The Vent Thread

[Chained(E)Studio]

I was supposed to get my new car inspected today as an "Out of Province" inspection. I made an appointment and everything and had planned to get all my insurance and registration done for tomorrow (this Saturday). I went in and had to wait 30 minutes before they could determine they couldn't do the inspection tonight. Now I have to go back in the morning, and push back all my other appointments I have scheduled. Make the rest of my weekend squished with time.

I am stressed now and annoyed. People should live up to their appointments.

[Magnus]

So. I have got my cancer back, as many of you might already know. A tumour is located in my right hip.
I am currently going through a 4-stage treatment. Consisting of:
- 6 months of Chemotherapy - shrinking the tumour down as much as possible.
- An opperation to surgecally remove possible left-overs from the tumour (a few hours of surgery - 1 month recovery-process).
- 3 weeks of Radiation treatment with focus on the area where the tumour has been earlier located.

My doctor has told me the whole treatment will be done sometime in February 2012, if we don't fall behind in schedual.
I asked him to honestly answere what procentage the treatment would have to cure me and make the cells stop spreading. He told me it was just slightly bellow 50%.

I've lost my 2nd person I have ever loved, due to the fact that she couldn't handle the situation and that I focused more on trying to make her feel better than getting better myself.
So we mutually ended the relationship, both with feelings still intact at heart - which sucks.

I have gained 3 new scars and 1 more will be added to the collection. I have nerv damage in my right leg, meaning that I have no sense of touch in parts of my leg and half my foot.
However, the foot is constantly hurting from the inside, and there is a possibility of a fracture.

I can not walk for longer periods of time than 10-15 minutes with out my legs giving in. Thus going out, I need the assistance of a wheel-chair.

1,5 week after the Chemotherapy treatment, my immune system fails me and I am very sensitive for infection - a fever almost killed me a few weeks ago.


Additional problems:
I will miss traditionally spending New Years with my dearest friends out of town.
I will mostlikely not have recovered enough to celebrate my 18th birthday the way I want to (partying my ass off).
My chances of fullfilling my dream of becoming a father has been lowered with 70%.
I've fallen behind in the school years so much I will mostlikely be forced to drop out, and read some courses on the side to make it to a university.


Along with all this, my sleeping issues, my insomnia if you will - is back.


So basically, this was the vent thread right?
I'm venting here, because I simply miss being able to live.
My life is so limited that I don't even know if my future only will last for a few more years.

Sorry if reading this made you uncomfortable.
Maybe it was unappropriet to post it all online at all - I don't really know anymore.
I just need some out-let, an exit...

I apologize.
And I am not giving up this fight.

-Magnus.

[Pwolf]

Ugh, that blows. i hope everything goes smoothly.

[Moonlight Soldier]

/me nods, at least there's a plan of sorts. Keep fighting!!!

[Chained(E)Studio]

.

Never give up the fight! I don't know what its like to have cancer, however, my Nannan (or Grandma) has had cancer 3 times ^-^ and she still is with us today =3 Its funny because my Grandpa had about 6-7 heart attacks before he passed away, and here is my Nannan who had something that is a lot more scarier than a heart attack smiling a way and very happy.

And so I think its important that no matter how many sad things come, or worries, or things you "can't" do, you keep going and trying anyways. There are many memories you have created with those around you, and many more to come. Nothing is ever set in stone, so you may have below 50% chance, well then I say take that 49% chance you do have and live.

No one has said you can't be a father, or go to University or even finish the school you have now or that you can't do anything else you have even dreamed of. The difference is maybe it'll take a little longer. But if those are your dreams Magnus then keep going after them with all you have and your heart. Even if it takes longer than you wanted, just keep going because that's what will shape you and make you the happiest in the end.

And don't ever apologize ='3 after all, this isn't the vent thread for no reason, so let it go when ever you need to I say, keeping things in never helps anyone.

[Castor Troy]

Don't give up!

[CodeZTM]

/hugs Magnus

We're here for you, we believe in you, and we want you to keep fighting!

[aesling]

Hang in there, Magnus! Our thoughts are with you.

[macchinainterna]

Keep fighting it, man.

We're all hoping that you'll pull through.

[Warlike Swans]

My heart goes out to you. That is so much to cope with.

You can fight it.