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dreams
2007-03-12 13:37:47
I had a disturbing dream this morning. Do you ever remember things in your dreams that you're certain never really happened? Things you must have dreamt before, multiple times in detail, until a new dream can reference them as cleanly as if they were actual memories of your life? I can't explain it well enough without examples.
I had a dream where I was telling someone about my past. The school I graduated from, and how for the last two years I was sent to two other schools to take the classes - even though technically I was still registered to the first school. My Junior year I went to one in the middle of town, which involved getting lost and missing the first few days of classes because I was wandering up and down blocks trying to find it. Senior year it was a big college campus and I would stay there late so I could stretch out on this flat statue/podium thing they had by the front steps - it was a stone platform of sorts near the sidewalk and the parking lot, and I'd lay on my back on it and just stare up at the stars. All of these memories were incredibly vivid - I remember the platform especially well because I ended up sneaking out there sometimes on the weekend just to stargaze.
None of those memories are things that really happened to me. I realized that once I woke up, but the memories are still incredibly vivid. I can recall things about that first school - the one where I got lost and wandered up and down the narrow little streets and alleys - that weren't mentioned in the actual dream. But that school never existed and I certainly never played hooky to talk to strangers raking leaves off their back yards and asking for directions to my new school. I remember what the school looked like when I finally found it - but again, that wasn't mentioned in the "flashback dream" and the school never actually existed.
I have no idea where those memories came from. If they were previous dreams of mine, I must have had them sequential, in great detail, to remember them so clearly. I must have had those dreams, forgot I had them, and then had a new dream that remembered all the various "storyline" dreams I had about those two schools. How the hell does that happen?
It's not the first time I've remembered previous dreams in a new dream and fought over which was real - the "dream memories" or my real-life-actually-happened memories. I tend to forget my dreams after I wake up, even the really detailed ones. I figure that's natural. But I guess my subconscious remembers all of them - well enough to incorporate them as the "past" in new dreams.
That's rather freaky. I never recall my actual past in dreams, so my mind uses past dreams to form my "history". I guess that goes along with the idea of dreams being ways for the brain to keep itself entertained while the body is refreshing itself through sleep. Personally I find it disturbing in a Matrix-esque way. It screws me up. I spent an hour after I woke up trying to figure out which "memory" was real. I still remember how that stone platform felt on the back of my arms. It's hard to admit it never existed outside of dreams...
Past life = dream life? If all people's dreams can connect and reference each other that clearly, I wouldn't be surprised. -
qc for Ego Trip
2007-03-11 17:07:50
2007-03-10 11:34:37 its in no way funny, nor is it very professionally made
My first thought = Was it *supposed* to be professionally made? I never said a word in the description about professionalism. In fact, I think I was very clear about how casual and pointless the video was in the vid description:
"There's no real point to this video aside from having fun with a lot of hot bishonen, to a song that just begs for a various amv. It's random, includes some of my characteristically gaudy effects, and a very hapazard hand at action sync."
Not a word about it being "funny", not a word about it being professionally made. So there's not much I can say in response to the feedback besides - "I know. Next time read the vid description so you'll know what you're downloading."
I feel kind of bad now. Some poor random downloader expected my editing to be professional. I laugh, but wince, too, in sympathy. If that vid struck you as unprofessional, God help you if you download any of my quicker projects. I hate false advertising. This vid promised just what it delivered - random, gaudy, and hapazard. And the "fun" involved was on my end, I had fun with it. I never promised the viewer would. ^.^ -
over 800 dls
2007-03-11 03:15:18
Ego Trip (2005-04-19) indirect (139) LOCAL (4866)
Too Much Anime (2003-10-01) LOCAL (4685)
Animal Attraction (2004-05-11) LOCAL (4586)
In Your Arms (2003-04-21) Direct (278) LOCAL (4418)
~.~ All multi-anime vids, naturally ~.~
Spicy Tantei (2004-07-02) LOCAL (2845)
My Heart (2004-01-03) LOCAL (2219)
Splashin (2003-05-29) LOCAL (2203)
Nature's Child (2003-04-05) LOCAL (2121)
Sufferance (2003-11-03) LOCAL (2039)
For the last time (2003-09-09) LOCAL (1941)
Fallen (2003-07-25) LOCAL (1925)
You're the One (2003-05-04) LOCAL (1737)
Real (2003-05-25) LOCAL (1711)
In Love (2003-06-19) LOCAL (1682)
For My Friends (2003-04-03) LOCAL (1663)
Falling in Love (2003-05-13) LOCAL (1625)
Forbidden (2003-10-17) LOCAL (1617)
Rest in Pieces (2003-08-28) LOCAL (1594)
Melody (2004-02-18) LOCAL (1593)
Suicide (2003-06-24) LOCAL (1581)
Beautiful People (2003-05-20) LOCAL (1565)
Power of Love (2003-04-03) LOCAL (1538)
Obsession (2003-11-13) LOCAL (1500)
Because the Night (2003-04-23) Direct (108) LOCAL (1488)
Innocent Love (2004-02-13) LOCAL (1480)
Breathless (2004-09-04) LOCAL (1450)
Free Spirits (2003-12-05) LOCAL (1415)
Tears on a River (2003-09-20) LOCAL (1391)
Shades of Love (2003-11-09) LOCAL (1350)
YYH: Tournament Special (2004-04-16) LOCAL (1347)
Blood Fetish (Karasu vs. Kurama) LOCAL (1307)
Don't Wake Me (2003-09-26) LOCAL (1264)
It Was Love (2003-09-01) LOCAL (1256)
Gmen: Awakening (2004-10-16) LOCAL (1248)
Solitary; a Sailor Saturn Tribute (2004-04-10) LOCAL (1182)
Bossy Brunettes (2003-10-12) LOCAL (1162)
Attrition (2004-04-03) LOCAL (1157)
Denial (2004-03-11) LOCAL (1157)
I'll Wait for You (2004-02-01) LOCAL (1079)
No Need (2003-06-27) LOCAL (1052)
Enduring Love (2004-08-15) LOCAL (1047)
Torn (2003-11-21) LOCAL (1023)
Stay with Me (2003-07-31) LOCAL (1002)
Nightmare (2003-10-09) LOCAL (943)
Star Crossed (2004-03-14) LOCAL (931)
And Ever (2003-08-24) LOCAL (874)
Destiny (2004-05-25) LOCAL (858)
Guilty Pleasure (2005-12-18) LOCAL (855)
Gleam (2004-02-07) LOCAL (841)
Believe in Us (2004-06-02) LOCAL (840)
Living the Dream (2004-12-25) LOCAL (813)
I'm not bored, just curious. It helps that most of my vids are from 2003 and 2004 - they've had about 4 years to accumulate downloads.
What did I learn from this?
Multi-anime vids get downloaded. Multi-anime comedy vids get downloaded more.
Ego Trip has been downloaded too many times for how recent it is.
My most recent video, Sleepless, had over 700 direct downloads before I put it on local and removed the link. Tsubasa is a good anime for getting quick downloads.
I made way too many frickin videos in 2003. I'm glad I took half of them off local so I can't see how many downloads they'd accumulated.
Only five of my 2003 videos were beneath 1000 downloads.
The YYH videos I got the most reviews on have the fewest downloads (Spicy Tantei is the exception). Conclusion = vids that are rarely downloaded get more feedback?
5 out of every 8 downloaders leave a star score.
The vids I worked hardest on get the fewest downloads (multi-anime vids are the exception).
The vids I like the best have under 200 downloads per year on the org.
I haven't released a vid in 6 months.
The idea of 1000+ people having watched something I made scares the crap out of me. I'm going to tell myself half of those stats are duplicate downloads by the same people.
I'm scared to think how many downloads popular videos get.
As long as Ego Trip is the most downloaded vid I have, I'll be fine. It's not a bad vid. I still like watching it. And it was con-worthy. It got submitted to a con besides Yaoi-con and won (though I didn't give permission for that, didn't get notified of it until after the fact, and would NEVER have allowed it if I'd been asked).
/idea-slash-blame for those stats go to JaddziaDax
And now for random journalness. I'm listening to the theme song from Sorcerer Hunters. I forgot how much I like this song - Oh my darling, I love you. I've been reading the one manga volume I have (the last one) and wishing they hadn't screwed up Marron in the anime. Making him so old and tall. Asshats. He's a pretty young thing in the manga. At least we have the ovas. So pretty. ^___^
I'm off to edit angsty yaoi to Linkin Park now. Wish me luck. -
UFO excerpt from my local paper
2007-03-07 17:54:04
POLICE: 'UFO' PROBABLY A PLANE
A strange object emitting greeen-and-white light was seen hovering early Sunday evening over southeastern Warrick County.
At least one person called the Warrick police dispatch center after seeing the object around 6:30 pm over the Yankeetown and Red Bush areas.
But Warrick County officials believe it most likely was not out of this world at all.
Warrick County Sheriff's Department Chief Deputy Brett Kruse, who also saw it, said it probably was just an airplane.
Kruse was driving when a call came over the scanner about the object, so he looked up and saw what appeared to be a distant airplane.
And that, he said, easily could be mistaken for what people traditionally think of when they talk of UFOs or alien spacecrafts. An airplane circling through a small area might appear to be hovering from a distance.
"If it's moving in a holding pattern, it's going to look like it's sitting still," Kruse said.
Deputies went to a house in the area after a woman called dispatch. But Kruse said by the time they arrived about 10 minutes later, whatever it was had gone.
"There was nothing to see," Kruse said. "And there were no cows missing out of the field or anything lik ethat."
Kruse watched the object for about 15 minutes until it started moving to the north end of the county.
He said he is fairly confident it was just a plane, but he stopped short of saying he was absolutely certain.
"All I know is what I saw, and I saw what looked like a plane," he said. "Now, I'm not sure it was a plane. But that's what I would think it would be from my experience and 45 years of watching stuff in the sky. I haven't ever seen any flying saucers."
.
.
.
Now I don't know what to laugh at the most. The "no cows were missing" line, or the "45 years of watching stuff in the sky" from a man who didn't notice the thing until the radio told him to look up.
What the article fails to mention, because they take it for granted, is that this is the country. When you see an airplane in the sky, you can watch it for nearly an hour before it gets out of sight. I'm sure a jet could get out of sight in half that time. I know of no "admitted" aircraft fast enough to disappear in 10 minutes. Especially if it were so far away "it appears to be hovering from a distance" when really it was circling a small area. The further away a plane is, the longer it takes it to travel out of sight in open country. If it went up, yeah, it would be too far away to see, but he said he watched it head for the north end of the county.
It's just a funny article. I can't help but wonder if the officer was just playing with blatant denial when he made his comments. "I'm not sure it was a plane, but that's what I would think it would be" - automatically because "circling planes" are what people think of when they talk about UFOs - and he's been watching the sky forever and all he ever sees are circling planes.
I'm going to start looking for circling planes now. Funny thing about living in the country. You can follow the path of a plane by the white snake-like cloud it leaves behind. A circling plane like the one described in this article would have left smoke donuts. Seeing that would be as cool as spotting an airplane that let off a green and white light. ^_^;; -
gurgle
2007-02-26 18:19:42
Non-yaoi made yaoi MEP:
http://www.animemusicvideos.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=77354
They need more guys to volunteer to make short crack vids. Just think of it as buttsecks take 2 and go join up.
Me, I'm already getting cold feet and I won't even start ripping footage till this weekend. It's just not right - I've been making straight guys gay since my very first vid, how could I *not* participate? And there's plenty of time to finish up my current vid and experiment with the project.
It's just, yeah, that old "does not play well with others" bit. I've only considered joining an MEP once - I backed out during the first meeting when I was told the specifications for the files (I was using wmm, the coordinator promised that wouldn't be a problem when he talked me into participating - HE came to ME - and then the first thing he said to the group was no wmm). I dropped out, he resented me for a year or two, and I swore never to go near another MEP.
Responsibility is scary. I don't like expectations I may not meet.
On the other hand, I've been planning to do this vid for a while now. I'll be making it because I want to, I'll just be submitting a chunk of it to an MEP when it's finished. No big deal, right? It's not like the thread said anything about you having to make a *good* video to participate. If he doesn't like it, he doesn't have to use it. ^_^
My stomach still churns at the fact that I promised deliver something I haven't even started working on. That's stupid. Even if I do end up doing what I want with the vid, it still won't take more than two months to rip and edit. Maybe I'm just reluctant because I volunteered one of my pet songs for a group project.
JOURNAL: Arigatomina
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