JOURNAL: Arandia

  • umm...the sweet woes of life 2004-07-30 19:22:04 Kon'nichiwa
    I'm heading out to florida tomorrow and I get to drive! Chelsea had another fit today, becasue she couldn't stay out 13 hours. Crazy ass. Um, School starts soon and i'm really looking forward to it. I'm going for straight a's this year! So, thats about it...just updating, byes!
    ~Arandia 
  • Hmm...Only one man ever knew me, and he didn't even know me...unfortunantly he was also in another lifetime. 2004-05-08 20:17:30 Kon' ban' wa,
    Have you ever felt that life was pointless? Well that's not how I feel. I love painting. I will continue practicing and I will get better. I love to write. I will continue and finally publish my Novel. But love...hmm...ah love, That knife thrust as sweet as candy.
    I have made mayself to who I thought I wanted to be. Popular, pretty, smart, opinionated, kind, caring, thoughtful, ect. But, though I have had several 'boyfriends', I never really liked any of them. Kyle, my last, was nice, and I like him...but more as a friend. I have a guy who really has the 'hots' for me now, but he just isn't who I'm looking for...I don't know exactly what it is I am looing for, but I don't think its him.
    Another thing that bothers me is that I wonder how many times I can dump my boyfriends before all guys just assume I'm Impossible to reach and I never meet my one?
    Normally I don't think about this stuff, but I have been getting more and more into a romantic mood lately. Truthfully, I wouldn't mind moving to a new school, out of where i am living, maybe a few states over or so. Just so I could try and make a new start. I have alot going for me where I am, but seeing the same faces day after day and knowing that none of them really know who I am...It kinda hurts.
    I know it isn't their fault. I'm the one who hasn't let anyone in. If you ask my friends they'd probably tell you they knew all about me, but could they actually tell you how i react to different things. How I spend my weekends. The true meaning behind any of my actions, words, or paintings. Do any of them know my true dreams. Could they ever guess?
    That quote, "Only one man ever knew me, and he didn't even know me" that is true. In another lifetime I had a love who I tricked into thinking he knew all about me, but until I find the guy that gives me the same feeling as when I read about Rei and Kira (mars) or Vidanric and Meliara (Crown duel) THen I am tempted to never date again. I already know I'm not getting married. I think I'll end up growing into a beautiful (sry not being haughty) educated and fun woman who does alot and always follows her dreams. And though I may have many suitors, I feel, in the depths of my soul, that I won't find my love. The one for me. The one who will kiss me and hold me and worry about me when i look sad. Who will face the worst storm to be next to me. Who will be content to simply lay next to me, who will look to me for comfort and who will ask nothing more than for me to be by his side. That would be enough. But...for now...knowing I can give that to my characters or support my friends who have it, will have to be enough.

    ~Arandia~

    P.S. sry about the bad grammer and spelling errors. 
  • Lif on Earth, people say, is better than life in Hell. But what if my Earth is Hell? 2004-04-25 01:56:42 So,
    I just joined. Whoopdi doo! Because i have this, and my best friend is bipolar, so I can't put any depressions on her, I'll put it in here. Ha. Well, to start, I'm fifteen, I'm a Writer(as in, and Author) and right now i'm sick.
    My sister, Chelsea, has been yelling, screaming, throwing things, cursing my parents out, and threatening to kill herself, all for one stupid show(she's a local musician who thinks she is, or should be a professional. Truthfully, she isn't like a phenomonon or anything, she is just like every other teenager who wants to be a music star, because they can't do anything else). I have gotten no sleep and doubt I will. Meaning to go away with my friends this weekend, Patricia(mother) left the house(because of Chelsea) withought taking me along. So I got stuck home. With a sixteen year old baby, screaming and yelling, and me having to clean and re-clean the house, feed all our animals, prepare my fathers lunch, cook, and restrain her until my mother came home around midnight. At which time my sister attacked her and we had another go about. So, after, again, cleaning and re-cleaning the house after my sister today, I sit with a now fully developed cold telling my pitiful woes to my lonely computer. Patricia has forbade me to talk to my friends about it, and when I tried talking to a councler, she turned everything back on me! For some reason(and most likely because of Chelsea's acting ability) the counciler felt Chelsea was the sweetest angel on earth. Ah, and to this i get to my resolution. You know not the extent of the woes Chelsea had cause. Her 'behavior problem' has been going on all year. Almost every week. So my resolution is this: I have but one sister now, where once I had to. My sister's name is Aubrey, she is married to my brother in law Will, who is the father of my Nephew, Harper. That is my family(excluding mother and father and the such) So life will go on, as it usually does. And I will get hit, yelled at, hurt, threatened and accused, as I usually am by the girl names Chelsea. To whom I was once related.

    ~Arandia~ 
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