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Conditional self-esteem
2007-02-18 14:15:07
Conditional self-esteem is a continuing cycle of self-perpetuating performance anxiety. Conditional self-esteem basically means that you like yourself if and only if you meet certain conditions. Now the particular conditions may vary from individual to individual No matter how they vary, they all usually lead to the same result; you don’t like yourself very often or for very long. It takes a lot of attention and work to do everything “perfectly” all of the time. With conditional self-esteem you create an obligation in your relationship with yourself to continuously monitor how you do everything. You make yourself ask, “Am I doing it well enough?”
We can explain the cause of this practice by pointing out the irrational belief that supports it. Irrational Belief = I must do well at every task all of the time in order to feel good about myself. That belief is irrational because doing well may or may not make you feel good about yourself. There is no necessary connection between your performance and your relationship with yourself.
Many people have a desire to feel good about their selves for as long as possible and to avoid feeling bad about their selves. Feeling good about yourself or feeling bad about yourself is a temporary state. Beyond that, even the departure of feeling good about yourself can make you feel bad about yourself. Feeling bad abounds and feeling good comes rarely and doesn’t last. What can be done?
You cannot exert sufficient influence to make feeling good about yourself endure nor to keep away the emotion of feeling bad about yourself. You can sidestep the whole trying to feeling good dimension of relating to yourself. The answer is only found once you go outside of the dilemma. The answer is acceptance. Acceptance is different way of relating to yourself. It is a separate and independent method from trying to feel good about yourself.
You can accept yourself far easier than you can make yourself feel good about yourself. You can get more consistent results from accepting yourself.
How you relate with yourself is a choice. That choice is independent of everything else that you are doing. You can at any moment choose to feel ok with yourself. You retain this ability in all circumstances. This choice is free. You can also choose at any moment to feel not ok with yourself. This choice can become a habit. You can continuously choose to feel ok or to feel not ok. How you CHOOSE to feel about yourself makes the most intense and enduring difference in how you DO feel about yourself. -
Self Acceptance
2007-02-17 14:07:16
What you are is different and separate from what you do.
What you do is not who you are. What you have done is not who you are.
Everything that you have done is only your history.
You are not your history.
Whatever you do cannot replace who you are.
Whatever you do cannot change who you are.
Even whatever you habitually do is not who you are.
You are not your habits.
Your habits can only aid or hinder in the achievement of your goals.
You are also not your goals.
You are the doer of your deeds. You are not your deeds.
You are the thinker of your thoughts. You are not your thoughts.
You are the feeler of your emotions. You are not your emotions.
You exist.
You exist before and after your deeds.
You exist before and after your thoughts.
You exist before and after your emotions.
Deeds come and go, thought comes and go, emotions come and go, yet you endure.
Because you endure, it is preferable to accept yourself.
Nobody else can be you. You cannot be anyone else.
Because you must be you it is preferable to accept yourself.
No matter where you go, you are always there.
Because you are always there it is preferable to accept yourself.
No matter what you do in this world, you will not go away.
Because you will not go away it is preferable to accept yourself. -
Albert Ellis and Self-Acceptance
2007-02-04 12:53:14
I picked up an interesting little book yesterday. Its one of those books I wish I had read a long time ago. "The Myth of Self Esteem" Very early on he makes the distinction between self esteem and self acceptance.
Self esteem "means that the individual values himself because he has behaved intelligently, correctly or competently."
"Self acceptance, on the other hand, means that the individual fully and unconditionally accepts herself [or himself] whether or not she [or he] behaves intelligently, correctly or competently AND whether or not other people approve, respect or love her [or him]."
Here are some of the other basic ides I have taken from the first few chapters.
-Keep what you ARE separate and distinct from what you DO.
-Don't rate what you ARE based on what you DO.
-Accept yourself no matter what you do.
-Keep any rating of your actions separate.
-Never rate what you are.
-Always accept what you are.
-You don't NEED anything to accept yourself beyond the choice to do it.
-Practice every day to make self-acceptance a good habit. - Choreographing 2004-12-14 16:49:11 Making a music video is much more like choreographing a dance then directing a play. I had been conceptualizing the process as more like a play than a dance. I hope that this change in the way that I view the process will allow me to make more entertaining music videos. Each tone should inspire movement. Dance is the beautiful expression of motion. It is motion with grace, flair, daring and joy.
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The Heart
2004-12-02 19:00:57
Art is an expression of the heart. It is a way for the heart to speak. When the heart speaks it returns us to our original nature. We are brought back into alignment with our genuine self. The body cannot deceive. Only the mind can deceive. The mind can confuse itself. The body remains attuned to nature. The body is intrinsically part of nature. The heart of us always remains connected to what is holy. The sacred is deep within us. It wants to come out into the world. The heart wants to speak. The heart has a lot to say. When one heart speaks, then all hearts are heard.
Yet the mind can interfere in this process. The mind often gets in the way of our original nature. We must restrain the mind and let the heart speak, unedited and uninterrupted. When the heart first speaks it may lack eloquence and refinement, but with patience it will develop these skills. The blunt heart speak may frighten us when first we heart it and we might be tempted to cover over the heart to smooth out its words for it. Yet soon enough me may be speaking for the heart, putting words in its mouth, driving the heart back to silence. So when must be courageous when he hear the heart first speak. We must give it space to say what it wants to say. We must resist the urge to censor and edit the heart when it speaks.
If you never let your heart speak then it can becomes more difficult as we age. We can get used to covering over our heart. Our original nature becomes more and more obscured.
There is something that I am trying to remember. I am trying my hardest, yet I can barely touch the edge of it with the softest movement of my hand. If I grasp it, it will be gone, and I will grope forever to find it again. But my heart doesn’t need to remember it, because it has never forgotten. It will never forget, it cannot forget. It has and will always remember.
I must listen to my heart, with its great memory, if I am ever to remember all that I have forgotten; yet not forgotten.
JOURNAL: storyteller (Alexander T)
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