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Moving Onwards...
2003-09-10 00:06:57
Trying to get over some things that have been happening in my life. It just makes me kind of sick and feel useless right now. I guess I won't really feel useful until I actually find a girl. Heh, that may take a while, maybe it'll never happen. Who knows what the future holds huh? Well, I don't really want to know. I'm just trying to get through my last year of high school. Once I'm in college, things will settle down a lot. After 4 years of that, then I'll be worrying about a job and stuff. Yeah, life is truly an endless waltz. Getting over little things and moving towards the big things, but don't those little things ever add up into something big? Man.....This has got to suck. I wish I could have like 1 entirely free week without any worries to just lay in my bed and dream of happiness, wherever it may be, whenever it may be, with whomever it may be...
Sephiroth -
Planning to be done...
2003-09-07 23:50:51
There's a lot of things that I've been planning for the past couple months that'll effect my entire life, my hobbies, and basically everyone close to me. This is basically a list of everything I need to get done for myself, but I'll share it with you all too, so you can see how intense my life is basically.
Since I decided that my major was going to be engineering (although now I'm not sure what I'm going to go into), I thought that I should go to a university with a good engineering college. Now I am also considering going into Physics or something close to that, since I've heard that the Computer field is basically flooded with people (mainly cheap labor Indians, while I'm an Indian brought up here), so that's bascially out. I don't want to go into Civil Engineering since that's mainly city planning and developments. Electrical Engineering is closely related to CE, but I'm not too sure what kind of jobs they do. Chemical Engineering and other medical type fields are out, since I hate Chemistry and Biology. But here's a list of the colleges I'm looking at so far:
1. University Of Missouri - Rolla (I heard that this state university is basically good for Electrical Engineering, but the engineering college is pretty decent overall).
2. University Of Missouri - Columbia (Basically the main state school with a big program on Journalism, but this is my for sure shot.)
3. Purdue (This would probably be my best shot to get into. I've heard it's a good engineering college and stuff and one of the best state colleges in the US.)
4. Rutgers University (Both my brothers went here so I'm basically in, but it has a decent engineering college.)
5. MIT (This is my long shot. I have basically no chance of getting into this, but I might as well try.)
6. University Of Washington (I haven't really looked into this college much, but it has a pretty good engineering college and it's in eyesight (meaning you can see them from the campus) of big companies like AMD and Intel.)
That's what I have so far, it may change; it may become bigger. This is a HUGE decision for me.
I'm hoping to buy a new computer this weekend coming up. I'm probably just going to spend like $700 - $800 on the studio HPs or Compaqs that they have in the stores and buy all the parts that I want to upgrade. I'll most likely have to upgrade the RAM, sound card, HDDs, and add in a capture card. I'll take the parts from the new computer that I replaced and put them into this computer, so it'll run a lot smoother and better. That'll probably be the best choice, because then I get my ultimate computer and my parents would have a good running computer of their own then. It's still going to cost me around $1500 total. And probably hours and hours of time.
I've finally figured out a decent way to get anime DVDs for a reasonable price and expand my collection by a LOT. I was looking at quite a few animes to get the DVD boxset of. I've decided upon Cowboy Bebop, since DiscountAnimeDVD.com has a hot deal on it (All 6 DVDs plus the movie DVD for only $150). When I buy it I'm going to spend an extra $100 to get Dragonball Z: The Saiyan Saga boxset. It's basically going to be 50 episodes total plus a movie. That'll keep me busy for two months (I'll only watch one episode a day, so I don't spend all of my money on anime). After two months I'll probably either buy the Hellsing DVD boxset or the Gundam Wing and get the second DBZ boxset. That way my anime collection grows with DBZ (I've only seen up to the episode where Goku becomes a Super Saiyan.) and I'm getting exposed to different animes. Anyway, I hope my bank account still grows a little. Basically half my money that I earn per two months will go towards anime DVDs, CDs, and gasoline.
There's still a lot I want to write in here. Man, I shouldn't post in here so long after the last posts (meaning the big gap between the posts from like 2 weeks ago). I'll have to write in here again tomorrow to update more of my everchanging life. I feel so expressful!
Sephiroth -
Friends should know something...
2003-09-06 23:11:26
Friends should know when a person is feeling lonely and everything. When he needs a little help and someone to chat to and share feelings with. But a person can't do that with their friend when she always leaves and everything. A friend is someone who's supposed to help their friends and listen to them when they're going through hard times. A person shouldn't wait for his friend to appear and become so cheerful then automatically die as soon as he realizes that his friend isn't going to stay and listen to him.
Sephiroth -
Updates...Galore!
2003-09-04 23:09:56
I've been really busy lately. School, college, homework, AMVs...
As most people who have been reading my journal (I'm sorry for the freaking lack of updates on my life, but once I get started writing in this journal, then it's like I can't stop. I just want to keep going on and writing in here, telling all of my thoughts and feelings...)........Anyway, restart the sentence. 'As most people who have been reading my journal' know, I'm enrolled in high school to finish my one credit that I need for graduation and going to community college at the same time. So here's the update on that situation...Well, not the full journal, just like 1/3 of it! Get ready!
High School: I only take two classes. AP Advanced Physics and AP Statistics. Both are fairly easy for now. I like Physics a lot more, and now I'm even considering becoming a Physicist. We had our first test in Physics on Wednesday, but I think I did pretty well. We also started our AP Statistics test today. It's only on chapter 1, but I think I did decent. I'll do much better next time hopefully. Oh, my Physics class is full of freaking weirdos. I hate most of them, especially the guy that I sit next to. Man, I just had to get that out. But my teacher is awesome; that's why I took Physics a second time!
College: College is a lot different that I had thought it to be. But I'm glad that I get to break in during community college and not mess up big when I go to a 4 year university next year. I'm taking General Chemistry and Calculus 1. Heh, two math classes and two sciences? Well, I dislike AP Statistics and hate Chemistry, but love Physics and Calculus. Weird huh? Books cost a freaking lot of money. I still need to buy goggles for Chemistry. I really hate Chemistry. I'm still trying to get significant figures down. Calculus has just been a review of Pre-Calculus so far with just a little different notation and stuff. I messed up on a Chemistry lab this week. I wrote the prelab for the Experiment 2, while we were doing Experiment 1. I'll have to make up the points later. See why I hate chemistry?
AWA9 Pro's nomination deadline is tomorrow night. I gotta watch the other tape tonight and make notes. Ahem. If you are entered into the contest, do not look at my profile! It will ruin the blind judging, but I did find out that anneke made that homosexual video on there. There was basically one category that only fits that video. I'm not going to vote for it or anything, because I know that there wouldn't be enough nominations for that category to sustain it. There are some fucking dumb categories that people nominated.
Let's see what else? I really like this one girl in my AP Advanced Physics class. I don't think that she'll notice me a lot though. I'm not a bad looking person though...I just don't know why women don't like me. It feels like that I'm never going to meet the person right for me... I'll try to write in here again tomorrow. I have to go watch the second tape for AWA, so I can make my nominations before the deadline tomorrow night.
Anyway, bye everyone. If you read this far, I'm so wondering why you care for what I write! Who wants to read about poor little me?
Sephiroth -
Loneliness..
2003-08-27 23:25:13
I feel lonely...Very lonely...
I need someone to talk to badly, but since everyone is busy, I thought that it would be best if I just kept my thoughts and feelings in here. I guess that's why I've been so bland the past couple weeks. Loneliness is a horrible feeling, and I feel like there's nothing I can do about it. It just feels like my life is pretty useless right now. I always thought that I would do something with my life, but I just keep thinking that I'm going to end up single for the rest of my life, making AMVs when I'm 55 years old, and with a boring white collar job that won't have me getting any fame or anything of the sort.
It's not like my life is going to really have that big of an influence on people. I'll pay somebody rent for an apartment or whatever, but they'll be able to find someone else to get that money. I won't have any kids or a wife, because I really don't think that there's a person out there right for me. My studio doesn't really need me, because they have someone else to maintain the website. Someone else can organize the contest and everything. What impact am I going to have?
The world is based on money and that's never going to be something that I'm going to have a lot of. Of course my dream was to be like head of Intel Inc., but I really doubt that that will ever happen to me. My life just seems really pointless.
I really feel like crying. Crying would really help right about now.
All this work that I do and everything. What will it accomplish? I feel like such a failure.
Who cares...who cares about me? Everyone is leaving me. Even I feel like leaving... I'm really considering it now...
Leaving the earth feels right...but what should I do? Who do I look to for advice now?
Maunas...My real name...But who cares to know?
Goodnight...maybe goodbye...
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JOURNAL: SephirothJenova (Marquise Strife)
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