JOURNAL: chutsupsei (ayu mai)

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  • mew 2003-10-09 01:27:54 the day is but a dream.. the dreams of night are reality.. 
  • hmm 2003-10-09 01:27:29 today.. I failed my music test.. today I realized I'm trying to distant myself from everyone and stay lose at the same time..

    I don't know what I want..
    maybe it is best to be alone after all.
    all dreams end someday..
    this dream... it seems never ending almost..
    I must end it..
    I must end all joy..
    sorrow is the one thing that is not risky..
    it will stay always and eternal
    sure in and of itself..

    My dreams will end..
    may the path I now am on crumble..
    may everything be as it was wished to be..
    so long ago on that star faraway..
    may the dreamer wake up.. 
  • Math 2003-10-07 06:48:50 Everything is math

    Unfortunately I am behind by around 16 pages... JOY! 
  • -_- 2003-10-05 23:28:04 lack of communication..

    or.. jes miscomprehension.. blargh..

    Well we went to the concert last night.. and well I guess it was the beginning of the thing and I felt really left out.. Everyone is always making me feel that way lately.. I can be close to people but I am the most distant.. because I don't let whats inside out.. I let everyone have the perception that I'm a annoying bitch...

    Anyway.. I guess I was asking Karyn for pen.. but couldn't since she was too faraway so I asked clem to while we were sitting.. well then I was like eh well I don't want paper.. so well.. meh I guess I heard Clem wrong.. I dunno.. called me seeming like a villain and no karyn doesn't trust me.. moo..
    it's alright.. you people.. I can't call you friends anyway.. none of you know me for what I am.. you only know me for what I am ... in ur eyes..
    everyone is so prejudiced..

    I felt kinda broken for a moment.. and saw Jessica truly being able to become my replacement.. :3 Why do you all think I treat her so well? hahahaha.. the replacement for myself if I died.. meh.. I dunno.. what am I saying.. shes like a sister to me.. I treat her the way I would if I had a sister.. besides melanie is a pathetic excuse for a sister.. when jess ran off to get ray.. .. Melanie jes stood there not caring what may happen.. -_- I really hate being the only responsible one of us three.. (sighs)

    Well as it went on.. i couldn't focuse on the music.. I kept on hearing voices within calling me many things.. many many things.. That I know I am. I am thankful.. now that I didn't have to do much.. to make friends.. but now I have to be thankful.. that I didn't have to do much to lose them slowly.. one by one.. you will all dissappear.. then the loneliness will follow.. and then emptiness.. hmm dissappear.. dissappear.. dissappear... such a wonderful word..

    moo.. ne way I talked to Melanie that I would in the end break away from all the chains of friendship.. taht I would be free of these ppl that I call "close" I dunno what else i said.. but meh Melanie said that I heard CLem wrong that he was saying that "why do YOU always make me seem like the villain" meh.. so then I was like.. moo being unable to communicate can cause such misunderstandings.. or maybe melanie is wrong and I am right.. or maybe she is right and I am wrong.. or maybe we are both wrong and only Clem knows what he said..

    oh well

    I like fudge.. yum!

    meh.. I dunno Clem's mad at me I guess.. but if his entry is about me then hmm I guess he heard me wrong again.. and I don't remember sitting next to samson at all.. O.o woof

    I like fudge.. .. maple fudge

    YUM!

    woofles I go finish up hw now.. ttul journal.. 
  • O.O 2003-10-05 15:30:40 moo I know what to do! Suggest interdependence.. Since I want Errol to be happy but Errol wants me happy.. tho we ourselves want to be sad..

    If we both make the other happy.. wouldn't we be satisfied? :3 Also Wouldn't it be best if we were to be dependent on each other? I want to be dependent on Errol.. But.. I want to be independent at the same time.. and it drives me nuts... so.. I will depend on Errol for my happiness.. So.. I gues.. I want him to depend on me.. for his happiness.. mooo...

    but.. I don't know.. can I trust him with my heart? Can he trust me with his.. hmm why does the hedgehogs dillema always pop up into my head... 
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