JOURNAL: SomaOverdose (Cavan Logan)

  • hey, it's me 2002-07-10 17:04:17 Wednesday July 10, 2002

    Dear lord, some one should kick my ass into gear, though I was pretty down about my video almost being flushed down the drain, but I am working on putting the finishing touches on the video to make it that much special. But God-Damint it's hot hear, I have a big ass fan blowing air on my cpu on top of my heatsink, it's madness, if I don't do so I crash almost every second operation. So as you can see process is slow, too slow, I would have loved to have had this video done and out there by the end of june, I also wanted to lose my virginity by the time I turned 18 but as Mick Jagar said, "you can't always get what you want, but you can try, sometimes you get what you need" in a sense I think in this situation it is the truth, during the time I wasn't working on the video I thought of things I would have done to the video if it hadn't been corrupted. Also I must thank everyone who responded to my forum posting, it saved this project. Thank you. Time to get back to work.

    Cavan Logan aka Soma Overdose aka The Devil In Drag aka The Neon Cherub aka The Foo Frog aka no one at all
     
  • video log 2002-06-20 22:53:26
    Thursday, May 30,2002

    I am at the phase in the video where everything has to come together, I have to trust in myself and my abilities to achieve the best possible outcome, this is the phase of the project where I doubt everything and lose track of the initial vision and wonder what the hell I thought I would accomplish by undertaking this project. It was not as if someone said, "you, you must create this, and it must be perfect." I guess I just question my skills as an editor, but that is what I really love about film, "trimming the fat", getting the project down to the bare meat and exposing what it truly is, what it could be to more people than jus me.
    I have no clue if what I am writing is the actual truth behind the progress or if it's the Cowboy Bebop music in the background talking.
    I just wish that I could do something that people looked at and said, "wow, that's amazing" and have them question their own abilities and come to the realization that this is something that they can't do, or that would never have thought of doing, even as much as they enjoyed it's beauty they also acknowledge that this isn't just some simple toiling in a basement, this is art, and expression from the heart that can't be expressed any other way, or another way that I see suiting, which is why I can understand Ermac's statement, "Don't make a video because you can, make it because you have something to express." I want this to be something special, not just a mediocre piece of trash that took three hours to do. Also I would actually like to use this in a portfolio as to gaining acceptance into a video editing program. If I am to become a director in the movie business I have to know what to keep and not to fight for the wrong material, to know what's raw and pure and what's throw-away, because basically my opinion, when it comes to stuff like that, is somewhat respected and I would love to expand that respect beyond a group a group of friends or the people I shared a video editing class with.
    I guess when I get down to the bone with my problems with this phase of the project it's basically because I fear failure, I mean, if I put 20 to 30 hours of work into something and it turns out being a total failure I don't really know how to deal with the feeling I get knowing that the project was a failure. People say, nothing is a failure because you can learn from what you did, in a matter of speaking I guess that would be true, but when I put my heart and soul into something and it still fails I really don't know how to reflect and learn from my best efforts. How can one do better than their best? How can one not feel disappointed after failing something they really believed in? My answer to those questions is I guess you can't. Though some might fight feel that if you did your best than it wasn't a failure at all. My reply to that is well, I don't share your optimism.
    As for this video, I plan to put everything I've got into this. More from me a little later.

    Saturday, June 1, 2002

    Things got off to a rocky start, but all I needed was a few days to reacquaint myself with premiere, and since this is my first dance with premiere 6.0 I needed help from a friend with experience. I also found that as I progressed through the chopping and cropping I developed new ideas for the video that will make it look a little more technical that copying and pasting clips to the music. At this moment I'm not in nearly a bad mood as last my entry, so I shall sign off now and let my injured wrist heal so I can get back to work.

    Wednesday, June 5, 2002

    I have completed most of the cropping for my video, it seemed to go much smoother after the first few goes at it, it seemed, that if I wanted to, I could have finished all the cropping in one day. Oh well, I'm lazy, and I like to take my time with these sort of things, where as other will rush the entire thing, I like to sit back, examine the footage I have selected and think about what it is I want it to say in the video. In the end I hope that I will be able to keep the project to what I initially imagined it to be. Though, as I move through the production of this project I feel a sense of confidence growing inside coaching me on, driving me towards the unseen ending, it feels as if I am working my way through a mystery novel and I have yet to figure out who has committed the crime.

    Thursday June 6, 2002

    I really haven't worked on my video all that much, well basically because of the world cup, the soccer has been really good and I can't help but watch. Though I have placed a few clips, and they seem to fit well - the feeling I received when I placed the first clip and watched as it matched up with the music; it was amazing, with everything that has gone wrong with this, it was quite pleasing to finally get things going my way.

    Monday June 10, 2002

    I got really buzzed on Scottish truffles last night and just began to sit done and edit my video, it was amazing, I've never accomplished so much in one sitting that I did, well, earlier this morning, anyway, I felt good working on the video and seeing it shape into something that I knew it could be but didn't really realize it until I was in the moment. Ha ha, the moment, I sound like a freakin' pot smoking poet for cripes sake. Anyway, I think those who actually have already shown interest in this video will really like what I put out.

    Tuesday June 11,2002

    Ok, here is the situation on the video, I have a minute of it completed, and it looks great, I'm in love with this project. I rendered and exported a test clip and everything works so beautifully, I can't believe it. As of now things are looking shaky for Senegal, they were up 3 to 0, and now their lead has been cut to 3 to 2, I hope to hell Senegal can hold on and score another goal to seal this one up and proceed onto the next round. My heart is pounding hard, both because of the recent success of the video and the intensity of the game. Signing off.

    Thursday June 13,2002

    Well, a few days have gone by and more progress has been made; some that I am extremely pleased with, and other that I could probably do a little better job on. The problem that I find myself running into is lack of footage, Though I do feel I have done quite well with what is available, I would prefer a little more to work with, but as my some-what testy brother would say, "when life hands you lemons make lemonade." As stupid as a saying that is I feel it applies to this situation. Well, Costa Rica is playing Brasil (the proper spelling) and I really want to see CS advance into the next round, so I must be signing of, and after the football match I will continue my effort onto putting the finishing touches onto my video.

    Thursday June 20, 2002

    OK, here's what's going on, I have been really busy and unbelievably tired this week so I have done absolutely no work on the video what so ever other than buying the cd in which the song resides which I plan to use in the video. Which is some good news because the audio source I was using was pretty horrible. The video itself is like 80 percent finished and if I put in a good days work, which I plan to do tomorrow, I will have it basically finished and I can put all three parts; intro, actual video and outro, and it shall be complete and beautiful and I hope to show this one to a hell of a lot of people and get their opinions on it, though they may give me good and bad I shall not change it, just do that which they suggest on my next project, if I ever do one. The process is long and stresses the fuck out of me and I piss everyone that is around me off. So this may be my first and last official music video. Who knows, if I can afford a real copy of adobe premiere and get a dual processor system I will most like create a few more if this one is received well. That's all from me for now.

    Cavan Logan aka Soma Overdose aka The Devil In Drag aka The Neon Cherub aka The Foo Frog aka no one at all
     
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