- 2002-06-11 22:28:47 Oh, and harrdani? Bluth had some other good bits, but you have to physically excise them out of the rest of the movie. Like "All Dogs Go to Heaven." I seriously think that film was built without an audience. Too dark for little kids, too many songs about sharing for adults. The scene in dog hell justified the movie for me.
-
"Been around the world and found that only stupid people are breeding..."
2002-06-11 22:21:54
You ever done something so phenominally stupid that it became your own secret shame? Something that happened to you alone or with complete strangers that you can keep from your normal group of friends? Something that bugs and humbles you whenever you get too full of yourself and makes you back off or collapse out of your self-confident shell? Well, I've got too many of those already, so I'm gonna go ahead and get this one out of the way.
One thing I really hate is when I've made some kind of schedule based on the assumption that I'll be spending another boring night alone, and promised some friend or another that I'll do something or be somewhere or be in a chat room or something, and then, outta the blue, I get invited out to dinner somewhere. Just something with friends from work and the like, but the idea of cancelling so that I could attend a chat room is just stupid. So I try to do both. Unfortunately, the resturaunt is pretty far off, so I have to drive fast to make it. And on the way there I get stuck behind this succession of imbeciles who can't find their turnoffs, so I try to get over a lane to the left. But what I don't see is this black car coming up in that lane, halfway through passing me, and, at that exact moment, sitting precisely in my blind spot. So I try to merge INTO him. And, get this, we crack rear-view mirrors. JUST the mirrors. I always wondered if that was possible. Absolutely no damage to me, but his mirror pops out and their's a tiny dent with some smudges just under the mirror. Not even the frame of the mirror is damaged. So, one traffic citation and a 40 minute wait later (most of which was waiting for all the paperwork to be filled out) I get to turn around and head back to my apartment. Made the chat room, but now I get to deal with my irate lab-mates tomorrow. Almost wish the guy hadn't been so nice and considerate about it. I could use someone other than myself to mentally beat-up over this. As if that wasn't bad enough, I had been congratulating myself for keeping an eye on my funds, so I celebrated when I tripped over a Borders DVD sale. 3 DVDs, $30. "Lord of Illusions" "The abomnible Dr. Phibes" and "The Dunwitch Horror." Then I plunked some more change into the Registry of a friend's wedding. (Maybe more than I should have.) The accident won't end up costing me anything since my car wasn't damaged, but, in principle, it was just at a bad time.
Stupid stupid stupid.
Anyway, some personal replies:
AbsoluteDestiny: Haven't seen any of the other Argento flicks, but the friends who lent me these have promised a few more, as they're big fans. Any suggestions as to what I should ask for?
Bowler: Bingo. I love that everyone knows which cartoon I talking about when I refer to it that way.
EK: Awwww. Let me at least argue the case first...
I may not actually review that one next, as it always depresses me for some reason, and I don't really need that now. -
"....BIT his HEAD off...like...a...GINGER...bread....man..."
2002-06-11 13:17:47
Fun with elipises. Heh.
Writing this during my lunch break, so I probably won't be able to finish it and will end up with another "ideas spread out over days" entry. Work has really been getting me down lately, although I confess it's my own procrastinating fault. Still don't want to talk about it.
Picked up a copy of Fangoria with my weekly comics infusion last Wed. (It may sound like horror is dominating my entire life...but it really isn't. It's just the topic I've chosen to meander about in this journal as the other stuff you'd really have to struggle to raise an interest in.) To be honest, I'd never actually bought a copy before, although I have many fond memories of leafing through issues in the B.Dalton's back in Bloomington, looking at all the cool halloween masks advertized on the back cover. Anyway, I was massively impressed for the first dozen or so pages. Mini-reviews, upcoming projects. Buncha stuff all crammed into a couple a' paragraphs. Then I hit the first feature article. Ugh. See, Fangoria has been around for, what, 18 years now? There's really only so much you can say about the film business before repeating yourself. The thing reads like a hollywood insider magazine...which, in retrospect, it what it really is, although most of the projects are far outside of hollywood. The mag has this massively self-concious feel to it. It knows that its press alone could sink one of these little small-timer movies, and a couple bad reviews could put a whole production company under. Therefore, it must be complimentary. I didn't find a single negative comment about either movie in the first two articals. Everything is "an homage to the old (fill-in-the-blank) films," or an hearkening back to a simpler, lower budget age. See, they can't talk about the story, because that would give away the scares and the twist endings. They feel obligated to mention each of the major actors, directors, SFX guys, etc. Only a few ways you can do that. So they end up talking about the sets, actors' stories, anecdotes, etc. And above all, they can't admit that "yeah, this flick is gonna suck, no one wants to be here, they all feel the director is a lush, they think this subject is beneath them, they're just trying to rebuild their resume after those AT&T ads scarred their public image for life (no, really), and the director is constantly telling us that it'll be fixed up in post-production."
The writing stinks too. The first two articles have exactly the same format. Begin with strange/scary scene from film, then back off to show production crew and SFX people standing to the side. Look to director, relate production history of film. I'm betting that was clever even the first dozen times it was used, but COME ON! Twice in a row? IN THE SAME ISSUE? Oh yes, and let's not forget the requisite Sports-illustrated interviews. Says female lead (from memory, can't find quote): "I've always hated those women in horror films that just scream and cower. I wanted my character to get in there and kick ass too!" I'm sorry, but much like the "We gave it 110%" comment, I wonder how many times that exact quote has shown up in these pages. (Even beyond that, the "women who always cower and scream" comment doesn't really apply anymore. I think the stereotype has actually reversed now, due to the penchant for the "damsel in distress" to hatchet the villan in the back during the climactic scene. Sure it doesn't happen every time...but at least 6/10. Men, on the other hand, have become progressively more useless in the scary flicks.) There is nothing more boring than listening to actors describe their characters. The director is usually more articulate on the matter, and actors are more likely to try and convince themselves that the film is an avant-garde cinematic masterpiece when it's about an invasion of giant spiders. (Eight-legged freaks.) Look, I'm gonna let you in on a secret or two here. Except in certain exceptional circumstances (such as Godzilla vs. Perry Mason) in giant mutated monster films, no one cares about the actors. We care about the MONSTERS. I mean, look at this: "My character has a quick temper...and gets into fights and loses his cool a lot. I wasn't sure where that came from, and then I stopped taking a moral approach to it. Thinking not the way I personally am-non violent- but more in movie terms. The guy has a lot of things on his mind and doesn't know how to express himself. When he feels attacked, or when he encounters some creepy guys in the world, he sort of lashes out. He fights fire with fire. That is something I had to come to terms with, but it wasn't a real issue. After going over the story, it made more sense to be a guy who is conflicted, and when he gets into a corner, he fights back like a spider would."
Oh jeez. YOU'RE IN A GIANT SPIDER MOVIE! WE DON'T CARE HOW CONFLICTED YOU ARE!
Now I have to go see this film. I'm hoping this guy gets eaten...
Of course, I could've just hit the two bad articles in the mag. I'll read through the rest of it and tell y'all what I think. At the very least, it did warn me of an upcoming continuation of the "Re-animator" - "From Beyond" sequence. (Similar subject matter, no story relation.) Apparently the same group is making a film out of HPL's "Dagon," although there are trepidacious mentions of a CG appearance for the title character. Could be cheesily bad in a good OR bad way. Similarly with an announcement of a "Ginger Snaps" sequal. *does a little dance*
Hell, at the very least, I should mention that the only reason I ever found the mag interesting as a kid was the pictures. Internal layout, images, and picture overlays are done masterfully throughout the mag. This might even become an "inverse playboy" for me. I only buy it for the pictures. :)
Ran into the first "Waxworks" (no, not House of Wax) this weekend on Sci-Fi. I then studiously avoided the sequal that followed it. This is the second time I've done that, and I've never actually seen more than a few seconds of Waxworks II. Why? Because of the ending of Waxworks I. I always forget how badly the thing gets scissored up for broadcast. The end of Waxworks I involves a steel-cage rumble royal between, among others, Jack the Ripper, two werewolves, a Dracula stand-in, Aubry I, an alien, sideshow freak, hatchet-weilding maniac, the living dead, a mummy, the Marquis de Sade, The Phantom of the Opera, a vodoo priest (or possibly Zulu warrior), a cannibal baby, and the requisite mob of torch-weilding angry villagers. This is prime schlock material, but every act of violence is snipped out when the movie is broadcast on TV, so it jumps around more than an epilleptic fit. ("Sir! Look out!" "Jenkins! Noooo!" What? What's going on?) Literally the entire 12-15 minute scene doesn't make any sense at all. If Waxworks II is any good I don't want to watch it edited in such a manner. I desperately and vindictively hate "edited for television" trends like this, but I suppose it's better than the show not making it on TV at all. At least the people get paid for Sci-Fi butchering up the flicks as opposed to just sinking into obscurity.
Well, once again I wander obsessively into the realm of reviewing horror flicks. Actually, I just need to finish with this one because I have to return it and "The Bird with the Crystal Plumage" to the friends I borrowed them from.
The flick this time is the Dario Argento commentary on the effects of murder mysteries on the minds of our youth..."Tenebrae." Similar to the previous movie, this one falls somewhere near the junction of slasher and Hitchcockian suspense/mystery, although the amount of gore edges it a bit closer to Leatherface's territory than "The Bird...". Much of what I said about the overall feel of the previous film applies as well here, although to differing degrees. The sound still has a subtle "off" nature in a few places, but it was usually less noticeable, and I think I only realized it was there because it was so pronounced previously. (Although the man in the bar is a particularly bad example.) The music, being that the film is in the early 80's, has that tint of disco that just won't wash out. The direction, cinematography, and writing was significantly better here, with only one item that I found a bit cliched. Many themes that I saw first in "The Bird..." are repeated here to a highly detailed degree, such that I'm assuming that they are running trends in Argento's films. Again, we get killer's-eye perspective, black leather gloves, a hoarsly androgenous whisper that preserves the killer's anonymity, pans of the killer's drafting table (literally), an obsession with open straight-razors, and remarkably long, pornographically obsessed killing scenes with fetishistic undertones.
The title itself means "Darkness" making it terribly non-descriptive of the story to come, which, naturally, is a requirement for horror/mystery flicks. (On the other hand, it was originally released in the US as "Unsane," a title corny as Kansas...or as the lousy early-80's pop tune the American producers dubbed over the closing credits without Argento's permission.) The story concerns a wildly popular foreign author (sense another theme here?) who arrives on a book tour in Italy with his new novel "Tenebre." Unfortunately, the author, Peter Neal (Anthony Franciosa...sort of a second or third tier leading star with a nasty temper) has developed a following of the rather fanatical sort. The kind who decides to go out and initiate a "live reading" of the rather darkly disturbing mystery novel. Of course, we don't see who he is, but he first corners a young woman in her apartment and ensures, at the edge of a razor-blade, that she really....uh....devours the material before he slits her throat. Mr. Neal is at first dismissive that the killings might have anything to do with his writing, but he quickly drops that attitude when he recieves little ransom-note style letters from his fan (bringing up a minor quibble I have with the film...there's no translation given for all the on-screen text).
The detective assigned to the case, Captian Germani (Guliano Gemma), is a big fan of Mr. Neal's (EVERYONE in this film reads avidly...), but is equally concerned as the body count starts to rise. The film itself begins pulling all kinds of stunts and tricks on the audience. I thought that I'd figured out who the killer was half a dozen times, only to suddenly have the suspect up and die on me (usually horribly) while the Hardy Boys are trying to sort it all out. Much of the film is spent with false "jumps" and all too "real" ones
The deaths this time around are much more gory and prolonged than in "The Bird..." One woman threatening suicide by pistol is helpfully "disarmed" by the killer and the resulting high-pressure spray paints the walls fairly evenly. A couple of guys catch repeated axe-blades, and the eventual death by modern art involves a gruesome impalation and a long screaming session. The worst (or most severe), in my opinion, is one fairly likeable girl from Mr. Neal's hotel who spends about twelve minutes being alternately chased and mauled by a doberman with REMARKABLE steeple-jump abilities. (Goes over sucessively higher fences to get at her.) I suppose that the deaths in general could have been worse, considering that the slit throats so many acquire here would only progressively slow one down over a few minutes if they didn't go into shock, instead of killing outright as they do here. The same goes for the "two stabs to the stomache=instant death" killing.
Interspliced within all of this are film clips that seem, at first, to be hallucinatory sequeces experienced by the (still unseen) killer. A partially-clad woman in bright red heels (they get lots of screen time) surrounded by a bevy of unidentifiable men (or their [clad] lower torsos, anyway) is shown on a beach as they are confronted by, and then savagely beat and torment a lone, younger figure...also unidentifiable. Filmed without sound, but with a spooky overlay track, and shot in a strangely anonomous manner, the scenes are strongly fetishistic in content and manner, to a greater degree than that seen in "The Bird..." It's only made weirder (and more uncomfortable for the audience) when, browsing through the bios in the "extra" menu, we find out that the actress in these scenes...used to be a man.
Following along themes established in "The Bird..." we again have presentations of homosexuality. While the male variety is only hinted at (look at the guy with the moustache and think of early 80's stereotypes), a lesbian couple get much more explicit exposure (on every level of the word) as they, again, fall victim to our mystery killer. The scenes with them are straight titilation for the audience, (further nudity and a short verbal cat-fight) but still contain some of the best cinematography of the film, including a long, unbroken camera pan scouring the outside of the building with meticulous care, and a fairly silly-looking clip where the killer breaks the lights with a tap from a straight-razor. Also, I think I can tell you without ruining the film that we return to the themes of "haunting of a murder from the past" and the "misunderstood witnessing of a murder" as key plot twists.
There are a bunch of other characters in the film, all fairly well developed, but too numerous to cover with any brevity. We'll just refer to them as "the suspects."
There are a few filming flaws to note, but they're pretty minor. One of the deaths by axe looks really fake, like there's a wood block under the girl's shirt that's being whacked, and then there's that cliched scene I mentioned. Can't really talk about it without giving away the story, but the moment I saw the hackneyed and entirely too convenient plot device, I thought "Oh come on, is this a cartoon?" Turns out I should've gone with my instinct.
In conclusion, a good "whodunnit" slasher-esque film superior in almost every way to the earlier "The Bird With the Crystal Plumeage," but much more disturbingly obsessive about the length and manner of the plentiful death scenes.
Next time: The reason we all forgive Don Bluth. -
"Will ya' talk, will ya' talk, will ya' talk talk talk..."
2002-06-07 12:00:21
Mechaman: Actually, I prefer the self-made critic over at www.brunching.com. I don't always agree with his assessment, but it spares me having to go out and see the mainstream releases I'm curious about but don't really want to see. (Much like the service I'm attempting to supply.)
Ahhhhh. Re-animator (based on the HPL classic "Herbert West: Reanimator."). I still remember the box that advertized the film as "the best horror film since "Killer Klowns from Outer Space." Some of the truly funniest scenes I've ever seen, and the first time I'd encountered an attack by the bad-guy's lower intestine. -
2002-06-07 10:04:51
Gahh. Terrible journal entry. Really should have re-read that a few times before entering it. Sorry all. (the parenthetical comment on straight-razors should have read "at least I assume so from these two MOVIES" not MURDERS.
Bleh.
JOURNAL: MCWagner (Matthew Wagner)
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