JOURNAL: treeprincess (Sarah Ashworth)

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  • .......shoot me please.... right here... right in my heart. don't worry, i won't feel a thing. 2002-04-15 15:30:04 today was... interesting. I woke up early, got all excited about checking out that apartment complex. and the phone rings. frank's on the line saying he'll take me there this afternoon because he has "stuff" to do this morning. thas cool, i have shit to get done too.

    so i go back to sleep. he he

    now i wake up cause someone's at my bedroom door. i hafta get up, get dressed and wake up (not in any order). well frank starts driving over to the apartment but we ended up at his house. i thought "maybe he's getting money for his lunch or something..." but he comes around to my side, opens the door and says "get out." well, i did. (mistake 1)

    so we go inside and he grabs me and carries me upstairs. i kept saying "what are you doing?!" to which he just replies "you'll see" well he takes me to his room, sits me down on his foot locker and gets on his knees in front of me. i freaked out "no no no no no don't do this!" so he says "please just let me do this" so i sat there and i just cried and i didn't run away. (mistake 2)

    well he sang to me (a country song, what a shock) and he gave me flowers and chocolate covered strawberries and a poem he'd written and then he pops out a ring box. i was ready to run away. but i didn't (mistake 3)

    so he gives me a ring (*phew* not a proposal) that he had engraved and said "it'll never break or tarnish.... you don't have to wear it, i just want you to have it." so i still have it. (mistake 4)

    i left everything else there at his house. he told me to take them with me but i said "what does it mean if i accept gifts from you?" i didn't want them. i'd feel so *bought*. so i left it all there. but why didn't i leave the ring? i was tempted to take it off and leave it on the dresser. throw it at him... toss it on the table...

    but i don't want to see that face. i am such coward. but if i did that to him then, i don't think i could take the pain i know would be in those eyes. i don't think i could bear the loss, the heartbreak. can anyone understand that?! wtf am i supposed to do? i just went home.

    i just went home becasue you cannot change my heart. you cannot change how i feel. not a million flowers, not hundereds of toys, rings, love ballads... you just can't change how i feel. the whole time i just kept mumbling to myself.. "id id id id id id id id..." i'm holding on so tight... i don't want to lose my grip... i want to be happy, but i want to be happy with you... my eden.

    *****************
    you can pull the beating heart from my chest
    try to untangle the knots
    try to decipher the emotion
    you can attempt to figure me out
    but my love is unexplained
    unbreakable
    unconditional
    and my hearts beats only for one man...





    i am sorry that man is not you.





     
  • too lazy to open hotmail... and since i'm here.. 2002-04-14 18:18:53 Machine:


    Here's what i got back from AKon about the "AMV Panel":

    **************
    Sarah,
    This is the response I got back on the programming suggestion. Looks
    like they're way ahead of us. :)
    Elaine

    Amy Smart wrote:
    We have two of them. Music video 101 and 102. 101 is for newbies, 102 is
    for advanced folks.

    Amy


    **************


    so that should answer that ne? i don't know if they need help working on it but you can ask if you want. at least you know they have one now and are helping encourage the long life of AMV.org ^-^ 
  • ....love love love loooooooooove..... 2002-04-13 22:01:30 "You take this LOVE! LOVE! LOVE!* he he... ahhhhh.. i'm such a romantic at heart. i just can't wait to party at 2, getting drunk and headbanging at 3 am, dance in the rain at 4... ahhh and just stay up in your arms watching the sunrise through the curtains... such a perfect evening...

    ...............

    and i can't wait.. to hold you close to me
    damn that clock
    damn that ocean
    damn the ones who said i couldn't have you.

     
  • spike dose hos! keep dem bitches in line, foo. he he 2002-04-12 16:00:08 EK: my first thought at seeing that spike figure "looks like he's ready to pimp slap someone" he looks so... yeah... smarmy. all that's missing is the purple velvet, zebra striped hat (pimp-in-the-hood feather optional). -_^

    ***************

    so back to reality, where the Spikes of the world are ho-free (except for that Julia character, i just don't trust her...) i have some news:

    I have oh so luckily located a place fifteen minutes from where i work, $100 deposit, $383/month rent, and NO CREDIT CHECK. yay! *happy dance*
    So I'll be moving outta the "hell house" ASAP and getting back to enjoying life with no strings attatched. and no more sharing my computer with little explorer crashing munchkins.

    ^-^ aaaaahhhh... feeeeel the joy...


     
  • for the record... i don't listen to mandy moore, i just work in a dept. store.... 2002-04-11 21:34:38 but these lyrics still get to me... make me think of a dear friend who hit rock bottom... lost and calling for help... just hoping that someone was listening...i was there for you, and i always will be.



    ...it was late in february
    And I've seen you before (and you were)
    You were always the cold one
    But i was never that sure
    You were all by yourself
    Staring at a dark gray sky
    I was changed

    All your feelings so deep inside (deep inside)
    It was then that I realized
    That forever was in your eyes
    The moment I saw you cry

    I wanted to hold you
    i wanted to make it go away
    I wanted to know you
    I wanted to make your everything, all right...
     
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