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yay
2004-03-12 23:12:24
yay! great day! dreat day indeed! ..its up to you guys to figure out why ^_^ (what do you think would make me happy? after youve read my past journals) ^_^ anyways.. . i feel really awkward that i dont have anything to say to her and i always fall speechless when im in a conversation with her... she must not like me that way... part of it im doing on purpose because like i said before, i dont want to start anything online. ^_^" ..lol.. i sure want to meet her someday.
oh.. and she showed me a picture of her cosplaying as lolita ^_^ i love it!..
hehe.. i guess thats about it.. theres nothing more to say for say i dont need... -
passing time
2004-03-11 15:21:41
aaahh.. im so tired.. i dont even know if i would be able to type things right.. anbyways.. its the last day of school before spring break. wait, i still got to go to school tomorrow afternon. arhg. but anyways, i donf have anuything to do next week. hang around at home maybe. do cumpter stuff.. im not sure if would be working on any AMVs for a while since i ran out of inspiration. inspiration, which is the key thing i need to do stuff im rahter good at doing. it might take a month or more for my next amv. -_- ...i also lack material sources. i dont have any videos i can use. but i have a lot of music in my harddrive that is waiting for me to use em. i really wan to use em!
im still pretty sad of whats happening right now.. i shouldnt be, but i am. i dunno why instead of getting jelous, im getting deppresed and angry at myself.. oh well.. i try n' think happy thoughts.. thats what i always try to do. -_-" -
im holing on
2004-03-08 16:04:40
aaah.. things just are arnt getting any better. well .. first of all.. i cannot sleep at night anymore! it takes me about 2 hours to wait laying down till i fall asleep....
everyday i think of you. everytime i search for you. seems hopeless but i dont know. i dont know if one day it will come true. for what would the world become when all never changes. what would happen to me when i would be like this always. but sure it couldnt be. i'll see you. i'll come for you. to ask for your heart. see how you smile. dance with you in the rain. and warm me through the night. i'll keep searching. i'll keep waiting. i'll be patient. i'll be here. even if you belong to someone else. even if you never know of how i feel. i sure know how i feel. and i believe in it so much. so PLEASE wait fot me. wait for it is hard. hard for me to fly. i cant show it yet. no i cant. but i'll be holding on. holding on silently. -
bittersweet symphony
2004-03-05 23:43:08
damn! when i saw the new picture with a guy up in her profile! i didnt expect to see something like it. i never thought i would see something like it. it made me stop. made me think. made me tear.
i said "hey, whats up?"
she says "whats up?"
"nm, how are ya?"
"im fine.. how are you?"
"thats good, im good"
then i ran away the second i said that. for i cannot bear to talk to her anymore when i know that it isnt me that shes thinking of. no shes not thinking anything not important to her, shes mind drifted away somewhere while she talks to me. i cant take it and so i left. i didnt care if i did wrong. i cant stop thinking about the picture. i know if she read this she would be surprised for she doesnt know what i feel for her. i told her i love her through my videos but im sure she never thought of it that way. who would care about a my stupid videos anyways, i thought. spent so much time making them and so much of my heart pumped into it. it was easy to make for she inspired me to do it, somehow. now its becoming hard. my heart aches and its all my fault... ive been so ignorant. i stopped my heart from showing my love to her for 7 months. and now im still working on it. you ask why? because she is far away from me right now. and i hate myself for falling inlove with her. i tried not to.. but i did. - in the brink of love 2004-03-03 19:54:56 there you are, smiling your sweet lips as if there wasnt any danger. it calls me to you, it calls me everytime. although you dont know it, my heart can hardly resist. no. i wont talk to you. i wont touch. i wont hold your hands as i long to do. no, i cant do that. your heart belongs to somone else and i dont want to be in its way. my heart doesnt know how to steal, it only knows how to give. so as every daylight passes, every time i see you is a torture to me. a torture to my veins as it is pumped with blood of every muscle of my heart. and it goes stronger and stronger as you pass my way. you dont notice it. you dont notice me. but its ok, for i noticed you. and i would never pass a day without seing you. seing your smile. watching you walk as if you were an angel sent by God to steal my soul. and i love it. that would be the time when i ask myself what the heck am i doing. you dont know me. no you dont. of course you dont. i wouldnt want you to know me but i wish you do. for theres so nothing in this world to me that is worth more than the universe, but you. i love you. and before the world ends i will run. i will run and find you wherever you may be. and then, before i die , i wouldnt wish for anything else but your name.
JOURNAL: LoST RaiNDRoP (Ben Morillo)
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