- I am the man with the soft serve cones! 2002-01-13 10:38:30 I'm back at school now. My nose is feeling much better, thanks for asking. And what do I discover to my dismay? Two people have made videos using Motorhead's "The Game." Firk ding blast. I still like my idea, though, and I may go through with it in spite of now having to compete with Doki Doki.
- I know Charlie Chaplin, but he's no longer with us! 2001-12-26 21:34:38 I beat Shenmue for the Dreamcast today. What a disappointing game. It starts in mid-December, and supposedly you're allowed to go until the cherry blossoms open in the beginning of spring. I finished it on New Year's Eve. Did I skip something? I mean, I'm not the kind of person who rushes through RPGs. I logged over 80 hours on Final Fantasy VIII. Shenmue just seemed... rushed. Ah, well. The best part was the job taking crates around on the forklift. Who's that coming in 50% over quota? Oh, yeah! I am the Bastard BASTARD Harbourmastah!
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Look! It's the Noid! Avoid the Noid. He ruins pizzas.
2001-12-24 14:08:22
Comedy clubs shouldn't have huge pictures of classic comedians on the walls. It makes for nice ambience, but if you're just starting out on the club circuit, and still fine-tuning your act, you want the audience to listen to you, not be thinking about how much they love Abbot & Costello and the Marx Brothers, and how much funnier they were than you could ever be.
I would also like to announce that I find the song "Walking in a Winter Wonderland" really disturbing. Seriously. It frightens me. Particularly the verse:
In the meadow we can build a snowman
And pretend that he's a circus clown
We'll have lots of fun with Mister Snowman
Until the other kiddies knock him down
Maybe it's the blithe, unconcerned expectation and anticipation of wanton destruction. Maybe it's the whole clown angle. Maybe it's just the way the lyricist rhymed "snowman" with "snowman." There's just something nightmarish about the whole thing. I can't be the only person who feels this way.
Also, try this: "Gone away / Is the bluebird / Here to stay / Is a new bird". "New bird"? What does that entail? What does that imply? What does that MEAN?
I hate Christmas. -
2001-12-17 12:01:28
It's survey time.
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Are you depressed, stressed, dealing with anxiety, dealing with racing thoughts, etc. right now? Depressed, yes. Stressed, yes. Anxious, to a certain degree. No racing thoughts right now, though.
Do you keep things inside? Of course.
If so, why do you think that is (be honest)? Because people have their own problems; they don’t need to be burdened with mine.
Do you take any medication and if so what is/are your meds? I used to be on Prozac, and when that didn’t feel like it was working anymore, I switched to Celexa, which just made me nauseated, so I’ve given up on the anti-depressants entirely. I’ll be going into surgery in a couple of weeks to fix my deviated septum, so at that point I’ll probably be on God’s own stash of antibiotics and pain-killers.
If you don't take meds do you think that you should? Probably. Maybe. Who knows? Wake me up when they invent the miracle cure.
Do you need help? I’m mostly self-sufficient, but don’t ask me to install a new hard drive all by myself.
Have you been diagnosed with anything? Clinical depression, extremely poor eyesight (nearsightedness, corrected with glasses), the flattest damn feet my podiatrist ever saw, and now the deviated septum. Plus the usual bouts of acne, ear infections, ingrown toenails and the like.
Do you constantly forget things? What was the question again? Seriously, I forget important things, like stuff people have told me to do, but trivia sticks in my brain forever. I’m a killer at Trivial Pursuit, and I swear I’m going to be on Jeopardy! one of these days.
If you could relate to any movie character who would it be? I’m going to have to go with Shrek here.
In which way can you relate to this character? He’s large and ugly, and really just wants to be left alone, but he’s got a good heart deep on the inside. He’d be nicer if anyone gave him half a chance. Plus, we’re both voiced by Mike Myers.
Do you have suicidal thoughts or have you ever had suicidal thoughts? Frequently, although less often these days. Brilliant, isn’t it? Just as I seem to be getting over things, the whole world goes straight to hell.
Are you suicidal or have you ever tried? I’ve never actually made a serious attempt, mainly because I’ve set myself such a lengthy list of preparations (notes, wills and so forth) that the whole task just appears too daunting. Plus, things keep cropping up that either need to get done, or that I’m actually looking forward to. (How can I kill myself with the Lord of the Rings movie premiering so soon?) Although I can say that if I ever did try, I’d make certain to get it right the first time.
If so when was the last time you did so? Like I said, never, but the last time it really looked like a good idea was probably sometime in October.
Kurt Cobain or Marilyn Monroe (meaning would you take your life quickly and shoot yourself as Kurt Cobaine did or would you overdose on pills as Marilyn Monroe did)? First, you spelled Kurt Cobain’s name two different ways. Second, I disagree with the interpretation of this question, as there is already a question about methods later on. It looks like a question about timing to me: Would you take yourself out at the very top of your game, like Cobain, or would you wait until you hit the point of no return, like Monroe? As for me, I like to think that if I were on the top of my game (which would require having a game to be on the top of), I’d be happier, so as depressing as it is, I’ll have to say Monroe.
Do you have a bad temper? Far from it. I’m one of the most even-tempered people I know, sometimes too even-tempered for my own good. I can’t hold grudges even against people I know deserve them. My adrenaline doesn’t rush for anything. In situations where most people would get angry, I just get sad.
Do you tend to dress in a lot of dark colors without always realizing that you do? “I am become Goth!” Without even intending to, I’ve acquired a vast number of black T-shirts in a remarkably short time. Otherwise, I tend to wear khakis and flannels. My wardrobe is generally muted.
Is life just too much? Frankly, it’s not enough.
Do you feel that you are alone? Oh, yes.
Are you alone? I’ve got friends to whom I can turn for distraction, but not much more. I’ve got people to whom I’m related, but nobody I’d call family. I just want one person to spend the rest of my life with, you know?
Do you hear voices in your head? Yes, but I know darn well they’re all just me. They even sound the same.
If so what is one of things they have told you? One of “the” things, you mean. Just the usual litany of “You’re useless, don’t even bother, give up now,” plus the regular assortment of “I’m hungry,” “I’m tired” and “Time to poop.”
Do you often realize that your characteristics are slightly different? Oh, come on. What kind of a question is that?
Do people stare at you? They most certainly do.
Do they talk about you? Let me answer that with a story. Many years ago, when I was in elementary school, I overheard some other children talking about me unflatteringly, literally behind my back. I went to a teacher and told her this, to which she responded, “If they were talking about you behind your back, how did you hear them?” That day, I learned never to trust any authority figure with my problems, and instead to take the law into my own hands and dish out my personal brand of vigilante justice.
Do you somehow think that you can sense and feel certain things? Heck, no. I’m completely energy-blind-- it comes from being dwarvish, you know. I stand more of a chance of becoming a virtuoso pianist than ever being able to work magic. I’ve got a fair sense of intuition, though, especially if someone around is up to no good.
Do you believe in the word Normal? I believe that the word “normal” exists, and I even know how to spell it. I do not, however, believe that the commonly accepted understanding of “the norm” actually corresponds to the majority of sentient beings on this planet. Only the ones in power.
Is life just a big fucked up dream to you or is life as real as it gets to you? There should be a hyphen in “fucked-up.” No, life is real all right. I just have a different definition of “real” from most people’s.
Do you do any drugs? No.
If so, did you know that XTC is known to make people even more depressed when the high is over as some side effect? I didn’t know that, but it doesn’t surprise me at all. Most things that I enjoy depress me afterwards.
Do you live the alternative lifestyle (such as gay, lesbian, queer, bisexual)? Well, I am bisexual, but it’s not as though I ever had an “alternative” in the matter. Or do you mean, do I listen to dance music, frost my hair, consume massive quantities of vodka, rack up outrageous credit card bills at Armani Exchange and scream “Fabulous!” a lot? In that case, the answer is most certainly no.
Do you have an escape? I suppose so.
What exactly is your escape my friend? You’re missing a comma, but we were talking about me. I sleep. A lot. I often force myself to stay up late into the night, just so I’ll be able to sleep through most of the following day.
Do you drink alcohol? In moderation. Honestly, I prefer brewing it, mixing it and serving to actually drinking it, though.
Do you drink the Devils poison alone? Again, only in moderation. I’ll have a glass of beer with dinner, or a mixed drink late in the evening.
Did you know that this is also a sign of depression? I know that drinking to excess alone certainly is. I don’t need any more circumstantial evidence that I’m depressive; I have quite enough already, thank you very much.
Please share your favorite quote with us whether it be from a poem, song, movie, ect.: You mean “etc.” I’m quite mercurial regarding quotes, but at the moment, my current favorite might be by the Tick, from the new live-action series: “You’re on a first-name basis with lucidity. I have to call him Mr. Lucidity! And that’s no good in a pinch!”
Are you a loner? Another quote from the same series, this time from Batmanuel: “No. Batmanuel is not alone. Batmanuel is lone. Spinsters, shut-ins, toll-booth attendants, these are alone people. Alone is an unfortunate predicament; lone is an aesthetic choice.” Me? I’m not a loner. I’m just alone.
If so, do you prefer it that way? I wish I did.
Do you lean more towards being a preppy or Goth? I wear black T-shirts and shoes, as well as a silver ankh pendant and a hematite bracelet. That sounds Goth to me. Then again, I wear khakis. Does that make me preppy? I also wear flannels over the T-shirts, untucked and unbuttoned. Am I grunge? To coin a completely useless quotation: “Tell me what I am, and I’ll tell you what I am.
If you so do you often find yourself disliking the other? I dislike anybody who gets pretentions about their group somehow being better than the others.
Hot or Cold? Cold, please.
Fire or Ice? Ice, I suppose. (Do the answers to these ever not correspond?)
Rope, Knife, Razor, Gun, or Pills? Razor.
Do you feel like you can kill sometimes? In cold blood, yes.
Have you ever fantasized about killing? Fantasized, no. I do like to work out detailed specifications, including cover-ups and escape routes, though, just so I’ll have a plan in case things ever come to that.
Do you believe that the kids from Columbine High were just fed up with the In crowd fucking with them (since they were out to murder the Preps, Jocks, and popular students)? Based on the fact that the journals left behind say exactly that, I’d say so.
Would you have went along with it? Oh, ye gods. “Gone!” Learn the conditional! But no. Nothing can ever be solved by killing at random. I would have helped them focus on a small, specific list of targets, using varying methods over a period of months or even years, and ideally getting off entirely unsuspected.
Do these questions offend you? No. Should they?
Why do they or don't they offend you? They don’t insult me. They don’t insinuate anything I don’t already know to be true. They’re not even all that deep.
Are you just a waste of space? It depends on where I am. Here at the computer, no. At somebody’s party, sulking over by the buffet table, yes.
Were you abused as a child (mentally or physically)? I was raised by well-meaningly neglectful, semi-competent parents. A more focused, disciplined upbringing would have done me a world of good.
Rebellious? I’ve tried to be rebellious, but ultimately failed. There’s nothing outlandish enough to actually shock my parents that I would have actually wanted to do.
Do you own a wallet chain? No. And my pants fit, too.
Can you relate to the song Sickness by the group Disturbed? I’ve never heard of either the song or the band. And song titles are put in quotation marks, by the way.
Do you smoke cigarettes (if so, why did you start to begin with)? I do not smoke cigarettes. I’m not averse to a good cigar once in a great while, though.
Do you smoke pot (if so what is your reason for smoking pot)? I tried it a few times, and enjoyed it to a degree, but considering the political climate, I wouldn’t trust most dealers, and I don’t have enough faith in my horticultural skills to raise it on my own. All in all, it’s not worth risking a criminal record for.
Are you a cutter? I haven’t cut myself in quite some time, because I try to avoid keeping clean, sharp blades around.
Does it keep you feeling? It’s story time again. A few years ago, I was opening a can of tuna fish, when entirely by accident, my hand slipped, and I sliced open the little finger on my right hand. I still have the scar-- a crescent-shaped thing just above the fingernail. The pain was excruciating, but I realized that I hadn’t felt any emotion that strongly in years. Sometimes I think we need pain to keep us going, whether emotional or physical.
Are you somebody? I wish I could fade away into anonymity, but I’m just no good at that.
Why did you take this survey? I was bored, and a few of my friends had already taken it. Where’s the harm? - 2001-12-16 18:54:49 Hot chocolate dosed with peppermint schnapps is quite tasty, and is hereby recommended to all.
JOURNAL: Studio Hooghly (Nathan Rosen)
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