the person i want to be.
some of you reading this are probably thinking "what the hell is all this" or "who the hell are you" and thats fine. the people ive hurt will hopefully understand and thats all i really want to be honest. i kind of want to start over - though i know the org is a lot quieter now than it used to be, so chances are if i become more active here no one will even notice. that being said, i really wanted to get this off my chest.
sorry if you guys think this is unnecessary or melodramatic (￣◇￣;) i just want everyone who knows what was going on to know that i no longer bear a grudge against this community, nor its members, and i hope that everyone will let me start over ;;
for those who still hate me, thats okay. heres a dancing duck.
