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The story of my BEWBS!!!
2008-05-02 03:06:09
Paraphrased for the sake of being succinct.
Boss: Danielle there have been some complaints in regards to your performance and professionalism at work, and as a ruslt the Branch Manager has decided that you cant represent the area at Division briefings across the Department.
Me: what kind of complaints?
Boss: It's being reported that you leant across a table and a client saw your breasts and he's complained about it.
Me: Did he see my bra?
Boss: no
Me: then he didn't actually have anything exposed, I've been wearing the same tops as the other staff, it's not my fault that my bewbs haven't dropped and you can see the top of my cleavage in them :
Boss: my mother in law had large breasts like yours and when she had a breast reduction her problems all went away, have you considered a breast reduction?
Me: what!? firstly my bewbs dont cause me back problems and secondly why would I want to have surgery to work hear? I copped crap my entire life for having large breasts, I needed a bloody bra when I was 8 and I was a C cup by the time I was 11 and in highschool and now I cop crap about it here!!
Boss: it's all about perception Danielle, just because it's not offencive to you doesn't mean it's not to others
Me: what about my perception, this is unfucking fair!
Boss: but they are the ones who got offended
Me: yeah and now I am offended !
Boss: well you could wear the corporate uniform
Me: that's only for call centre staff and I've tried it on and the size 20's dont do up over my bewbs and looks like I'm wearing a tent!
Boss: you could get it adjusted
Me: and whose going to pay to get all my clothes tailor made?! I can't believe this I'm not even wearing low cut tops and this is "my problem" what am i supposed to do? wear a skivie every day?!
Boss: No of course not skivies aren't professional enough for a person at your level
/me eventually goes home very upset.
*next morning I go and see the Equity & diversity officer*
Me: blah blah blah this is what happened yesterday blah blah
E &D guy: ok...
Me: here i'll put it in terms that will make more sense to you "imagine your boss pulls you into a meet to be counciled and tells you that because you have a huge penis and balls your bulging package is offending people and not considered professional, you are wearing the same clothing as everyone else, but you boss suggests you get a penis reduction or have your clothes tailor made to allow for your large crotch"..
E&D guy : I get the picture, Medicare Australia does not descriminate on body type, so if 1 top is good enough for 1 person it is for any other in the area. What has been suggested is totally innapropriate and is descrimination, if you are wearing normal clothes similar to the others in your area and people find your breasts offencive then they need to either get over it or institute a policy where all staff in the area must wear the same tops that no one finds offencive. But we as a department have no clothing policy, there are guys in IT that wear jeans and t-shirts all day and that fully acceptable. Your manager shouldn't be counciling you about this she should be telling the people who made the complaints that they are out of line, and if there is something in your wardrobe that the branch manager doesn't like he needs to be specific saying carte blanche that it's not "professional" is not good enough.. I'd like you to try and talk to your boss about all the things we talked about and if you aren't put back on your normal duties, come back to me and we will take formal action.
Now my boss isn't talking to the branch manger due to some tiff so the prolem hasn't gone anywhere.
nuff said...
oh and it happened last week... and I'm still REALLY PISSED OFF!!
It's like being attacked for being female, how fucking dare they. *patts bewbs* dont worry guys no knives are going near you
I just thought this would be easier than explaining it over again. -
Sex Tip #9 Addendum
2008-03-13 03:11:42
It's been brought to my attention that I missed a few things off of the "Don'ts" list, and after looking it up I conclude that person is indeed correct and should be part of the "interview" I'll be doing for a future sex tip ;3
"Smoking cigarettes and drinking alcohol also negatively impact the taste."
thanks to DuplexKitty handgun -
Return of the sex tips #9:You are what you eat.
2008-03-12 20:56:46
This is all about oral and juices. Literally Juices.
Often chicks don’t like to give oral and although there are a variety of reasons (gag reflex, mental preconceptions etc) however the primary reason is how “it” tastes, more specifically pre-cum. Now fish jokes aside this also holds true for guys, who really wants to go down on a foul smelling pussy? Since your sense of smell actually accounts for 70% of your sense of taste how she/he smells is a pretty good indication of what’s about to cross your tongue.
As the old adage goes “you are what you eat” this really makes a difference when it comes to oral.
So what can you do to make yourself taste/smell better?
The answer is juice.
Ok well to be more specific, you should avoid the following foods for at LEAST a week prior to your oral encounter:
Fish (including fish sauce and oyster sauce and any kind of seafood fresh or saltwater)
Onion
Garlic
Protein supplements or large amounts of meat/protein in a single meal, like meat pies, cheese fondues, burgers and especially pork
Vinegar and pickles
Salty foods like pretzels and potato chips
So what then should you have more of?
Pineapple juice and or FRESH (not canned) pineapple (this is number 1 on the list try and drink at least 1 cup a day if not 2)
Lemon juice or lemons
Strawberries/blue berries
Fruity sugar lollies
Green Salads (be careful of the dressing)
Some people may ask why? Well it’s simple, these foods will interact with the natural acidity level in your body which affects your secretions in both smell and taste.
So what do you do if there’s not enough time to change your eating habits or your just plain lazy? Drink some coke a cola (no fake or flat coke) and swill it around in your mouth a bit before swallowing, it dulls your tastebuds (and starts eating them :O ) and you wont really taste much that’s coming out of him/her for the next 10 or so minutes, although you might get some strange looks for insisting on having a glass of coke next to the bed that you keep going back to.
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Sex Tip # 8: The C-spot, The T-spot and the G-spot
2007-10-10 22:04:39
What is the G-Spot?
The Gräfenberg spot (named after the German gynaecologist Ernst Gräfenberg who theorised it’s existence in 1950), or G-spot as it is know cannot actually be proven to exist, supposedly it is an erogenous zone that when stimulated leads to high levels of sexual arousal and orgasms, the more often it is stimulated correctly the easier it is for female to become aroused. Females tend to orgasm more easily when they control the morion during intercourse, stress and nervousness often impact females sexual stimulation often leading to no orgasm
There is a great deal of dispute about the reality of the G-spot in the scientific community. Most of the strong support for the claim comes from books aimed at a popular audience.
In a 1983 Time Magazine article about the G-spot and recent book, Dr. J. Jones Stewart, a gynaecologist was quoted as saying all evidence pointed to the fact that there was no G-spot. Specifically he pointed out that women that had the area (that supposedly contained the g-spot) surgically removed, reported no loss of sensation.
Other researchers have attempted to locate the G-spot by building on the claim that G-spot stimulation leads to female ejaculation. It’s theorised that females ejaculate originated from the female paraurethral glands, or Skene's gland (some times called the female prostate). This would mean that the G-spot is actually “a system of glands and ducts that surround the urethra” which is located “within the anterior wall of the vagina, about one centimetre from the surface and one third to one-half the way in from the vaginal opening.”
So at the end of the day no one really knows o.o;
What is the C-Spot?
The clitoris (Greek κλειτορίς) is a female sexual organ that is present in most mammals. In humans, the visible knob-like portion is located above the opening of the urethra and vagina. Unlike the penis, the clitoris does not contain the distal portion of the urethra and functions solely to induce sexual pleasure (with the exception of the Spotted Hyena).
Females derive more pleasure from stimulation of the clit than they do the G-spot, whether by hand, mouth or object. When female masturbate (and don’t think that they don’t we just talk about it less than males) it’s usually to stimulate this area. Like I said recently orgasms from this area are enough to make hetro chicks WANT to be lesbians, often inducing spasms through their lower body/legs.
What is the T-Spot?
Well I made up the word T-spot, T is for ‘Tits’.
5 percent of women can orgasm from their nipple/breast being played with often suckled and licked. Now I find the percentage strange as I personally know 3 chicks who get T-Spot orgasms…. But maybe my friends are just weird. For the rest of us more notably those not masochists, sucking to hard actually hurts.
Another interesting fact: It takes guy and average of 2 minutes to orgasm/ejaculate (when they just go for it) and females 10 minutes. So how to both orgasm at the same time? Practice and play with the chicks clit before/during intercourse build her up towards and orgasm and then let yourself go ;)
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Sex Tip #5 The Comparison (as requested on #AMV)
2007-08-28 22:09:34
The Outer Circle
So the 'evil' inner circle all managed to get up their manhood and out their tape measures inside of an hour on #AMV and yet it's taken me weeks to actually gather measurements from the 'outer circle' not to mention dealing with all sorts of excuses around not owning a ruler/tape measure which is funny because more of the 'outer circle' are actually in school so you would think that such things would be easier to come by :|
before I go any further some people may ask what is the 'outer circle'? it more or less consists of those not part of the 'elitist' cliques, most are considered n00bs although many do have editing ability they are just swimming around amongst those n00btubers (the great unwashed)who don't.
How this ended up being a commentary on amv.org politics I'll never know .
The 'inner circle' is a name/banner toted around by only about 5 editors however what it represents is a much larger group many of whom will claim that they aren't in a 'clique' or some such codswallop. Much like school yard factions all the unpopular kids know who the popular ones are.
How does one move from mundanity into the Inner Circle (or the grey area between which some people believe exists, and consists of editors that aren't top notch but don't get bothered by the IC)?
From observations and various conversations with both IC and OC I believe it works like this.
You either get introduced by someone already on the inside and then it's sink or swim or you make it on talent alone (this is exceedingly rare). Sucking up/flattery and asking for things from the 'IC' will get you no where so although they may enjoy the Victoria's Secret specials you send to them it's just going to make you look like an idiot (esp since most are male)
Now back to penis size.
IC (10 people measured - there was a late edition but this evens up the sample size and changes the calculations)
Length: 6.75 inches
Width: 1.65 inches
Average age: 19.9 years
Ethnicity mix: Caucasian (includes European), native American, Asian
OC (10 people)
Length: 5.31 inches
Width: 1.02 inches
Average Age: 15.2 years
Ethnicity mix: Caucasian, black(african), Hispanic
Considering the age difference and ethnicities this tells a few interesting stories about both .org politics and penis size, though the OC shouldn't be worried or disappointed in these results they've got a few years of growth ahead of them and by that time they will probably be the IC with a whole new generation of n00btubers (or what ever the replacement in 4 years time may be)
on a slightly off topic point every time i wrote 'n00b' the spellcheckers suggested spelling was 'knob' >.<
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