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amused, slightly sarcastic, faintly queasy
2007-02-16 14:40:26
Why is the org catering to lazy idiots?
That's my question of the day and I've only been awake for half an hour. I remember a time when idiots where shown their folly with a bold red underlined FU, preferably on their first post. That gave them a chance to realize they were being stupid, and to rectify the problem. Idiots can learn if they try. Lazy idiots shouldn't be tolerated any more than those morons who post multiple "where can I download" threads because they're too stupid to learn, and too lazy to take their stupidity to a different site.
I have no problem with stupid people. Idiots lack certain brain cells that make learning more difficult for them. They're to be pitied and put into special classes where the answers are given to them an hour before the test. If they're too lazy to memorize the answers, well, they get flunked for being lazy idiots. Even the sweet little teacher who talks in baby speak to the idiots knows that lazy ones can't be helped. They're shunted to the back row and left to drool their way through while the dedicated idiots get led by the hand. There's no point leading someone too lazy to walk, or spoonfeeding someone too lazy to swallow.
Or maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it's not a matter of these idiots being lazy. Maybe they're simply too retarded to know what effort is, let alone how to put it forth. In that case, they'd be the severely crippled brain-dead one curled in the wheelchair in the corner. You know the one. She'll drool and stare blankly at everything for hours before suddenly screaming or moaning or gargling loud enough to disrupt the class. The nurse will hurry over to take her chair and wheel her out of the room, to change her diaper or spoon feed her something, before she gets worked up to the point of harming herself. They can't get rid of her because the state thinks even those incapable of speech or thought deserve to sit in on classes. But they don't fool themselves that she'll learn anything, because she's incapable of it. She's lucky if she remembers to breathe while she's chafing from her own drool. They'll wipe her mouth and her ass, as nice as you please, and do their best to keep her away from loud classes that might terrify her into having a seizure. They'll do it because the law says they have to, not because they believe years of nodding in the corner will teach her anything.
The org is not a school. We have no obligation to accept everyone, no matter how severe and lamentable their retardation is. Even lazy idiots can be motivated to run if you crack the whip loudly enough. That drooling girl in the corner, Maria or Johnathan or whoever it was you had in the corner of *your* classes, won't gain anything but the resentment and pity of her so-called peers. I know why the social workers of the org feel obligated to lead the idiots around by the hand. If they can motivate them to try, they'll become less stupid with time. The lazy idiots, and the severely retarded, can't be saved with nothing more than a little coddling. If you want to keep them, show them the whip or keep them quiet in the corner where they won't disturb the rest of the class. They won't gain anything from being here, but you can go right on feeling good about your cheritable self. Just keep in mind that you're now responsible for them, they require constant supervision, and you won't be paid nearly as much as a registered nurse.
This is an online website. The forum is reliant entirely on typed words. Reading is a prerequisite. We have members who speak a variety of foreign languages, babblefish to translate the rest. There's no excuse for posts that read like the garbling English-ish sounds my two year old niece slurps out when she's excited. We don't have an age cut off, but we should at least have an intelligence cut-off. If you can't read or speak, you have no business on the internet, let alone on a forum dedicated to making amvs.
My cat likes amvs, too, but I don't let her near my keyboard. Why? Because she can't communicate in a human language. We have enough trouble trying to translate words that look like the English language. Imagine translating posts composed entirely of meows and nyas and rowling sounds. The only thing you'd understand are the inevitable kitty-smileys. Which members of the org does that remind you of?
Nya mrowowl meow-rowl nya. =^.^=
That's what I thought. -
yawn meet world
2007-02-14 02:31:48
The cat woke me up. It was just standing there by the couch meowing its fool head off. I tossed it outside. Then I glanced at the clock and saw it was just past midnight. Oh. Well, sorry, then. Welcome to the earth to you, too. Scratch when you want back in.
I'm officially 3 years from 30 now. Is that depressing? I haven't decided. My brother hit thirty in December and I found it drepressing because I'm only 3 yrs younger than him and I feel like a teenager. I look it, too, if you ignore the long white hairs growing more common from my temples. It's strange how they gather there, right alongside my face. If I had bangs, they'd be half populated with pure white hairs. I wonder if I'll get my first gray before I'm 30 or if I'll just wake up one morning to find my entire head has gone white, and not just a few prominent strands around my face. I wish I could count the whites and catch a new one turning. White hairs don't grow, you know, they just turn overnight. It makes me wonder how many my mom has, but she's been dying her hair so long the roots are more gray-blonde than white before the next rinse.
I think a full head of pure white hair would be pretty on a 45 yr old. I'm not so sure about having half a head of white, half of dark brown. My hair isn't dark walnut anymore, it's burnt sienna, like the crayon, with random white making the entire thing look a drab blackish gray. I don't think it goes with my complexion. ^^;
I finished reading book 5 of King's Dark Tower series yesterday. I had to reread books 2-4 first (never liked the first one). I don't think book 5 is very good. I thought book 4 was horrible, almost entirely flashbacks of characters we knew would die before the first paragraph closed - because it was a flashback and everyone from that time has been dead since book 1. Why do that? Book 5 was predictable with a subplot taken from another of his books, self serving and gratuitous, and very obvious about being so. Why do that? He snagged something from a Harry Potter book that was obvious long before he got around to naming it, as if the joke hadn't fallen flat chapters before the punchline. Why do that? King is depressing. I haven't liked one of his new books in a very long time. I wonder, do all prolific writers fall out and keep plodding along without knowing they've lost the touch? That's a depressing thought. I hope someone tells me when that happens. I'll fight it, and then I'll be horribly upset, but I'd rather know before the fall out is so obvious even dedicated readers read the new stuff and cringe.
I'm still doing ops, but only one or two a night. I got distracted with the reading. Those old books are as enjoyable now as they were then, and reading gets me to writing. I may get another amv rush this weekend. I'm in no hurry. Writing is still my favorite passtime, but I forget how much I enjoyed reading. I went digging through the back room with a flashlight looking for my old favorite books, something to read next. And I realized those books were never mine. They were my mom's, taken from her big shelf of hardbacks. I gave her a list of books to bring to work with her, but I've been forgetting to remind her daily till she remembers to bring them. I wish the library didn't close so early. I hate waiting for Saturday when I want to read a book right now.
I made a dvd of amvs to play on my tv. The kid loves music, so those kept her happy most of the day. It turns out if I keep the volume low you won't hear the music in the office downstairs, but it's loud enough that the kid can jabber to itself and hop around, and I can work on my computer and listen to the vids and almost forget she's over there. Nice.
I'm still looking forward to summer when I can cut out on the family obligation crap and get a real job. Working again will be strange, but I'm a packrat. It shouldn't take long to save up enough to quit for half a year and still have money for bills. Next time I'll stand my ground when my sister whines "you're home anyway, watch my kid!" What's the point of working and saving money for a "jobless vacation" if I end up being an unpaid babysitter living off my own savings? Ridiculous. That's what happened last time. I did the free babysitting till I ran out of money (kids are fucking expensive, diaper wasting garbage disposals, the thing eats three times what I spend in a week for myself). Then I was stuck without enough money to coast while looking for a new job so it was easy for them to drop me a paycheck for watching the kid (as if the previous months of free labor meant nothing). Now I can barely mention the fact that it's not a permanent setup without my sister crying "but I don't want a stranger watching my kid!" Too bad, bitch. Once I'm out, that's it. Never again.
In the meantime...
Yeah. I guess I'm not depressed at being woken up by my cat and finding out I'm 3 yrs from 30. That's ancient, sure, but only on paper. I still get carded for cigarettes. ;p -
hey
2007-02-10 00:55:23
I writing ops! 0.0 I know, shocking isn't it?
Just quickie-ops. I download, I watch, I write my first impression, I click send.
It's very simple, but kind of fun.
Let's have a race. See how many I can do this weekend before I forget how simple it is and go back to viewing each op like a report I don't want to write until the very last second before the deadline.
It's now 11:51 by my clock. I started at 10:00 and have 3 ops down.
That's 1.5 ops per hour, including download and viewing/reviewing time.
I'm not tired.
I'm going through my old op threads and tagging people I know don't mind getting an op from me. When I get through them I'll be in trouble.
There may be a free op thread at the end of this little thing. Scary, huh?
Okay, the next vid is finished downloading. Click the timer.
And we're off! ;p
-
heh
2007-02-09 05:00:56
I got my new portable dvd player the other day. Three weeks after I ordered it, but that's fine. I burned a dvd of vids, from my most recent to the oldest that would fit, and tried watching it. It's funny - the audio sounds horrible on those tiny little speakers, much worse than my computer. But it's fun to watch. I can write and work on the comp and 'watch' amvs at the same time. ^^
I'm still not editing, but I think I'm closer now. I've been in a good mood lately - actually writing again, actively. Really warm and satisfied, that self-motivation thing I only get when I'm eagerly working on each new chapter as soon as I finish the last one. I'm gonna let that bubble and maybe it'll drip over onto amvs later. I've been wanting to use that "random amv" link to do ops, after dropping a few to people I owe. Watching is the first step to making, assuming my mood is a good one.
I was reading that "what kind of ops do you want" thread in the forum. It's finally gotten to the "any op is better than none" stage. That always seems to come up eventaully. People comment about how "random strangers" almost never leave ops. And I sit here and wonder if I'm an exception, spoiled, or if I just don't realize how many ops other people are getting from their friends and neighbors. I don't get a lot of ops if I don't make new vids, but I get regular ops every few days. From random strangers. It's been like that for years. Those things really accumulate after a while, and I keep getting them even after the vids are older than sin. Almost all of my ops are from non-forum-going strangers. I don't do exchanges often, I don't review my friends' vids unless I have to, so I'm entirely reliant on random strangers for feedback. There's only one or two people I actually know who review my vids - one of them because he reviews everything he downloads.
I guess once you make a certain number of vids, chances are good at least one of them will get a random op every other day. I'm still gonna consider myself spoiled. After all, I see really good editors in the forum - people who make het vids to popular anime, action vids, effect vids, really popular and well-edited vids - and they're not getting unsolicited random ops but I am? Heh. That's pretty cool. I haven't made a vid in 5 months and I still won't go two days without getting feedback from someone. That's not counting QCs.
Yeah, I'm inflating my head. It's my journal, I can if I wanna. I like to say I'm easily satisfied, so it's funny when I blink and realize I'm actually quite spoiled in reality.
Makes me want to do those random vids even more - since I'm getting them, I should be doing them. I'm just so far behind that "give as many ops as you receive without lowering your word count" that it seems futile. Need to be succinct. Short. Watch it, write about it, click send and download the next one. Yeah. That's do-able.
Now if someone could just explain to me why every "random video" I get is an Inuyasha/Kagome video, I'd be all set. I don't care what I say, there can't be *that* many of the darn things. Ack. Still in a good mood. I just have to keep clicking the random button till I get a vid I can actually see myself sitting through. ;p -
whine whine sniffle whine
2007-02-04 20:09:15
Whining makes me feel better.
My aunt came down this weekend
[down? Ohio to Indiana would be over not down]
and I was on my second day of being sick that Thursday. Yeah, same damn sickness I always get. I'm sure I described it in detail on my journal the last time I got it
[was that only a few months ago? seems to be getting more frequent]
so I won't elaborate too much. Thursday night I was in the "I feel drugged up" stage, a little temperature, a sensative throat, trying desperately not to cough so I could avoid that "raw wet meat" sensation. I have to admit I rather like the second day. It's heady, kinda nice, not real, and as long as I don't cough it doesn't really hurt.
My aunt showed up Friday morning. Yeah. Just walked right on into my apartment. I leave the door unlocked on the weekdays so the kid's mom
[my sister, don't remind me]
can come in instead of standing outside knocking for ten minutes while I get the kid ready. My aunt says she thought there was another door at the top of the stairs - that she wouldn't have come right in if she'd known that was the only door to my apartment. I heard her coming up the stairs. I tore out the carpetting a while back so every step with shoes on is very, very loud. I was napping on the couch. That was the third day of the sickness and it was starting to get nasty. Around 100.8 instead of that "heady but nice" 99.5 range. The kid was napping and I was taking advantage of that. I heard someone walking up the stairs and I jumped up and looked - saw her when she reached the top - and I blinked and blurted "What the fuck are you doing here?" She'd laugh about that later when recounting it to my mother.
I entertained her, one of her kids (the youngest one, who I didn't even recognize), and one of her kid's friends (never seen that one before). Mostly I just sort of sat there and watched them fuss over the retard baby. "She's going on three and she doesn't talk yet?" Yeah. Like I care. I'll be happy if it never learns to talk. It'll be easier to keep the thing quiet that way. Eventually my mom showed up. She's got this new habit of coming in through my door instead of the one to her office. Something about the door to her office being loose so the wind blows it open. Her secretary gets in early and locks the door from the inside so it won't blow open. Then my mom has to either knock or come in through my door to get into her office. Since I leave the door open for Jessica, she uses my door now. I've complained about that a lot, but she keeps doing it. I wonder why I bother paying rent.
My aunt went away in the afternoon - rented a hotel to sleep for the day since they'd been driving all night. My sister decided to play around for a few hours after work so I didn't get rid of the kid till 7pm. Great. Another 14 hr day and I don't get overtime.
I was out of it by then, though. Just sort of sleeping on my desk. I had my fuzzy winter coat on, the hood up because the back of my neck kept getting the shivers. I checked the kid out earlier - nice normal 95.4 - but I was up to 103.2 by then. It's funny how comfortable I was. I had my legs folded in my twirly chair like usual, but I'd pushed the chair away from the desk so I could drop my forehead on it. The hood made a nice little padding and I was really out of it. I'm glad I scared the kid into staying in its cage when I'm at the desk. If it had realized I was asleep
[sort of]
it would have been getting into everything. Then my sister finally got around to calling me "I had to go get water with Bobby!" like I hadn't already noticed she was 4 hrs late. I'm glad she called, though. If she'd just knocked on the door I would have jumped and fallen out of the chair. I got rid of the kid and spent the rest of the night slumped over my desk. It's weird how that works. I tried sleeping on the couch - sitting up and sort of reclining over the back of it. Didn't work. Maybe it was too comfortable or something. Maybe it's the idea of being at the desk that makes the difference. I didn't wake up drowning once that night because I never got so loose and comfortable that I was really asleep.
Then Saturday came. Saturday was a bitch. All day long I wanted something to eat, something to drink, medicine, damn it all. I got dressed three times with the intention of marching myself outside and digging my car out of the snow so I could make a trip to a gass station, the dollar store, anyplace that might have drugs or juice. Every time I got as far as the stairs and decided I'd rather curl up on the floor and hyperventilate until I wasn't thirsty or drug-hungry anymore. I drank lots of coffee. I did little searches on my computer and found out coffee is really bad for you if you have a cold, a sore throat, or a fever. Oops. I drank it anyway. I had an insane craving for pickle juice. I started taking shots of A1 sauce because the spices in it did some wierd thing to my throat - made it go numb and loose like I'd just overdosed on cough drops. I swear Saturday morning lasted forever. I don't know if I really slept the night before, but it felt like days went by before noon came around and people started calling me.
My brother wanted me to come over. I told him to go fuck himself. I know it doesn't matter to anyone else how sick I am. The one time I went to a hospital the doctor listened to my rattling car engine breathing, sneered at me, and gave me expensive cough medicince while explaining to my mother that it was all in my head. So unless I actually suffocate and die - and have a doctor pronounce me dead - no one in my family will ever believe I'm actually not feeling well. I get it. I still refuse play nice with them when they're being asses about it. My aunt came over sometime that afternoon. I'd finally got up the nerve to go shopping. There's a Nobles food store next door, a dollar store on the other side of it. I stocked up on orange juice, pickle juice, and for some reason I got milk and sugar, too. I don't remember getting the sugar, or the coffee, and I could *swear* I got a thing of honey but it wasn't in the bags when I got back home. I sort of forgot to get medicine, but I don't actually like to take drugs so that's fine. My aunt was sitting in the driveway when I got home. I'd locked my door. Oops.
She was going to go out drinking with my sister. It was 3pm and they were already planning to go bar hopping. Did I want to go? Um, let me think. I stared at her, and at the two girls sitting on my couch. And said "Who's going to watch the kid?" And who'd have guessed? No one had thought of that. For fuck's sake, I was the one who couldn't even think straight enough to remember what I was buying at Nobles - and I was the only one who remembered the fucking kid? Christ. My aunt smiled at the girls and said they could stay at the hotel and watch her
[her = the kid, it's female]
and the girls naturally protested. They're 15. They wanted to stay at my place and hang out at the MySpace website picking up pedophiles. As if. I hate people touching my computer. So my aunt says I could stay at the hotel with them
[and the kid]
and since I'm not feeling too well I'd probably like that. I could have a nice soak in the bathtub. Glower. Nice move on her part, pointing out my constant resentment at the fact that my apartment has a tiny shower and no tub. But I wasn't out of it enough to be tricked. I refused. Aren't I so mean? Just because I'm not feeling well, that's no excuse to be mean. I should have been happy to watch the kid while they went out drinking. Right. Eventually she realized I wasn't going to change my mind. She left the girls with me while she went into the office downstairs to visit
[bug]
my mom. It's tax season. I like my aunt, but she's not the brightest bulb in the box. I gave the girls some carrot cake
[another thing I don't remember buying, wtf]
and finally they left. I passed out on the couch immediately. My brother called sometime later and wanted me to go to KFC for him. He said they'd share the food with me if I went and picked it up for them. Honestly, I just sat there with the cell phone, my mouth open, a blank expression on my face. Eventually he said my name too many times for me to keep pretending he hadn't spoken. I told him "No, bye" and hung up. Then I went to the bathroom and coughed till I puked. I made it back to the couch and went back to that not-quite-sleeping place where people aren't apallingly stupid. My aunt came by later. I don't know what time it was. I didn't hear her come up the stairs so I must have still been half out of it. I remember staring at her where she was standing at the top of the stairs. It was dark because I was sleeping. Fuck knocking, I guess. She didn't say anything for a while
[probably couldn't see anything]
then she came over and said something about medicine or some crap. Like no one had tipped her off about the whole "she's not sick, it's all in her head" thing. I don't think I said anything to her, but I remember her leaving. She stumbled over something by the desk. Maybe a shoe. I slept pretty nice after that. Woke up off and on, awake enough to hack up some substance and drop back down. I had some weird continuous dream about a world where only one word exists - the word kept changing every time I dropped back to sleep, but it was always just one word. It was funny. Once the word was 'Sasuke' - maybe that was my turn to decide the word and I picked it. Once the word was 'worm' and I refused to use it until it changed to a different word - the power was all in speaking the word because the word was the only thing that existed in the world at that time. Had to speak it.
I must have been doing things that night that I don't remember. I woke up in the bedroom this morning, Sunday. I don't remember getting off the couch. I changed, too. I went to bed in the clothes I'd been wearing, pants, and woke up in a dress. Yeah, it's funny. It's a comfortable onepiece black thing, very light and simple, comfortable. I'd never wear it outside. I guess I got hot and changed into it - then I got cold and went to the bedroom where I'd have the blanket to curl up under. I still had my heavy fuzzy coat on, though. I woke up all sweaty and yucky, no more fever, with someone knocking on the bedroom door. That was disturbing - the knocking. I guess maybe she'd tried knocking on the front door and I hadn't heard it. It was one of those girls, the niece I didn't recognize at first
[because she died her pretty natural pale blonde hair all dirty brown]
and she wanted to play on my computer while her mom visited in the office downstairs. I was like, "Yeah, fine, go for it, for a while, anyway." She'd brought a bottle of pale blue stuff, Tylenol on the bottle, but it looked like Nyquil or something. I chugged some of it and stood around for a while. It's weird how uncomfortable I am in my apartment when someone else is sitting in my twirly chair. On my computer. Eventually they finished with their MySpace updates and went to the couch. I wonder how they stay content when my aunt doesn't have internet access at home. As obsessed as the girls seemed to be with MySpace, they must go stir crazy at home. After a while they left, my aunt too, on their way back home to Ohio. And wouldn't you know, my brother calls me up wanting me to come over and watch the Super Bowl with them. Christ.
I must be the only antisocial person in my family. The only one who doesn't like to socialize and drive all over town when sick. And I don't care what that doctor said when I was 13 and coughing up brown shit that didn't even resemble snot. If I get sick because that damn kid is sick, and I'm sick enough to give it to other people, contageous, then it has to be at least a little physical
[real]
and not just in my head. My relatives should be glad I was miserable enough to want to curl up and die till the fever passed. If I were more sadistic, I'd have been wiping my snotty hands all over them, coughing up in their personal space, and putting sloppy kisses on their cheeks. Let em call me rude and antisocial all they like. I think I'm fucking considerate to keep my nastiness to myself. At least for the weekend.
I'm on my way out of it now - no more fever, just the clogged throat. I'll be making the kid sicker than ever tomorrow morning. I hope it gives it to its mother, and she gives it to everyone she works with (including my brother, ha). Then I can call them and bug them while they're too out of it to defend themselves. ^_^
JOURNAL: Arigatomina
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