JOURNAL: hackerzc (John Westbrook)

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  • Bye Bye 2003-07-03 14:36:10 Well being the dumb ass that I am I deleted all my nekocon 2002 video and pictures from my website and hard drive to make more room for various other pieces of crap type stuff I might want to put on the site.

    Now I kinda feal bad about it all cause there were some realy cute girls in there.
    Oh well. Screw it. 
  • I hate to dream 2003-06-30 11:10:02 Have you ever had the kind if dream that was so awsome, so emotionally stimulating that you coulden't desipher it from reality? The kind of dream where you are thrown into a world that is the same, yet SO differend from your own. The kind where things happen to you that you don't quite understand the reasoning let alone the how? The kind of dream where friends are made, along with enemies? The kind of dream where you wake crying, and would do anything include die, to live in that world?

    Well I just have...
    And this is my story.

    This story starts weeks, months, or even years ago. Even I am not sure when I encountered this strange new dream world.
    I was in a house, not my own, when i recieved a knock on the door. I opened it to reveil a delivery man (whoes face was not reveiled due to his had being pulled down) with a small envelope sized package. He gave me the package and said "congradulations". I did not understand what he ment by that, nor did I understand why I was receiving a package, let alone what it could be. So I opened it. Inside was a card very similar to a clow card from CCS. When I touched the card a strange feeling came over me, and I was compelled to go to a full sized standing mirror in the hallway.
    As I stood infront of the mirror looking in, the card in my hand became warm and started to glow a bit. Not a lot mind you, but just enough to distinguish it from the ambient light which was in the room.

    I stared at the card as the picture on it (a band across the bottom going from left to right. It was white with red dashed lines running across it. Also it had a vertical line on the left hand side identical to the one on the bottom. Each line was about a cm thick. And at the top of the left corner was a round emplem with a head shot of a girl in it. I can't remember enough detail about the face to give any type of description, but I remember feeling calm and relaxed when I saw it.
    All of a sudden the design dissapeared from the card, and reapeared on the mirror in front of me.
    I remember hearing a voice say something but I can't remember what it was. I noticed a figure in the mirror which was not my own. It was a guy wearing some sort of red clothing. He was standing behind me, so I quickly turned around at which time he told me that I was the winner. I had been choosen to recieve the gift of sight.
    To be honest I did not understand what this all ment. But for some reason I trusted this character. I felt as if we were ald friends from another life or somehting.

    After this things got a little strange and time lost all meaning and I can not remember anything except that just before I woke, I was in the middle of doing something importiant when I was told that my time was up. It was more of a feeling I recieved actually. All I can remember was that I had something to due, and people I cared about were counting on me. I remeber looking over to the red figure (we were no longer in the house so you know) and he told me that I only had a limited time with him to start with, but he would miss me.
    The next thing I new, I was screeming that I didn't want to go and I awoke in my room (IRL) very depressed and thinking about the journy I had just taken, and thinking how I wish I could dream about that stuff again.

    Fastforward to today.
    I ley down to go to sleep.
    In the dream this time I started off by running across a field, over a stone bridge, and to the foot of a cave. At the save in front is a police car. I am told that I am suposed to guard this cave from anyone who wants to go inside.
    Once the person who told me that leaves (I never actually saw him, only heard the voice) I decide to go in the cave to see what the big deal was. When I walked in, I was inside of a bedroom. I got the strange feeling that the bedroom was from the house in the dream I had weeks or months before. But it did not seem like it was a normal room. It was like a girls room or somehting.
    As I looked around I started to notice the same red figure from the first dream was in this one also.
    He tryed atalking to me, but no sound was comming out of his mouth. But somehow I could understand him as if it were. I distinctly remember being told that I can't come back. The only way would be if I was invited (which he can not do) or if I died.
    Right after I "heard" this, the red character dissapeared from sight.
    I wondered around the room for a while until I heared sirens in the background. I went to open the bedroom door and then I was outside. I ran down the street chasing the sirens trying to catch them. I remember thinking that there was a shootout going on, and I was hoping if I was there I would be killed. As I was running I got the strange sense that the red figure did not want that to happen to me. As I was running down the street I heared someone call out my name. I stoped and looked over and it was a person who apeared to be a cop. Somehow I knew him and we had a shord conversation. Him shouting down from the top of the hill he was on, and me shouting up to the screen. He warned me not to follow that cars. It was then that I got the strange feeling that he was not who he apeared toi be, so I just said I woulden't and I ran off to find the sirens again. As I was running off, the cop clearly shouted, "stay away from that, it is not the way".
    Eventually I cought up with the sirens, but by time I got there nothing was going on. I do remember at the very last moment a cop car was comming towards me and stoped short of just hitting me while I was standing in a field. The next thing I knew, I was back in the bedroom where this all started. Only thing was, I was not myself, I was a girl instead. Or rather I was seing through a girls eyes. I had the uncanny feeling that I was only watching her actions from her perspective, and that I had no real control.

    I went to look out the bedroom window, it seems that the room was no longer part of a house, ir was part of a boat. Some kind of old Roman style war ship, and we were below deck, in this room, that looked like it belonged in a modern house.
    Out of the corner of my eye I saw a dard figure up in the top corner of the room. As it reveiled itself it turned out to be a black cougar or large cat of some sort. It told me that to go back all I needed to do was look in the mirror. So I looked over. Written in black on the "inside" of the mirror were the words, "I am me," "BOOM!". So I pickud up a marker and traced the words "I am me", but seeing the word Boom! scared me so I did not trace over it.

    Nothing happened aside from the red figure apearing to me again. This time I could not even understand what he was trying to tell me. And also he was very blury and he came and went quite often.
    Me and the black "Cat" conversed a while. I walked around, and he kept trying to get me to do different things that I did not want to do.
    I remember he cam out from under the bed at one point with a doormat looking ruber pad that had some kind of emplem on it, and he told me to stand on it, but once again, this made me feel very uncomfterable so I just steped over it. All the time the red character was shifting in and out of phase and apeared to be screening at me. As if he was warning me.

    Eventually the black cat dissapeared and stoped bothering me. But shortly after that, the boat I was on came under attack by some black creature standing to the starboard side of the boat (the right) that stood nearly 50 feet or more tall. The people aboard the boat were able to fight it off whatever it was, but I got the erie sence that the strange encounter was just the beginning.

    We sailed on for a bit longer untill arriving at some strange islend that we pulled along side of.
    There was that black figure again, only he was more of a human size. And he had allies with him. I could not make any of them out to give a description. All the people on the ship jumped off and started doing battle with the forces on the land, and were loosing from what I saw.
    About 10 minuted into the battle I started pasing around the room. I noticed something on the bed that wasn't there before. It was that card that was from the first dream. This time when I touched it, it did not get warm, and the picture from the card did not appear on the mirror in the room. Instead something strange happened. The card started to rapidly change. The picture would fade in and out, and a second picture would fade in and out over the first one. I could not make out the second picture at all.

    It was then that the red figure faded back in and was the same as I rememberd him from the first dream. He looked at the card and looked at me with a puzzled look and said "it can't be possible". The next thing I knew, a second character wearing white or grey faded in. This new person, was the girl whoes face was on the top left corner of the card. She looked at the card, then looked at the red figure and said "the time is now". The red character looked at her with a suprise in his face I had neve seen previously, then looked over at me.
    The Girl in white told me that I "had been choosen like the one who came before" me. She told the red figure that the card said I was neither dead nor alive (this made no sence to me since I was quite sure I was alive), and that the ability was natural, whatever that ment.
    The red figure looked at me once more and said "you know what to do".
    So I walked over to the window where I saw the battle going on. It was at the instance that I fell back to a third person view of what was going on. I was in the bedroom looking out as the girl whoes eyes I was seing throught all this time jumped out of the room, and transformed into some sort of being of light looking identical on the outside in appearence to thedark figure engagen in the battle (the some figure that attacked us earlyer). And comcluded to battle the dark force. All other fighting stopped as everyone there watch the ensuing battle of these two forces.

    At that moment I was puled out of the boat through the wall by some force I could not comprehend, and the next thing I knew, I was on earth looking up to the sky. I could see a planet that appeared to be closer to the earth then the moon is, and it looked very large.
    I watched the planed in the night sky as explosions and disploys of pyrotechnics like I had never seen before took place. (Have you ever seen Ah! My Goddass where Belldandys mid-drift kinda pixelated and ratates around here exposing the colored ball of light at the center? Well it kinda looke dlike that but much bigger).
    I looked around and no one else seemed to notice.
    Soon however the light show ended and I was wonce again thrust towards the planed. I hovered there for a few moments And slowly watched as a small lake filled with water, then over flowing creating a waterfall and inturn fillinging another lake.
    Before I know it, the planet was covered in water and lush vegitation.
    I was once again forced closer to the planet where I rotated around what was once the battleground of from moments before. I looked down to see a single person left. It was the girl that I had been seeing throught the eyes of, the same girl that tranformed into the creature of light and battles the creature of darkness.
    As I circled the smal island I came upon wheat was left of the boat that had brought us to the island. The girl was swimming in the waters adjasent to it. I looked closer at the girl. She had aged significantly. She still looked beautiful but was no longer the teenager I had rememberd from before.
    This in the background I heard a voice. The voice of the red figure that I had encountered time and time again, only he did not make himself visable this time. He started saying how it had been 20 years since the battle took place. He went on to say how the order had been restored to their world and it was I who they had to thank.
    I asked what he ment, since it was the girl down on the planed that fought in the battle. It was then that he explained to me that the girl on the planet was my grand doughter, and that is when I woke up from the dream and was crying.

    And this is what happened. It is very rarely that something happens to me to cause such an emotional reaction in me. Be it real or immaginary, it was all real enought to me. And there are those that will argue that the dram world is even more real then the waking one. all I know is that if there is an after life, and we are able to sculpt it to our liking, then I would want to recreate the world that I dreamed about. I don't know why exactly it had such an impact on me. But for as long as I can remember the events that took place, I will never be the same person that I had been before this encounter of mine. 
  • Otakon Pre-Screenings 2003-06-29 10:04:51 Well after today all the pre-screenings will be over for Otakon. I hope I make the contest since that is kinda my goal for this year. If I can do that I will be so damn happy.
    My video "Hard Knock life" went over pretty well at the Baltimore screening yesterday. I don't remember it myself (I got tunnel vidion, went def, and felt like throwing up when my vid played), but my friend who went with me said everyone was cracking up. So I am hoping I did well.

    Even if I did really well and got a lot of +1's or even some +2's it will still be very hard to get into the contest this year. There are SO many great comedy entries this year. Ones I think are way better then mine, and I can so see them getting in the contest before me.

    When I origionally sent my video I KNEW I was goign to make the contest, and even had the idea that I might win an honerable mention or somehting. But now it looks like I might not even get in the contest.

    Don't get me wrong, I did not enter at Otakon to win anything. Though I would be lying if I said I didn't want to win. Winning would be so awsome!
    I did however enter with my heart set on making the contest. I set a goal for myself, and I want to reach that goal.

    I am very hard on myself, VERY hard on myself. SO maybey I need this contest mentaly to feel excepted. To be honest, if I don't make the contest I actually might not make another AMV because there is no point for me if people are not enjoying what I make. If I wanted to make a video and keep it to myself, I would just create it in my mind which is much faster and less expensive. I don't know what it is exactly, but I NEED people to like my work. I don't care about being as known as Scott Melzer or Vlat Pohnert or Tim Park or anyone, but I would liek to be moderatly known like iserlohn.

    Maybe I have already accomplishe dthat, I don't know. I have been making myself known on the forums, and I actually had people approach me last week end and this weekend at the Pre-screenings and say "hey are you the guy that made Hard Knock Anime?"
    So maybe that is enough for me. Afterall, saying thank you to someone can only mean so much. I was thankfull for their praise in such a way that I don't know the words to describe it.

    Oh well, with the conclusion of the prescreenings all the votes have been cast. It is not in the hands of God. Whatever will happen will happen.
    Since there is nothing anyone can do or say now to change the outcome of the votes, I have listed Hard Lnock Anime under all three cons I sent it too. I wanted to wait till afte the pre-screenings to let everyone know HKA would be at Otakon (even if just in an "overflow" capasity) as not to "let the cat out of the bag" to potental reviewers. Only a handfull or people knew it would be at Otakon, so I was not concerned about them.

    So there you have it. The profile for Hard Knock Anime is not compleat with all information, downloads and lyrics *barring any additions in the even I should make the contest which it doubtful*. I hope for the best, but expect the worst. 
  • The new shit 2003-06-22 10:53:01 Well I just got me a 160GB hard drive to use as my editing drive (I have my OS games, programs, blah blah blah on a 40GB boot drive and use a second for storing video and ripping and capturing with)
    So not I have 4 times the space in this new one (I could make a 2 hour fan parody encoded with huffyuv if I wanted now!) YAY!

    On another note. The Otakon pre-screenings went very well this weekend. Nothing like last weekends session of hecleling and moaning.
    I did not get to see my video yet, so that means it will be on next week.
    I hope it does well.
    At PortConMaine I came 0.04 points from winning comedy (would have been nice. All I want to do is win once so that I can say I have won SOMETHING!)
    I am hoping people will give it equaly good reviews at Otakon's pre-screening. Right now my goal is simply to make the contest so I can watch my vid on a REALLY big screen with a large audince and here the shouts of joy (aka: ego juice).
    After seing the competition so far, I have given up all hopes of winning (I can still hope, but that won't help, not now). I am seriously doubting my chances to even make the cut for the contest now. Many people have already told me that they can't see why I wouldent make it. Of course no one in the world is a brutaly honnest as me so they might just be playing nice to make me not worry. But like I said I have seen a lot of good videos and I already know I won't win. Hell even an honnerable mention (which would be enought for me to consider it a win) would be asking too much at this point. Oh well, Quess I'll know in mid July.
    Me and that Yatta vid are going to be going at it next weekend. One of us will make the contest, please let it be me. Besides they already won 3 awards, FUCK THEM! 
  • What sucks.. 2003-06-20 11:51:40 I need to go to work soon, that sucks.

    Whatelse?
    I suck,
    My Videos suck, so far anyway (with maybe the exception of Hard Knock Anime. Thougt I still need to see if I make the Otakon contest or not).
    My computer.......well my computer is cool =^) Non of those fance 160GB HDD's or anthing (only 2 40GB's here kiddies)
    Euphoria.....that REALLY sucked. Too flashy. He was SO showing off.
    Sunny days suck. I happen to love the rain.
    The Matrix Reloaded Soundtrack sucks.
    My idea for an AMV about a pissed off AMV creator using Eminems "Loose yourself" sucks, but could possibly work.
    Some of the videos I saw at the prescreenings last week, they suck a lot!
    The heckelers there, they suck.
    That guy at last years pre-screening who said "that's getting a -2" when he saw my vid was to Akira. He really sucks. Infact I'm gona KILL him!
    Vacume cleaners suck.....or do they blow? Either way, ther are not cool.
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    I'm thinking.
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    Oh, only make $5.50 an hour sucks
    SO does not having the time for college
    and having to moive. Packing is a bitch
    Mind you, I mind relocating, I just don't want to have to unhook all the PC and TV stuff and hook it all back up. My room already looks like the inside of a Borg cube as it is!
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    Oh yeah, and I can't figure how to end this entry, that sucks. 
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