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2004-06-02 04:37:39
I've never cried so much in my life. My ER bill is $1227. For a few x-rays (which they fucked up) and a splint. This means at least another semester of work and no school for CJ. Oh god... more tomorrow, maybe.
Think happy thoughts. - Grin and bear it 2004-06-02 02:15:38 So, anger/depression never did anyone any good, unless used as an outlet (which I don't really have at the moment). So let's see how long I can ignore my problems until I'm better suited to deal with them. After a night of keeping busy and listening to music/singing, I think I can do that.
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Running out of energy
2004-06-01 01:43:16
Ugh. Maybe all my fears and self-doubt were right.
My oldest bro has been wanting to go to Japan and he's made all his plans, got his ticket and everything. This is through a study abroad program. And he's gotten almost enough scholarships and loans to pay for the whole thing without digging into his own pockets at all, but he needs $4000 more. So. My aunt and uncle take it upon themselves to buy him a new laptop (a really good one), pay for his plane ticket there and back, and cover whatever scholarships won't. Now, at this point, I should be really fucking happy. However, maybe dropping out of college because I can't get scholarships partly due to my mental obstacle (ADD) despite my hard work in the last three years of high school (3.9 GPA isn't good enough anymore), a shitty computer that I've spent over $500 on (repairs, not the initial cost) and still craps out, a really crappy high school life, no social life, and always being runner up to him have made me a little fucking bitter. What better way to say, "Well CJ, you tried. But Hell isn't bad enough for you."
Fuck everybody. Yeah I'm being selfish. It's about fucking time.
On top of that, I feel like shit emotionally. And when that happens, people turn their back on me. "Oh he's feeling like shit, let's ignore him and shove him into a corner somewhere. We'll like him again when he's better."
I hate everyone.
No more optomism here. -
Whee?
2004-05-30 19:15:29
Possibly the biggest storm I've ever witnessed is heading toward us.
This should be fun. -
Aw, shit
2004-05-29 07:14:28
So I haven't slept yet. Whee, go brain. Screw yourself over. If my brain were a person, it would have slit its wrists already. While listening to some emo or doom metal.
Luckily I'm not my brain. My brain's stupid like that. Though I am severely lacking frindly human contact. And I'm so sick of my current situation. Grr... I'm so pissed at myself. And I'm tired and unstable.
However.
I'm supposed to be up IN TWO HOURS! To help my aunt with some gardening.
>_<
Why did I stay up? ;_;
JOURNAL: Flint the Dwarf
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