First off this is really fun for me, I want to let you know ^^ I've not had a fun debate in quite a while, so I hope you're getting stuff out of this as well, because I certainly am!
One thing I should clarify is that everything I said is completely worthless if you're unwilling to consider that "masculine" and "feminine" have absolutely nothing to do with 'men' and 'women'. Since birth my family has made me very aware of the fact that masculinity and femininity are very much in all human beings. Like the concept of Ying and Yang is all about achieving balance in those aspects, so the masculine and feminine aspects are part of each human experience, not separated into men and women, but of the same body. Please consider what I said with that in mind, because you mentioned you understood what I was going for and then talked about it in terms of men and women again, which is actually a completely different conversation than masculinity and femininity. If those are buzz words for you that make you annoyed hearing them, let me know, but for this purpose, please consider that I'm speaking with complete objectivity without any attachment to what should or should not be regarding our cultural perceptions. I'm just speaking about the psychology and biology of it in terms of why Light and Misa had that relationship, but more specifically why so few people seemed to like her.
As for your friend, her realization isn't abnormal at that time. She's at a good place actually in getting that. It's often mixed signals, because men don't want to constantly be doing something and very often need time alone, as do women, the times just often differ it seems ^^ I've had training that proves that all men can tap into their feminine side and can express themselves in verbiage that will allow them to explore their fears more openly, it's simply cultural that has instilled in many men that we must be strong and withheld in order to truly be considered men. On the flip side, the women who are knee-deep in their own drama are the ones who are stuck in their own head, the ones who are constantly making up what other people think without any real evidence for it, and blaming/judging those people based on those created images. I'm told it tends to happen the most in groups of girlfriends ^^
You're correct, I now remember the scene better. My issue with interpretation is that so many people interpret things so much that bullshit arises. Interpretation is often misrepresentation, and it irritates me. Well-animated body language, subtlety of words, the right atmosphere, these are all intentional by writers and directors. L asked Light to rub his feet at a complete off-guard moment for that specific reason: test him, as he always was, but if the author made it lead to him kissing Light or something, obviously there would be more there. The genius of Death Note is it's not always obvious until you see the aftermath what was happening, rather than being able to foretell outcomes. The scene was, if I remember correctly, a little hammed up, but I think it was more jocular in the sense that I was smirking inwardly since I got what L was trying to do. Again I'd have to see it again, but it's not even important. It's generally scenes like that can send fools off the deep end into stupid interpretations that get to me. If a girl wants to yaoi it up and shove a sex scene in, as long as nobody's stupid enough to say 'that totally would have happened' I haven't a problem at all. Lord knows I enjoy all the fun little hentai stories that have no chance of ever happening between certain characters, but are still ludicrously funny to read the situations. Do you KNOW how many Hideyoshi doujinshi there are!? (if you know who that is ^^)
And I didn't miss the point with friends with benefits, it's just that you define it different then men would I think. Friends are friends, sex is sex, if the combo is there, we can very VERY easily go 'oh, she doesn't want to make sex into relationship? SAFE!" and men get the joy of not having to deal with potential drama but still gain the benefit of sex, hence the benefits part. Men in no way consider friends with benefits a 'relationship' in the romantic sense, at least if some do they're in a very tiny minority. Friends having drama is FAR different then relationship drama. You have a lot less at stake in a friends with benefits situation, whereas a relationship you have a commitment to consider the future with the person. It's basically a situation that requires far less lifestyle compromise.
In regards to needing time to cool off, perhaps you're right. I honestly just do not need any. I've not been angry at anything but videogames in years, and even then it's just frustration and I keep going until either A) I beat it, or B) I realize my adrenaline is too high and I can't relax enough to do it correctly. Very rational, logical solutions that I can explain if asked. Every single thing I'm afraid of or angry at, I don't shy away from, I explore it so that I can know what it is about me that is causing me to feel that way. Taking responsibility for my emotions. I actually have a bit of a Pavlovian response to negative emotions. I feel the familiar sinking in my stomach and immediately I return to consciousness and go 'wait... what's getting to me' and call my brother or someone to talk through it to find the source. The same logic is with anger. If anger is there, it means something is causing it. Just because you can't yet identify it doesn't mean there isn't a source.
That friend of mine claimed that she couldn't pinpoint it and nothing was causing it, she just was angry and her boyfriend's face just triggered it more. I just rolled my eyes. I'll admit what I hate is the irony is women seem to love communication and talking, but when they need to explore what about them could be part of the problem causing misunderstandings, they want you to shut up ^^ Remaining in their own head and being right rather than figuring out what specifically is missing from the situation doesn't seem to be a norm amongst women. Men do this as well, don't get me wrong, but the dynamic between men is such that we can say "That's because you (whatever) ya dumb shit!" "Oh... well fuck you!" "Just do (whatever) and see what happens." "All right, fine." That convo's actually happened for me, was quite fun ^^
If nothing else, let me ask you something specific in this case. If someone could guarantee you that if you were willing to explore the source of something causing anger that on the other side of it you'd have a new understanding of yourself and the world around you, wouldn't you jump at the chance? In anger, people are in a state of fear. The very idea of being introspective causes anger to enter terror rather quickly because it wouldn't be able to blame something other than itself if it looks inward.
I'm not sure why you thought I meant Polygamy as the only alternative for Monogamy. Actually I guess it may be the next step in etymology, now that I think about it ^^ But no, what I meant was basically what you said, spending time with one partner, then when love diminishes moving to another if that's just how things go. If love sticks around long enough and feels right, children are born and raised. That's why I hate marriage because a sheet of paper means jack shit. It's the love between them that should delineate the relationship. The contract means nothing because things change all the time. Contracts are amended, changes drawn up as new situations arise, this doesn't happen in a marriage, so the contract analogy has always bothered me. The reason marriage as a concept exists in our culture is because it's been crammed down our throat for thousands of years as being right in the eyes of a big bearded guy in the sky who suspiciously stole his visage from Zeus around the time the Catholic church came to power ^^ The odd part is my parents and grandparents are still together, and regardless of all the objective exploration, I too wish to be with one woman whom I love, at least for a good long while. Nobody enters a relationship with the intent for it to end.
I recognize I may have limited experience, but one thing is for certain. The human brain works the same for both men and women. All negativity is caused by fear, all fear is caused by misunderstanding. These are unavoidable. The way certain things grew and released hormones have shifted, but the portions of the brain dealing with those are virtually identical in both sexes. Simple training and pattern recognition can rather easily trace back anyone's negative feelings with enough questions. For example, my dislike for homosexuals wasn't black and white as you said, but actually a hijacked idea that needed to be unshelved and separated. This is the same for every single human on the planet, and it has nothing to do with how much personal experience someone has, this is actually pretty simple technology. Oddly enough it annoys me so much because they often won't let me help them explore why they're so afraid ^^
And I'm glad you're with someone you can appreciate, but can you say you love him without fear? I mean... my point is, whether consciously or unconsciously, what you brought up was the contract, the obligation, not the fact that you love him as why you're together. Please understand I'm not denegrating anything about your relationship, and I know you kept emotion out of it for my benefit, it's just the best way I can think of to explain more clearly what I was getting at. Emotion isn't irrational, fear is irrational. Love is love. It can be rationalized, but one thing that is very well known in the energy communities is that the nature of love-based emotion is COMPLETELY opposite of fear-based emotion. Rationalizing love doesn't cause it to go away, it often causes it to get stronger.
Phew, this is fun, we may actually get back to Misa and Light eventually ^^
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