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New.
2012-08-18 14:38:50
New ID, new sig, new avatar.
YallNiggasAintCleanAsMyTeamIs. - Fucking 2012-07-29 19:14:48 brain daggers. owowowowow.
- I need an outlet 2012-07-28 11:32:55 So I'm posting an actual journal entry. I'm tired. Not just like, lack of sleep tired....like, can I please be in a coma or dead so I can finally relax, tired. My passion for everything I enjoy doing is dying, and I can feel myself pretty much mentally shutting down. I can't trust my friends here, and I know that if they continue down this current road, I will have to see them die. I've been borderline suicidal pretty much since 09, and it just continues to worsen no matter what route I take to try to improve my life, and please believe I've tried them all. I'm 20 now and still alone, every girl I start to get attached to fucks me over in a big bad way. This I can deal with I guess, I'm more used to being alone than anything else, still, it sucks. I live inside my own mind way too much, I'm at the point where I'll get blasted on just about anything to escape reality. Do not confuse that last line with addiction or a drug problem, I have no tolerance for anything but pot and no addiction to anything but nicotine, which I could axe...I simply don't give a fuck enough to quit, I need those 2 minutes of peace I get when I spark up and talk to my cigarette. I have just been down every road and hit every dead end at this point that escaping reality is the only thing I care about if I'm not going to kill myself, which I would much rather do at this point. I can feel the stress in knots all over my neck and my back, and the stabbing knives and shards of broken glass I can constantly feel digging across my brain as if Freddy Kruger's glove were shredding it to bits. I'd use pain to escape it, but I've got enough scars on my hands and arms from lit cigarettes. I don't need more, my family worries enough as it is. It's times like this I miss my brother the most and wish I could talk to him. It sucks going through this kind of thing, but it sucks even more when NOBODY understands it, and you're completely lost at sea and stranded alone. There is no longer life in my eyes, no spark, nothing. I look as if I'm already dead, I can't even stand to be around mirrors. What this all boils down to I guess, is that I'm at the point where I just don't care anymore, at all, about anything, and that's when you know you've truly hit your breaking point. I'm miserable, and I have no way out. Not even killing myself because I'd feel too goddamn guilty if I did. I'm tired, really really tired.
- Man 2012-07-16 21:44:45 I need to get back in the game.
- So much goings on... 2012-06-19 18:19:35 So much...I am still alive and kicking. Lots of music stuff, editing stuff, blargh, I'm tired as shit.
JOURNAL: dreamawake (Joey Dreamawake Schartner)
Current server time: Dec 26, 2024 04:44:03