JOURNAL:
kontrol (baka yaro)
-
depression
2004-01-05 00:46:28
well its that time again when i descend into an infinite abyss of depression—a struggle to justify my existence to myself. probably tomorrow i will feel "all better" but for the moment i feel like there is no tomorrow. the prospect of returning to school after a year of medical leave seems almost daunting. what the FUCK have i done with my life in the past year? pretty much amounts to JACK SHIT. well, i certainly can't name anything that has been productive, beneficial, or lasting. shit fucking wasting time making music videos that nobody watches or enjoys. so what do i have to show for my 20 years of existence? what contribution have i made to the human race? none. do i expect to make a difference? how can i be pompous enough to believe that an insignificant, resourceless fucker like me can make even the slightest bit of difference? basically i can't say why but i continually struggle to make my life mean something when really noone's lives mean anything at all. i mean seriously if the entire human population was suddenly decimated, in the scope of the universe that doesn't mean JACK SHIT.
what am i doing? why does insignificance bother me? doesn't that mean that i think of myself as significant? why should i? the purpose of life continues to elude me. without purpose it seems i have no reason to exist. and yet i feel self righteous enough to publically share my worthlessness, as if anyone else gives a rats ass.
motivation disappears. "luxurious inertia" ensues.
-
whoop de fuck
2003-11-16 16:31:10
well finally put up some of my old videos. sheesh. i can't believe i've been making videos for 3 plus years and nobody has seen them. HAHAHAHAHAH.
-
back in this
2003-07-27 14:44:01
ok time to get my ass back in gear. had a nice, productive break, lots of inspiration. time to get back in this.
-
i'm getting senile
2003-06-30 23:59:25
god damn it i'll say this much. there's no god damn thing that can be kept a secret in this world.
-
holy shiznit
2003-06-29 10:55:40
i'm a fucking pompous bastard.
see how cats will set you up the bomb
Current server time: Jan 18, 2025 06:00:26