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And maybe I could use some help/But if you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself
2002-09-26 00:04:11
Yep, it's from a Limp Bizkit song, one of which I actually like. Before I start talking about anything semi-important I'm just gonna blip off the radar for a minute and say: I think I would've liked Limp Bizkit more if it hadn't of been for Fred Durst. I mean, face facts, most of the other members in the band were talented (namely Wes Borland) and they did show they could rock pretty hard.
I firmly believed Limp Bizkit was ruined by Fred Durst (yea, yea, I know Limp Bizkit is still around. But with Wes gone, it'll never be the same...and certainly not 'good')
And one more thing before I finish on Limp Bizkit: Fred Durst has just about the most annoying voice...ever.
Ok, moving on...
I was going through my newly established AMV collection trying to find YCSTR's 'Eva-man' trailer because I'm eventually gonna review it. And since it's one of the first videos I'd viewed in a long string, I decided to look it up so I'd know where it was (I did find it, along with AD's 'Shameless Rock Video', which I'm also gonna get around to reviewing).
But in the process of looking for the video, I ran across the CD I'd burned all my old videos on to (with the exception of my very first video, which was Linkin Park to Final Fantasy. I really can't remember it well enough to remember if it sucked or not). But needless to say, I stopped for a while and watched them all.
One thing really stuck out in my mind when I watched them all: My earlier videos were very honest. No, I didn't have all the knowledge about editing then that I do now, and there are problems with the videos. But nonetheless, they were so honest, which is something I think I've lost a little of.
At some point I started to think about what other people would like, or what they'd see when they look at my video. It's not the type of thought that really changed what I did outright, but I'd start to think about it, and worry, and change things later because I was thinking about the viewing public. Let's just say it didn't promote good things on my last video. In fact, my last video sucked, and contrary to what I said before, I'm never releasing it to the general public. It just sucks that bad overall in my view.
But back on topic...
I made a commitment to myself today to make AMVs for the reason that I originally started making them for: Because I wanted to. I make AMVs because I enjoy it, because I want to, and because I want to create the ideas I envision. Nothing more, nothing less. And the viewing public is second to all that; I'll even go a step further and say that they don't even have a place in my AMVs at all. If and when I do put my videos online (or send them to a con, eventually) then I'll think about the feedback I'm going to get from people, whether it be negative or positive. I sincerely hope that people will like them, but I want them to like what I came up with, not what I was driven to change by what I thought they'd like.
So from now, thus I commit myself: When I'm creating, there's nothing but me, my ideas, the anime, the music, and a timeline waiting to bring my ideas to life.
And that's all there is to it.
Later folks. -
Today I finally overcame/Trying to put the world inside a picture frame
2002-09-23 23:11:56
I'm not sure if I've used that title before or not, but who cares, it's my journal and I happen to like that song :P
I'm glad to see the org is back up again, my weekend seemed woefully empty without being able to come here. On the whole though, my weekend went pretty well. Saturday went by so fast I can't even count it as a day -_-;; But on the whole, everything went well, nothing specific to speak of about it.
On the AMV front, I'm starting to develop a bit of a collection of AMVs now. I just recently found the disc that I had burned my first videos on too. I was quite happy, and in fact sat down to watch one of them while I was in the process of burning the rest of the AMVs I'd gathered on CD-R. I'm gonna put those vids back up soon (i know I said this like a month ago, but I mean it this time! ^_^) at the request of a fan. Hard to believe I have a fan, but hey, weirder stuff has happened.
I also realized something/came to a decision when watching my old video, but I'll save writing about that for when I feel like ranting. I was in the mood to earlier today, but now I just wanna check the forums.
On a side note, Kingdom Hearts rocks. It has kind sorta almost in a way restored my faith in Disney (which was almost nonexistent to begin with). It may not seem like a lot, but it's a step.
Night all. -
Yatta!
2002-09-19 00:45:33
Yep, my journal title has absolutely nothing to do with anything I'm writing. Oh well, it happens.
Today was pretty uneventful. I went to my health&wellness class and my intermediate Algebra class, stopped by the mall to pick up Kingdom Hearts (to sum the game up in one word: Awesome), went home, and proceeded with working on my Photoshop project for my Computer Graphic Design class. Yesterday I thought I'd only need about an hour to finish it up (we had to create a project that looked like it was done in watercolors using only lasso tools. Not really hard or anything, but intriguing). Unfortunately I'd made the mistake of copying my background layer for the first of three layers we had to paint on, so when I created a new layer to paint on I found that I wouldn't be able to arrange the layers as per the project guidelines. So I had to start all over again with painting x_x;;
It was ok though, I had caught the hang of using the lasso tools rather quickly, so to redo the layer I'd already painted, and finish with the rest of the project only took about 3 hours.
Ha, as a side note I must comment on how, after making AMVs, anything that takes under 10 hours to do is 'quick'. Funny how that works, but back on subject...
So after finishing my project and burning it to CD for my teacher I ripped a song I'm putting up on my ftp tomorrow for Anneke. I hope she likes the song enough to use for her AMV. The song I suggested to her is one I've been thinking would be a good song that she could use for one of her yaoi vids. The funny thing is the anime she asked for a song suggestion to is more yuri than yaoi (according to her anyway, I can't say because I've never seen the anime in question). But oh well, I hope she uses it anyway.
I also started filling out my application for Spring addmittance to Rutgers. They encourage people to do their applications online and I can see why; their online application is *tight*, not a bunch of broken links and stuff like other colleges. It's actually easier to do online that in it to get an application and fill it out by hand. They have you select a pin number and put in your SS# so you can resume filling out your application where you left off, rather than having you try and do it all in one shot. Very nice all around. I finished up to about the 'colleges you've attended' section. I need to get all the dates and such for when I started at Lincoln and at Camden County. Joy, joy, joy.
Well, I'm about to call it a night. Tomorrow's gonna be interesting on the AMV front. I'm downloading a round of videos to review by request of a couple of the guys in the chat. So I need some rest :P
Later everyone. -
Taa-daa...
2002-09-16 12:06:28
I'm back!
...not that anybody cares.
But anyway, I've been offline for a couple of days because I've been attempting to straighten out some problems with my computer. Lately I've been getting a bunch of 'Explorer has caused an error in <insert .dll or 'unknown' here>' problems, and other annoying Windowy problems. So yesterday I tried to install any files that Windows might be missing that could be causing the problems I was having. So I installed the missing files...and ended up with more errors than I had when I started (namely, as soon as Windows would load I would get a 'Explorer has caused an error in...' message. And no matter how many times I closed it, it would come back 20 seconds later.) So I reformatted my computer (read: deleted everything. But not before making a backup of all my important files and such beforehand, of course ^_^ ) and reinstalled Windows. Everything went off good, and now I'm reinstalling my neccesary programs (Premiere, Photoshop, AOL, AIM, MSN messenger, etc.) My quick launch toolbar is back too, which is nice (before I'd get an error when it would try to load. Another 'Error in yadayada' problem). So my computer woes are at an end, at least for the moment.
On the AMV front: I slowed down on the production of my newest project. I keep finding that I rush my projects in order to meet a deadline for a contest or something comparable that I want to enter (incidentally, to date, I've never entered a contest). I've finally gotten it through my head that there will always be other contests, and that my chances for actually getting into a contest are much better if I take time to make my video great. I think that rushing may have been the downfall of my last video (which I will put up on Thursday); I was in such a rush to try and get it done that it just crapped out at the end. The rest of the video is actually pretty solid, but the ending makes me want to brand myself with hot pokers becuase it's *so* weak.
Sadly, the two projects that I'm really inspired to do right now are the two that I can't do, because of lack of resources. I've got the music, I've got the DVDs, but I just don't have enough space for a whole series on my piddly 9gig harddrive. (Note to self: Must...ask...for...HD...for...Christmas)
But anywho, I'll start work on my project again after I'll reinstalled Premiere and finished up my Photoshop Project for my Computer Graphic Design class (I haven't even started it yet, and it's due this thursday -_-;;)
In other news: Sunday was a pretty good day, aside from my computer problems. The 'check engine' light that had come on for no reason on Saturday turned off early in the day Sunday (The power was low in the car for about 5 minutes, but the light just stayed on long after the problem had been corrected) I'm beginning to think that the engine light is buggy. God that would suck, because I'd be all annoyed and taking the car to the shop only to have them find nothing wrong with the car (well, nothing wrong related to the light). Well, at least I know there's nothing wrong with the car, becuase it was just in the shop a week ago and they fixed whatever they found wrong (worn down brake rotors).
Sunday night we (me and the people in my youth group) basically just hung out at Aileen's house, since (at least for the time being) youth group is only every other week now. It was fun, really random fun. There was only one other guy there besides me (George, he's 14, but he's a really cool kid) versus 6-7 girls. We were so outnumbered, but it was cool, we handled em' :P At this point I'm actually looking more forward to hanging at Aileen's house on the off week of youth group, only because one of the youth group leaders (who's been given the title of 'The Youth Group Nazi' by me) is trying to institute a whole load of silly rules, one of which is 'Girls on one side, boys on the other'. Now, for a youth group that's notorious for people never keeping their hands to themselves this rule will never fly. But never fear, the other two youth group leaders (who are two very cool people, and still keep their religious values) will take take care of his umm, let's say outrageous, demands.
But I'm out of time now. (Gotta run to class)
Roz-Congrats on your first successful gig. Something always goes wrong at a gig, and what you had go wrong wasn't all that bad. It can always be worse, remember that ^_^
To everyone else:
Later. -
"Can I ask you a question?" "Sure." "How come you're always smiling?"
2002-09-11 23:53:50
My little cousin asked me that today. I really didn't have an answer for it, because I'd never really realized it. I believe I thought I smiled a lot, but that it was just one of those things you think you do. Kind of like leaving your keys somewhere, but finding out you didn't and they're right in your pocket.
Well, that's the way I saw it anyway.
Not like it's the first time I've been proved wrong.
But after thinking about it most of the night I find that I still don't have an answer as to why I smile so much. I think it's because, somewhere along the line that is my life, I realized that there's so much to smile about. I think the character Drizzt Do'Urden put it best when he said, 'There is too much beauty. There is too much fun.' when talking about living and why waiting isn't possible for someone who chooses to *really* live. I guess that's the way I see it, only slightly more broad in terms of why.
Today is a case in point. It's September 11th, it's supposed to be a somewhat somber memorial of the events that happened one year ago. And I truly have spent most of the day smiling. Not the kind of smile like you're hysterically happy (with teeth bared and all that), but the small kind of smile that you have when you know something other people just can't comprehend or don't understand yet, because they haven't seen things the way you have. The kind of smile where you're truly happy.
That's the way it is for me, I guess. That's certainly not to say that everything is perfect in my life and going great. In fact that kind of storybook happiness is almost opposite of what I see as true happiness. True happiness is simply living life, for all it's ups and downs, and keeping on living despite those down times.
You have to understand sorrow in order to know what happiness is. Therefore sorrow and happiness aren't two independent things, one being a wholly bad thing and the other being good. It's like life and death or good and evil: you can't have one without the other. Sorrow and happiness are the things that let us know we're alive, not just happiness or sorrow alone.
I smile because I've known good times, and I smile all the same because I've known (and still know) bad times. I smile because, in spite of all the things that are wrong with the world, there is still so much beauty in the world. Nothing can change that for me, because no matter how bad things get I know that there's a brighter day sometime, somewhere, waiting for me down the road. It's my fate, it's life, it's the way things are. The flip-side to that coin is that no matter how good things get that there will indeed be a darker day coming as well. But that dark day to me is simply a reminder that I have had, and will again have, brighter days.
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Now after reading all that, keep in mind that I am a realist, not an optimist. The funny thing is that I think that optimists don't 'get' the whole picture either. In my opinion, you have to be able to see the whole picture in order to get it, not just the bottom or the top half.
But moving right along past my philosophies...
I skipped my classes today. It was simply too beautiful outside not to. I decided I was going to skip when I was actually nearly to the college. So I drove around the neighborhood a little while I was in Camden (I was trying to find a photo place my grandmother told me about where I could get passport pictures taken). I never found the place, but it didn't matter. I drove back home, but instead of taking my regular (usually congested) route home I took route 38, which by comparison (at 12:30) was pretty much wide open highway. So I drove down the highway with my windows down and went to the Moorestown Mall, which was about 15 minutes from Camden.
I went in the Mall (despite my brain telling me not to because I had no money) and went to the arcade and spent three bucks on DDR (3rd Mix). The first time I danced to 'Only Takes a Minute', then 'Captain Jack', and theeeeen I danced to 'Butterfly'. It may only be rank four out of 5 (which is marvelous or something like that on 3rd mix) but it beat me good. I start ok, but somewhere along the line I lose concentration or something. I played a second time after getting trounced, and this time jumped directly to 'Butterfly' for my first song...and got beat again. I did better, loads better actually. I nearly made it to the end of the song, which made my failure in the last 30 seconds or so all the more painful.
So the third time I figured I'd go out with a bang and try 'Afronova: Revenge'...god I was pathetic. I was perfect for about 5 steps, and the fact that I made it past the first salvo of crazy steps was a complete friggin miracle. It was apparent I was only going to be award one miracle for the day though, as I failed on the second salvo of steps. But oh well, I worked up a sweat and I had fun, (I was like the only person in the arcade) and that's the only thing that really matters.
On the AMV front: I've started my project in earnest, having completed ripping my song in WAV format and making my AVS file. I also started going through the song and putting down markers on the timeline for important beats, cues, mood changes, new instruments/voices, etc. that I want to use. I basically completed doing that up to the first chorus. But instead of just going through the whole song and setting down markers I'm going to start putting down footage with what I have now and continue putting markers as I get closer to points where I don't have any. Tomorrow I should be able to get a good bit of work done on it. And Friday too, since I have no classes that day.
Tomorrow I'm taking in my laptopto my Computer Graphic Design class. I had asked the teacher about it last week because there's more students in the class than there are computers. She said it was alright, and honestly the aforementioned fact about the student-computer ratio was the only thing I was thinking about when I asked her. Of course my devious mind came up with an alternate use/reason to bring in my laptop: to use the school's blistering fast connection (I think it's a T1) to get some AMVs I've been looking for. AD's Shameless Rock Video is first on that list, since I've heard that's it's really good (I'd tried to download it before using the school's computers, but they didn't have the DivX codec installed, and because of restriction placed on them, I couldn't put it on the computer. So all I got was sound, but the song sounds good *and* sufficiently crazy). It's also directly downloadable, which doesn't hurt. After that I'll work on getting some other classic videos like 'Soul of An Angel' 'Tainted Donuts'(which I'd gotten about half of, but had to delete at the time because of space issues) and others, including those from some creators I talk to regularly that I've been meaning to see.
And when I get home from class I'll prompty burn those AMVs to CD for storage, and repeat the process at next weeks Comp Graphics class. This'll probably go on for the rest of the semester, or until I run out of CDs to burn AMVs to. That, for those that don't know me so well, means it'll go the rest of the semester ^_^
Well that about wraps it up for tonight, I've typed far too much as it is.
On a final side note: I saw what might have been the fastest squirrel on the planet today. I swear it was going about 40 miles an hours across the road. It ran past a car that was about 5 inches from hitting it when the squirrel *first* ran onto the road...the squirrel was about halfway across the 30 foot or so road before the car had completely gone by my field of vision of the squirrel. That squirrel was not huma...*ahem* animal. :P
Later everyone.
JOURNAL: FirestormXIII (Robert X. Hill-Williams)
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