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Hurt feeling galore
2004-10-22 23:29:06
Well Im wrinting yet again about how I'm still getting hurt by my so called, "Friends." they act like it then they stab you in the back with a nice FUCK YOU! Holy lord sock above, I must be in the lowest of lows.. I have no one to trust anymore. Jazzy won't listen to me, she says I "whine 24/7." I do not, just because she lives this perfect life of happy parents and no woes what so ever does not give her rights to pass off her judgement on me. Shes such a spoiled brat, her parents have spoiled her to no end. I think that raising spoiled children should be a crime. Well Ky'lea has some how managed to slap me in the face. She just dosnt understand how hurt I feel. I feel like Im competing for her friendship and I've even told her so and she won't listen, she just goes "Oh Sorry" and shrugs it off like its no big problem. We used to be best friends and over the summer she just placed herself so far from me. I guess I've been feeling this way for awhile. Don't even get me started on Chelsea, I don't even know about her anymore. She just is so diffrent from the happy go lucky girl I used to know. I used to have a crush on her. lol! Wow... I can't believe I'm admitting this on a web thing. Well whatever.
Well enough ranty-rant for today. I don;t have a clue as to what I have been listening to for the past hour and a half. I think it is some weird band that was in my cd player when I walked in here. I dunno. Well more awesomely awesome news! *sarchasim* I get to go to the Childrens Museum with my fsmily! Oh so fun! *runs and gags* Well I think thats about all I can say. Im just going to go and leave you with a final thought; Send me responses! lol I probably won't get any. I don't even care if its hate mail, just send me something! Yeah.. Well later! - ugh... 2004-10-21 22:18:55 Well I didnt even get to finish my thought and my title when my mom walked in and wanted to use the internet, even though she is on all day while were at school and while Im at home I can hardly get on to do my homework! She uses the computer to hold her little affair with an old college buddy and to talk to people from wherever. THis is what my moms 3rd mid-life crisis! Well I have to go... Oh and my title was supposed to be "Bloody Hell" but it just ended up being "Bloody" Well uh... Thats it.. Outies for Kat! Umm Excuse my errors I've been kinda kept up in a weird little ranty part of me.
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Bloody
2004-10-21 20:49:41
Ooook. For some reason or another I feel really pissed off and moody today. Maybe it's because all my friends are suddenly drifting from me and closer to another person and Im left with no one. I have no one to spend hours on the phone with, no one to share my secrets with and no one to tell how crappy and shitty my life is getting. My life just seems to be spiraling down a black hole of f-ing doom! I have no life anymore, I got put up for babysitting by my parents because Im "not doing anyhting." My parents need to learn that I *underlines allot!* That I repeat, I, Make MY decisions.They also forget that I don't have a car to drive otherwise I would I have a life of some sort... Well, I guess I've gotten into this habbit of not talking to people about my feelings anymore because I've just been getting hurt so much. I usually end up running away with my tail between my legs now, when someone hurts me. I wore my favorite sarong over my jeans today, my own friends persaciuted me for it. I need new friends. Im kinda tearing as I write this. I have no friends anymore, no will to go and no life to live. I think I finnaly figured out, no one would really miss me if I died.
My mom got really angry on Moday and decided to take it all out on us the other day, she did this all because my dad forgot her birthday. SHe got all pissy and she started yelling at me for lame ass shit like not cleaning up my socks that I had just placed on the floor two seconds before. I was folding clothes and she then yelled at me for not folding them correctly! *btw; Who gives a flying fuck how your towels are folded?* So that was my lame monday . Tuesday wasn't much better, it was jut an all out crappy day, no particular reason. Wensday was ok, I had creative writing that made stuff better, kinda. It was just a really slow day, I think the slowest I have had all year. Well today was off to a great start and then it all just crashed and burned around 3rd. period. I got out of third and met up with Chelsea and Jazzy like I ussually do and they got all pissed at me because " I stole their saying. " *9_9 How fucking mature of you guys* Well than they started pissing me off by just nagging me about what a loser I am, becasue I wore a sarong. blah, I think they are the losers because they don't have the guts to show their own personalities through what they wear. THey hide it all in masses of black "goth" clothes.
I hate it when people call it "goth" clothes, Gothic is acctually a term that refers to a popular architechture of the 1880's. It is NOT by any means a popular sub-culture of our society! Yes I will rant your ass off about that stuff if you say things incorrectly. Well my family is all excited about Disney and yes I wil state this once again, I HATE DISNEY WORLD! I see NO point in going to see a stupid molester in a mouse suit. There is no point in going to a place that is, so commercialized and part of -
oy... A looong random thing that Im plotting for a poem maybe even a story.. I dunno yet
2004-10-17 00:36:43
Life is complicated ,*thank you captain obviouse.* Well I mean it. Im confused out of my witts.. jeeeez.... I dunno what to do w/ myself anymore. I've become so numb to everything, I dont't know what to say. Well hey now that Im using lines from my poems I can know call myself a moron. Well I think Im starting to drift away from religion. It does nothing for me except bring me down. I hate it, I think Im going to start being pagan. WHo knows, I might end up killing myself. Just kidding, I dont think I would do that. I have to many people that would hurt if I did that, but sometimes I wonder, would they remember me, or just move on. If they move on, that would be nobel, but I want to be remembered for something, not just the girl who commiteted suicide, Im better than that. Well heres my random brain plot for my story/poem/ whatever the hell I want it to be... 9-9 SOrry for spelling errors, lack of sleep bites!
My life has taken as short smoldering nose dive nto the black hole of confusion, why me, why do I have to be so much diffrent. I don't understand, why does no one relate to me. My feelings, they feel inferior and worthless now. I know there are others like me, maybe they're just like me are scared and afraid to raise there voice and be heard as an individual, a confused one but still heard. I would love to be heard, but who would I tell, I can't even tell my best friends. they dont understand the hurt I feel everyday, the struggle I go through trying to sort out these mixed emotions and feelings. I just dont know why I was picked to be this way. Have'nt I suffered enough, don't I play this game of life just like others, I play it more than others, my feelings all genuine and my thoughts and actions all though out with the out come of the impact in mind. I don;t understand how is that I'm this way. My parents would abandon me if they knew, I would die with out their knowledge of my loves inner beauty and how it was shone to many others. - POST! Cont. 2004-10-11 22:17:06 Well my b-day! What an ordeal that turned out to be! Oy, my friends, all of them in one room well that was insane! IT was loud, loud loud! grr.. Hmm.. too much to post sooooo little time! I must go!
JOURNAL: Kat_gurl (Justine {Ie: Kat} )
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