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Yea, I am bad
2002-11-13 08:01:19
Tell me people, why is it that when you finally have an answer, things change? Last night, the red boy once again asked me what I wanted to be and I gave him my usual answer - both dark and light. The boy went away and then the girls came. I went over to the light woman and for once in my life, my soul felt complete and whole. The sensation was one that I had not had in a long time, not since I was in love with Leeanne did I feel so complete. I knew she was healing my heart. After a while (you lose all sense of time on the Beach) a Red Angel - a huge warrior with eagle wings and in an armor that I can not identify (neither eastern armor nor European armor) came and asked me if this is what I wanted. I told him that I wanted the While woman yes, but that I also wanted the power and knowlage of the darkness. The angel told me that I must choose what type of heart that I wanted - one of darkness or one of light. I looked up into the eyes of the light and asked her if there was someone back in the world who was waiting for me and who loved me. She looked back at my eyes and told me yes, there was. I then looked at the Angel and told him that I wanted my heart to be light.
The Angel then said "As you make this decision of your own free will and of your own volition, so shall your heart be light." The Angel then walked off onto the Red strip and left. The White girl gave me a big smile and let my head rest on her stomach. That is where my dream ended... -
Up to date
2002-10-22 07:54:29
Wow, haven't up dated this in a little while. Well, now I will.
In studio news, I finally got a partner in crime. His name is Corey Dickey and he will be helping me with almost everything - putting up a web site for First Child, helping with the intros and telling me what is good and bad in my video. By far, he will be one of the best people I can get for my studio.
I am gonna run my idea of Evangelion with the song Hero by Nickelback by him - see how he likes it. Since his picture will be in the intro along with Me and Rei Anamani, all decisions will be made with him also. Hope he likes it. -
My heart and mind
2002-10-14 07:57:28
You know what always pisses me off? When I see two people who claim that they are truly in love and am going to enjoy the rest of their lives together then get married a few months later. I know a couple who have been dating for 5 months and now just got married. These people just met in High School for Christ's Sake! I hate love...
When I was 15 years old, I met this girl named Leeanne Comuso. She was dating my best friend Brian Gier. Even than I knew I loved her. She was beautful - strong heart, colorful personality, gorgious body and such a drive to help others. After about 18 months, I was dating Leeanne. I was truly in love. Everytime I hugged her, touched her, kissed her my mind was flooded with happiness and love. There was nothing I was not willing to do for her happiness and safety. But in the end, she cheated on me with another guy and my heart shattered. For 18+ months, I have not been able to be close to another persons heart. When I am able to, that person is not able to so I end up becoming a lover from a distance. I hate it. I hate feeling like a little dog who can't say "I love you" because I am a coward and don't want my heart broken. I hate it. -
My latest dream
2002-10-11 07:41:36
For the past nine months I have had a reoccuring dream. I am walking down a beach toward the ocean-lake-body of water. On the left - the sand is black with flecks of green. A thunderstorm is approaching and it is night. On the right, the sand is so white - almost snow white with small flecks of yellow. It is shining and sunny. I am walking on a red path right between the two beaches. As I get closer to the water, I see two people - on the white side a archangel - large white swan wings, platinum armor, a diomand long sword, flowing red hair and a perfect face. On the black side, a demon lord is there. Huge skin wings adorned his back and he had a weapon that I could not tell if it was a axe or a sword. He was dressed in armor that was made to look like the bones of lesser demons. The demon had short black hair, but eyes that glowed red. The two beings were fighting with their weapons on the boundry, but the fight was a stalemate - both were of exact skill and strength. As I watched the two fight, I felt a a tug on my shirt. I turned around and saw a little boy about 8 years old dressed in red robes. The boy told me to choose what I wanted to be - good or evil. I turned back to the fight and thought about it. The light side had a nobility I wanted and strength of spirit that I found faciniting but the dark side had a cunning and power that I wanted. I replied that I can not choose - both good and evil are a part of me and that evil had characterists that could be used for good and good had traits that could be seen as evil. The boy just said choose what you want to be. At this point the fighters stopped and went off into their beaches. But two women then came from the beaches. The white was dressed modestly, but she had a humility and compassion that was shown. The one from the dark was not dressed as much (a rather large understantement) and walked to show that she was a slut and could give me a great deal of physical pleasure if I let her. Once again I said that I could not choose only one - good and evil are both inside me. The women come up to me on their respective side and that is where my dream ends.
In the real world - I am going to try and get one of my friends to join my very small studio - even as someone just to make and update my website. His name is Corey and has been my friend for over 10 years now. Hope he joins First Child Studio... -
Dreams
2002-10-10 07:47:10
I think that it is strange that I chose to become a artist - if that is what a anime music video director/editor/all other jobs are. My parents don't even like anime. No one in my family likes anime and only 2 out of my countless (i wish) even like it. Could I like anime as a way of breaking out from the norm and becoming what I precieve to be me? If so, what am I? I guess that it all comes down to our dreams...
Everyone has dreams. To be a NFL player, to make a million dollars, to walk on the moon, humans have the strange ability to dream the strangest things then find ways to make what was not possible possible. My dream is to find someone who loves me and who I love. I don't want a million dollars - enough to make my family comfortable is enough, nor do I want power - enough to protect my job and my family would make me confortable and happy. I want to make anime music videos. I want to find out who I am and what I am supposed to do in this place that we call The Universe. What am I supposed to do for humanity and the human civilization?
Part of me does not identify with humanity. Part of me sees the human race as a flock of sheep - something to be controlled, a force that will give me the power to do as I please. Followers were ment to follow so they will follow me. Yet another part of me sees that most people are just fish in a stream - going what ever way the water goes - never jumping out of the water to see where they are going or what they have done. Certain fish do though - artists, historians, leaders. My family, church, organizations all saw me as a leader so they taught me as such. I enjoy and cherish all forms of beauty and will protect and shelter that which is beautful - that which is pleasent to the eyes, to the ear, to the taste, to the touch, to the smell, to the heart and to the mind. If it pleasent to one of these things I will protect it. Music, art, a soft touch, a good meal, a blade of grass, a good book - all of these are beautful.
The voices in my head are as usual split on the topic of beauty. The dark voice wants me to destroy all that is beautful - to keep it for myself, to destroy that which I can not have, to kill. The light voice wants me to share that which is beautful, to preserve and to save. For the most part, I have chosen the light in this area of my life because I want others to see beauty and know that we are a special species of animal - one that can create beautful works of art to improve his station in life and express that which can not be put in words - love that ends in pain but was so worth it, hatred that is shown outward but is hurting the person on the inside, the warrior who fights for his honor and the live of his love and no other reason. Emotions and concepts that can not be expressed in mere words because if you say them wrong - a wrong inflection, a mispronounced letter or speak it to the wrong person - the entire idea, emotion, concept and belief is destroyed and lost because you cheapened it to the masses. That is why there are so few good authors - they try and do th impossible and for hte most part they do fail - but those few that can express that which we hold most sacred with out destroying it, they are the masters of the word and I salute you.
Sorry - my rantings seem to be getting longer and more personal. If any of you who read this want to send me a e-mail it is morpherotic@hotmail.com. I just want to know if I am wasting my time and yours out there. If you don't want to read these, tell me and I will make them private. Thanks-
Dleko
JOURNAL: Dleko (Dleko Urial)
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