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o_O Round 2
2005-04-25 01:43:38
can't sleep. It's about 1:15 and we just watched the movie saw. I'm tellin you, theres some fucked up stuff out there. I dont understand why we put ourselves through that, it's horrible. But everyone likes it. I dunno. I don't want to get all philosophical tonight, I have enough on my mind.
Why is it that what I want is just out of my reach. She has a boyfriend. Is it wrong that I love her? I don't know what to do about it, it's so confusing, so painful. I;ve never wanted anything this bad (not even a lvl75 DRK in FFXI :P). I'd give it all up. All I want is to be out on my boat, sailing on Vineyard Sound, with the wind at my back and with her at my side. I love how all this goes down at the most inconvenient time too. Finals are not a good time at all. I'm so stressed from all the work, and so out of it from all this...it sucks. But I guess I gotta be a man and suck it up. That's what I've done every other time, this isn't any different. God...
I talked to Laura, the girl from down the hall, earlier tonight. I guess I was a wreck last night. I'm glad I don't remember it. It sucks being a guy sometimes. Why the hell should I be embarassed that I cried over something that really bothered me. I don't give a damn, fuck that mentality.
Sometimes I get afraid that I'm an alcoholic because I black out from drinking so much. I guess its just normal in college though. Right? Live it up while it's here, it's a short four years :(
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O_o
2005-04-24 19:24:48
The weekend: in a word, confusion. First off I forget a lot of it. My douchebag roommate went home for both friday and saturday night so I was pumped. Friday was kinda laid back, I played beirut til God knows when, and I guess I did pretty well (I can't remember it lol). Saturday night was the Howie Day concert up here at school but I ended up not going. The girl down the hall, Alex, is like an older sister to me, and it was her birthday, so we surprised her and took her out to dinner, so I wasn't back in time for the show. That's alright with me though, I'd rather be there for her than to go see some concert. At the restaurant one of the girls got a little too drunk and she gave me her keys. I'd also like to mention that her keys were to a 2005 BMW, which I promptly drove her home in :D.
After we got back, I got a call on my cell phone. It was from a girl named Julie. Now Julie and I are really close, she went to my school last semester, but transfered out so she could be closer to home. She's about an hour away from my school and 30 mins from my house. Not really that far. Julie and I have always been really flirty and stuff with each other, but the catch is that she has a boyfriend. An asshole boyfriend (it seems like there are a lot of these nowadays). Thing is, I like Julie a lot. A real lot. Anyways, the phone call was to tell me that she was at my school and came to surprise me.
So I let her in and everything, she brought some mutual friends over as well. I was greeted with a wraparound hug ( :D ) So she came back to our room, and us and a buncha people started drinking. Then people gradually began to leave. Eventually it was just us and we started tallking. I'm gonna stop now to say that we did not hook up, I don't really know how I would feel about that. It's pretty bad to help someone cheat, but is it right if you are in love? It is an epic question...relived on soap opera after soap opera. But we just talked all night and she was supposed to be back in her friends room at 130 or so but i kept persuading her to stay, and you could really just tell she didnt want to go. It sucked. I've never felt like that before, even with past girlfriends. It's weird, I really don't know what to do. I don't want to talk to her about it because I'm afraid it'll damage our friendship. But I don't want to let it go because I like her a lot. Hmm.. I think I'm gonna go call up Alex and we'll head out on a walk to try to figure things out. By the way, I'm uploading a new video tonight so check it out! vertical horizon - I'm Still Here (what a perfect song for this entry..) -
Boring day
2005-04-21 15:10:32
Today is boring. But really, to me, thats freakin awesome because I've had so much work recently. 4 papers were due today, and I just turned in the last one. *sigh*. Thank god its all over with. Now I just have finals and then I'm done. Besides that it's been uneventful.
song of the day: matchbox romance - my eyes burn
thought of the day: Republicans are dumb.
complaint of the day: Nothing! except the new ffxi update is taking forever. - 2005-04-16 18:15:59 Man, I'm bored. It's saturday and we had a BBQ outside today, which was pretty cool. The whole school was there so I went down after I woke up around 130ish. The food was ok, but the competition for it was insane. I tell ya, its amazing what some people will do for a hamburger. Now I have the dilemma of worry how to get alcohol into here, and it's stressing me out. I dont understand why the other kids on the floor dont take care of it for once - I always end up doing it for them. Maybe I'll just pass on drinking tonight and play some ffxi or finish up my next video. I think that'd be fun, but my roommate brought a friend up to visit, so I want her to have a good time. We'll I'm gonna go get on that I guess.
- 2005-04-15 01:12:10 Wow, I just watched FeardotCom, some scary movie, and it was real fucked up. So I obviously can't sleep cuz I'm a wuss for that kinda stuff. I'm glad my roommate's here and that I'm at school because there's no way I'd get to sleep. So I think I'll look around for a new AMV to do.
JOURNAL: Ragnarok414 (Dan Costin)
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