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hear
2003-10-16 20:45:09
i don't want to hear those words.. i don't want to be awake.. I don't want to..
I don't want to.. these songs.. breaking me..
here I am.. waiting again..
I don't know why I'm waiting..
I don't know what I'm doing..
I think it is best that if i let go of everyone.. and everything then everyone would be freed of the hassle that is me..
Errol.. stop lying to urself.. stop making me feel.. the more i feel the more lies there will be when I dissappear..
I don't know whats wrong with me..
ur getting too close..
fear...
ur getting too close to me..
fear...
u'll get hurt..
fear...
I want all pain to be mine..
fear...
don't make me safe.. don't make me happy.. don't do any of those sweet things for me.. ... I'm sorry..
fear..
I fear happiness.. I fear joy.. because they may all one day dissappear.. but most of all I fear myself..
the more I push away... the more it hurts..
I fear pain..
the more I fear it the more I create it..
let go..
then there is no fear.. no pain.. no joy..
sanctuary..
but a lie..
if I believe ... Errol is my joy..
and yet I am alone..
I fear being alone..
and yet I make myself lonely.. so the more I fear it.. the more I cause it..
I am alone :)
smile.. it is a sweet truth..
all pain can be made sweet..
all sorrow can be made sweet..
all joy can be made sour
I hate myself -
Nobuo Uetmatsu~You're not Alone
2003-10-16 06:31:57
doo dee doo doo doo doo dee doo doo...
me likes this track.. la la laa laa laa laa
erm.. must stop singing to it..
hmm nm been happening other than I jes got Yuna nidek figure where u tan take off her hands and put them on again.. woofles so cool~~! and theres the other set of hands that come with guns.. Also my friends have lent me lots and lots of anime...
blarrgh I'm not gonna sleep till.. (thinks about it) 3~! yaaay..
lately I haven't done any of my math hw.. I wonder how I shall die.. ^-^"" whhhaaaaat? Its what I always say... :P
So what? ME KNOWS HOW TO DOES THE WORK!
hahahhaa I know the way I say that is completely wrong. I rarely have punctuation in this journal.. XD But still I'm gonna pass English.. with high marks.. I have to get my marks into the 90's ... I'm still at an 83% average >=(
Errol No gives me that look! It's not good enough! >=( I want really high marks.. I want to get into artsy stuff and law.. but I can only choose one.. *sighs..
woofles.. lil more than 2 yrs till I grad! *does the crazy mei dance*
btw.. the slimes love you clem ray and everyone that are freaked out by em >=D
nex post I will include a link to teh slimes~~~!! -
Every LIttle thing~ Album: Every Best Single 2 Track 08
2003-10-14 19:02:14
I'm glad.. I know what I want! I know finally what I have to do.. listen to my heart..
if I don't hear it then I think I don't got one :3 -
O_O
2003-10-10 23:43:32
NO ONE LOVES ME HERE! ALL U PPL DON'T EMAIL ME OR COMMENT BOUT MY JOURNAL!!!.... everyone does it for Errol.. I suppose.. no one wants me to continue this journal then.. T^T
does anyone want me to unprivate my journal? cuz if they want to catch up on entries and stuff.. I'm willing to.. -
maybe I'm still here
2003-10-09 21:04:39
hmm looking at the past trying to find the future..
I realize that throughout this relationship.. I've always asked Errol to fall for someone else. When I stop trying he begins to notice Carolina or whatever again.. hmm.. If I stop trying to get Errol to leave me.. he will leave on his own I see... so if I stop trying now.. and slowly let go of everything ... maybe it would be easier to exist.. when I don't want to at all.. I don't want to try.. I don't want to be happy.. I don't want any of those things.. I don't want any of those things.. please stop trying to give me them.. please stop making me dream of them.. can't they just end like all sweet dreams do.. I don't want to be.. here.. I don't want to be.. anything at all.. *poofles*
JOURNAL: chutsupsei (ayu mai)
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