JOURNAL: bokugakowaii (Kicki Lännström)

  • Me... 2005-03-19 06:37:15 It turns out that I don�t got any life. Many people thinks this, but just a few of these has right about it. A very few, actually.
    To be honest, to don�t have a life and have a life without a meaning is pretty much alike, the only thing that seperate them is that people without any lifes don�t have anything to feel down about. They are just empty. No feelings at all. Am I a, as people tend to call me, a monster, or just a normal human being in some kind of fase?

    To tell more about it, I know pretty much about physycology and I´ve been through a lot of deep depression recently (long story). My way out if it, as it turns out, was to fight (!). I started on a karate club and everything felt better. It felt like I had set up a goal in my life and had dreams and hopes again.

    I don´t like school. I have a plenty of good arguments why this is and of the best is; The school hates me back!
    The reader to this, YOU in other words, may think this sounds cracy. But it isn´t. It´s totaly normal. Just doesn´t got any friends because I´m, as they say, "odd". Please, trust me, I´m perfectly fine with this. The thing I, on the other hand, can´t please with is that everyone is talking about me and everyone is recognise me. All since third grade I´ve been the "silent guy" and I´m still that now.

    Friends are wonderful, but at the same time awful. Dont you agree?
    Friends are wonderful cuz you know you can talk and share so much with them, but at he main time they know so much about you that, if they dare, could told everyone about anything you done in life. And of course they could betray you whenever they feel like it. Human is cruel.

    However, for about a weak ago three guys came uo to me and spoke to me, in a friendly way. I didn´t recognice them but they seemed nice. I didn´t have the guts to ask them when or where we had met. They mentioned many things I had done (but I can´t remember) and congatulated me, they where all glad and seemed to look up to me. I´m definitly not used to this. They called me "Oskar" (this is a normal swedish name but NOT MY REAL ONE). I don´t know if this was a nickname or something but I didn´t like it. I try to talk to them about the things they say I´ve done in a objective way but I havn´t found anything out yet.

    Also, I´ve heard voices. I´ve wroten this in another thread but it´s much better now. I barely hear them. I´ts women who scream my name....

    The´re nothing, nothing and nothing I can do about all this.
    Beacouse my parents wouldn´t let me go to a hospital... 
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