JOURNAL: Flea

  • 2004-02-01 00:32:25 I cant put how I feel every night into words. I don?t dress anymore, for one. It makes me feel horrible that I cant wear the clothes that normal girls get to wear. And even if I was the girl I know I am supposed to be, I see myself a really really ugly.

    I can't be the person I want to be. What do I do? Do I just give up? I gave up once, I stopped caring about everything. I stopped going to school. And on the rare occasion that I did go to school, I would just sit there, doing nothing. Thinking about nothing. The other kids thought I was crazy. The school psychologist wanted to put me on medication for depression.

    I did just want to give up once. Really give up. but I am a wimp, so I didn't do it. I thought that maybe if I worked on it, things would get better. So I wrote my mom a letter, and haven?t talked about it since.

    I want to see someone about it, but what do I say? "I'm a girl trapped in a boys body"? yeah, that will go over well. And lets say I did get the medication I need. I cant just start transitioning just like that. If... no... When I do this, I am going all the way. But the problem is, I look nothing like a girl.

    So what do I do? Do I tell my mom I want to see someone about it. So ignore it like I have been? Or do I Just give up?  
  • My Real Journal 2004-01-26 06:52:32 Please Visit my REAL Journal here:

    http://www.deadjournal.com/users/fleathemagician

    Thanks!
     
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