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Four hundred ninety first entry - Permanence
2012-04-25 01:06:51
Time - 11:28, Noise - silence
This entry isn't related to AMVs, but I suppose they could be used as examples of the point. No, this entry is about permanence - the idea of record keeping, or holding on to something. It's kind of an abstract idea, and I'm not very good at explaining things, so bear with me, and don't be shy about just clicking "Back" if you're not enjoying the entry.
I realized that the digital age is both a curse and a blessing in regards to permanence, because while I can easily write something down, the array of people who will see it is low. Despite this, because of the manual effort taken to write it, I'm more hesitant about throwing it away. It's my only copy - my only proof - of a particular thought at a particular moment of time, and if I get rid of it, I lose it forever.
On the other hand, I find that I am more likely to delete things that I post online - not after they've been posted, but as I'm typing them up. Sometimes, it's a simple matter of changing the way I worded something, but more often, I'll have a few paragraphs of what I think is a clever idea or response, and yet when I complete it, I'll just exit out of the window, not bothering to hit "send" or "post."
Earlier today, I was thinking that it had something to do with what others would think of me, but I'm not sure that's it. I do think from time to time that I post meaningless bullshit that nobody really wanted to hear about, but then I realize how often I skip over posts, information, articles, etc. that I didn't care about, and really, isn't that what everyone does? If you're interested in it, you read it. If you're not, you don't. So, how others judge me can't really be the reason why I axe my own thoughts before they are seen.
Then, I thought of permanence. It's so easy to just delete something. You can pretend it never happened, and it'll never have an impact. Except, with the advent of the internet, that's not really true. Once you put a thought out there, it stays out there. It has become a part of some bigger consciousness that none of us control - and maybe that's the issue: control. Does something have more value because you control its distribution? If you have a monopoly on the idea, the thought, and you have the only permanent proof that it exists, does that make it more special somehow?
As for how this can be linked back to AMVs, think about a massive hard drive failure. The arrangement and collection of things that are uniquely mine has been lost. I imagine it's like having part of your home flood or burn. Anything in the path of the disaster has been changed permanently - and there's that word again. In both of these cases, you didn't have control. You couldn't prevent the crash, the fire, the flood, and now that little bit of history has been erased forever, and it can never be recreated quite exactly the same way.
Maybe that's also why I sometimes eliminate an entire thought before it can be posted. Being mindful of the fact that the internet is a raging wildfire of lightspeed communication, I want to control the history that I leave behind. I'm editing out the boring and bad bits, emphasizing my wit and intelligence, and trying to direct it at the audience who I believe will receive it the best. That's what a good author is supposed to do, right? And the best stories are the classics that live on forever... in permanence, of course.
I don't know how much sense any of that made, or if anybody actually walked the path alongside me to the end of this entry. It's been a long time since I've been able to carry on about something that interested me instead of something that troubled me, and as many of you know, I've had quite a bit to be troubled about these days. We'll gloss over that for this entry, though. This was fun, if convoluted.
G'night, folks. <3
- Jen -
Four hundred ninetieth entry - The Quickening
2012-04-21 21:45:33
Time - 8:42, Noise - Red - "Ordinary World"
Heh, no videogame footage allowed. Guess that means I'm out. XD
G'night, folks.
- Jen -
Four hundred eighty ninth entry - hey, this entry is actually about videos... sort of
2012-03-28 14:04:59
Time - 12:47, Noise - whirring drive as it rips a DVD
Pfft. 105 downloads in my pending stars. I guess I kind of let them stockpile, huh.
Also, didn't get any responses to my last journal, which I expected, but it also tells me that I probably wouldn't get too much interest if I tried to start the MEP again. Oh well, no more projects for Ulty.
This whole "having a job" thing is really biting into my hobbies. It's not that I don't have enough time for them. It's more like I don't feel like doing anything after a shift. I typically just end up sitting and listening to music all day. I did finally get off my rump (well, technically, I just moved it elsewhere) and started playing a game, which I'm recording for possible video editing purposes. It's a JRPG, so I'm already on my sixteenth DVD ripping session (and that's with cutting out extraneous leveling and whatnot).
The trouble is that when I record, if I don't keep it all in one recording session, DVD Decrypter doesn't recognize any of the .vobs past the first one. So I can't just start and stop before and after cutscenes, since the program only "sees" the first .vob. This leads to having a bunch of footage I don't want, but as there are relatively few scenes in the game (surprising for an RPG), it won't be too much effort to sift through it. At this point, I'm not even sure that the footage is going to be much good for a video, though. All the scenes are very static.
Anyway, at least that's one hobby I'm getting back. Now if I can just motivate myself to do the others.
Well, my DVD finished ripping, so I guess it's time to take it up for another session of recording.
See you, folks.
- Jen -
Four hundred eighty eighth entry - forgive my absence
2012-02-07 21:28:17
Time - 7:57, Noise - FictionJunction album
Kind of considering restarting the FMV 2 MEP from scratch. I know how I would do the ending credits, and I kind of know what I want for the intro. Music has some options, but is still up in the air.
My main obstacles number a few. One, an iffy internet connection. I could lose it at any time, and always without warning, and then I disappear off the face of the planet for weeks. Two, the ending credits will require technical and artistic skills that I do not have. Three, I haven't edited in who knows how long. I love AMVs, but damn it, I really sort of hate making them. I have absolutely no motivation for the hobby.
So yeah. That's that. I need to think on it. If I restart it, I have to be able to guarantee that I won't flake out. At this point, I'm leaning towards "no" - but the idea is still in my mind, for anyone who may have wondered.
See you, folks.
- Jen -
Four hundred eighty seventh entry - Signing Off
2011-12-31 17:16:52
Time - 4:11, Noise - the television
Dear 2011,
Goodbye and good riddance. You were a terrible year full of financial burden, lost friends, and general misery. I'll be much better off without you, and so it's time to part ways and move on. On your way out, please warn 2012 that it had better not fuck with me. This time, I'll fight back.
See you next year, folks.
- Jen
JOURNAL: dj_ultima_the_great (Jen )
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